Page 59 of Mine Forever
The storm outside matches the chaos in my head.
I turn back to her, hands on my hips. Anger runs hot in my veins, and the only place I have to channel it is to the woman sitting across the room from me.
The woman who, no matter how hard I try, never seems to leave my thoughts for very long. Even when I was married to another woman.
“I made a selfish decision. I chose a car over my wife. I might not have loved her the way a wife deserves to be loved, but she was still my wife. And the last words I said to her were full of hate.”
Eden rises and crosses the room to stand in front of me. “Chase, it’s normal to feel guilty in cases like this.”
“Yeah, I know. Survivor guilt and all that shit.” My voice was full of disdain. “Spare me the psychobabble, Eden. Been there, done that. During the year I recovered from the injury, the team made me go see a therapist. I had to be cleared to play again.”
She looks away for a moment before bringing her gaze back to mine. “You can’t keep blaming yourself for it, Chase. You didn’t kill Heather and you didn’t kill her baby.”
“Well, how about this to add to my guilt? If I hadn’t been such a selfish prick, my baseball career wouldn’tbe over. How’s that for mourning your wife? That I mourned my career more than I did her?”
By the time I say the last word, I’m shouting.
“How long were you and Heather together?”
I blink. “In total, three years.”
“And how long have you been playing baseball?”
“Nearly my whole life. I started in T-Ball. You know that.”
“Exactly. Baseball has been your whole life. It’s understandable that you mourn it. You lost a vital piece of your life, Chase. And anyone who says different is a liar.”
Losing baseball had been like losing a limb, not just injuring it. Baseball was a part of me I was so comfortable with, I knew every move.
Until I didn’t.
My chest heaves with the pain of losing my livelihood—still there even four years later.
But Eden’s logic loosens the giant chronic knot in my stomach just a little bit.
I hadn’t loved Heather, and she’d fucked me over, but her parents and family had loved her. She’d been someone’s daughter and sister.
I’d wanted out of my marriage, but that hadn’t been the way I wanted it.
But I hadn’t been driving the car either, had I?
Why does it sound so different coming from Eden than it had from all the shrinks I’d seen after the accident?
I’ve never told anyone how I felt, not even the shrinks, but they knew. They’re paid to know these things. Still, it didn’t quite sink in like it did coming from Eden.
I swallow hard and turn back to the storm. There’s something comforting in watching it rage.
To hear Eden say it wasn’t my fault is like she’d found and rescued me after being lost, tumbling around in the dark.
There’s more to tell and I’m exhausted just thinking about it. But at this point, I feel the need to tell her all of it.
I sigh and rub the back of my neck, facing her again. “There’s more.”
Eden’s stare is steady on me. “Does this have anything to do with you fighting with Ty Richardson?”
Fuck, this woman is smart.
I frown. “You saw that, huh?”
