Page 52 of A Winter Courtship
“What?” Ulrich asked.
“You’re fiddling with something else in your pocket. What is it?”
“I was hoping…” Ulrich reached into his pocket. “If you forgave me…and gave me a second chance, I’d hoped to wear this.”
He pulled out the second leaf pendant. This one was hung from the lace Lutoth had gifted him.
“You kept the lace,” Lutoth said.
“Yes. I tried cleaning it as best I could after I ruined it. After I ruined everything. And I attached this pendant.” Ulrich held it up. “The pendants match. And I was thinking… I was hoping you could wear your necklace. And if you wanted…you could plait the lace through my hair, like you said.”
Ulrich ran thick fingers along the beige-brown lace. “And the pendant would hang from it. Then everyone would know we were together. Because they match.” Ulrich swallowed. “And I told my father something else.” Ulrich wished his voice would stop trembling. “I told him I love you.”
Lutoth’s gaze turned from the pendant to Ulrich’s eyes.
“I love you, Lutoth. I don’t want to lose you.” Tears stung Ulrich’s eyes. “Please tell me I haven’t lost you. Or tell me what I need to do to make you forgive me. I’ll do anything.” If this was his last chance, he wanted to put everything on the line. He would do anything so he didn’t lose Lutoth.
“You are beautiful and strong,” Ulrich continued. “You make me happier than I’ve ever been. You don’t make me feel uncouth or brutish. You’re the first person I’ve ever been able to truly be myself around. It’s like you see me. All of me, and you can accept me. You make me feel safe. You make me feel like I can be exactly who I am.” His voice broke.
“And I know I’m not good enough for you,” Ulrich said. “You could do much better. But you make me feel loved in a way I didn’t know possible. It would destroy me to lose you. Please tell me I haven’t lost you.”
Lutoth made a choked noise. He stepped forward and pulled Ulrich down for a bruising, messy kiss, fingers clutching at Ulrich’s face.
Ulrich’s chest soared as hope grew inside him. He wrapped his arms around Lutoth, holding him tightly, never wanting to let him go. “Does this mean you forgive me?” he asked when the kiss finally broke.
“Yes. Yes, Ulrich. I forgive you. I don’t know how I could stay angry with you after that apology.” He kissed Ulrich again. “And I love you too.”
“Really?” For the first time since Lutoth had left, Ulrich felt like he could breathe.
“Yes. Really.” Lutoth reached between them, taking the pendant from Ulrich’s hand. He lifted it to Ulrich’s brow, then with swift fingers, he wove the lace through his hair, the pendant hanging amongst the brown strands. “And you are more than good enough for me. You just made a mistake. But I forgive you. Now, will you put this on me?” Lutoth asked.
Lutoth didn’t need help. The leather strap was long enough that he could easily put it on himself. But Ulrich took it and slid it over Lutoth’s head. He brushed Lutoth’s white hair out of the way so the necklace settled against his skin.
Lutoth touched the leaf pendant. “I didn’t realise it was so bad with your father.”
Ulrich shrugged. “He’s my father. He’s always been tough on me.”
Lutoth pressed his lips together like he was thinking. “You didn’t tell him because you were scared of him.”
Ulrich nodded.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Ulrich ducked his head. “I didn’t want you to see how weak I was.”
“Oh, Ulrich. You’re not weak.” Lutoth stroked his cheek. “If I’d known how tough it was for you with your father, I would have understood. I know relationships with parents are…complicated. And if I’d known, I would have tried to support you and lend you my strength. I thought you were ashamed of me.”
“No. Never,” Ulrich said fiercely. “Never of you.”
Lutoth rested his head against Ulrich’s chest.
Ulrich stroked his hair, inhaling the scent of Lutoth’s hair, just revelling in the feeling of Lutoth in his arms. “I thought I’d lost you.”
“But you didn’t.” Lutoth took Ulrich’s hand and smiled. “Now let’s go home.”
ChapterThirty-Four
Hands entwined, they returned to Ulrich’s cabin. Both were on the edge of exhaustion, and neither spoke as they prepared for bed. Ulrich quickly fed Ethel and undressed. But the entire time, Ulrich kept glancing at Lutoth, watching his lithe form moving through his home, still in disbelief that Lutoth had forgiven him and returned.
