Page 21 of Christmas Craving
“I was feeling festive,” I said mildly.
Her eyebrows rose but she didn’t ask me anything else.
I didn’t share that I’d spent most of the day fighting the last minute shopping crowds to buy up every Christmas-themed item I could get my hands on. I wanted to send a message – a grand gesture to tell Lanie that I was ready to embrace a new kind of life. Together.
“Are you hungry?” I changed the subject. “Dinner is ready.”
“Great, I haven’t really eaten today.”
I felt a stab of guilt. I’d upset her enough that she couldn’t eat? On the one hand, it told me that Lanie felt as strongly about me as I felt about her. On the other hand, I was angry at myself for upsetting her.
“I have a confession to make before we eat,” I said.
“What?”
“I ordered out from Whole Foods Deli. After doing all the other shopping, I didn’t have the time or energy to cook a big meal tonight.”
The truth was I only knew how to cook a few dishes, including the spaghetti we’d had the other night. I ate out most nights or just had a yogurt with some fruit.
Lanie rolled her lips in to keep from laughing. “I like Whole Foods Deli. I can’t afford it very often, but I like it.”
After settling Lanie into a chair in the dining room, I brought out the food. We were both quiet while we served ourselves. I wasn’t totally sure what Lanie would want, so I’d bought a little of almost everything they hadn’t sold out of yet. It made for an eclectic mix of foods, but I was hoping that was okay.
I waited until we’d both taken a few bites before I spoke again.
“I’m sorry.”
Lanie looked up. “For what?”
“For hurting you. For saying you were a waste of my time. I got scared and I pushed you away.”
She shrugged, but I could tell she was trying hard to be nonchalant. “We’ve known each other, what? Four days now? You don’t owe me anything just because we fucked.”
I winced, not at her crude language so much as the way she was making it sound less important than it was. Setting my fork down, I reached for her hand, wrapping it in mine. I took it as a good sign when she didn’t pull away.
“It didn’t feel like we were just fucking, not to me. It felt like more.”
Her eyes turned troubled. “Look Celia, we’re both alone on the holidays. We’re feeling vulnerable. It’s like one of those movies where people are snowed in together and then they convince themselves they’re in love. But that doesn’t mean it’s real. I bet if we’d met at any other time of the year, you wouldn’t have given me a second look.”
I squeezed her hand. “If I met you in July or October, it wouldn’t matter. Even if I’d just run into you in the grocery store or at the gym, I still would have fallen in love with you the instant I laid eyes on you.”
She shook her head. “You are not in love with me. It’s not possible.”
I waited for her to meet my eyes. “I am definitely in love with you, and I think you feel the same. But even if you don’t believe it – or until you believe it – I still want us to spend some more time together. I want to show you that I’m serious about being with you. I want you to see how good we can be together.”
“So you’re asking me to… what? Date you?”
“For now,” I said. “Until you’re ready to get married.”
She pulled her hand away, shaking her head and laughing.
“Did you hit your head or something? First Ms. Scrooge turns her condo into a winter wonderland and now you’re talking about marriage?”
“I know, it’s crazy. Yet it’s not. It just feels right.”
She wasn’t running away screaming, which I took as a good sign.
“Let’s just take things slow and see what happens, okay?” she finally said.
