Page 39 of A Winter Redemption
“But I’m free now. Happy and free,” Ketho said. He smiled and stared up at the sky.
They skated in silence. The only noise came from their skates scraping against the ice and the creaking as it took their weight. The sounds no longer scared him.
“Are you having fun now?” Ketho asked. “Are you enjoying the frivolous nature of skating?”
“I am.” Jarne smiled as a feeling of invigoration lifted his chest. He felt no fear now. Just joy and pleasure. “I’ve had more fun here with you than I have in my entire life. My family never valued fun or leisure. And as you know, my life has always been about work.”
“Do you ever regret that?”
“A little.” Jarne paused. “Yes. Since I’ve been here, I’ve started to wonder how much I’ve missed out on by only focusing on work. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being a perfume alchemist, but I’m starting to think that maybe there are other things I should value.” He frowned. “I feel like I’m thinking a lot these days. I’m constantly questioning my life and how I’ve lived it.”
“That’s probably a good thing,” Ketho said.
“I suppose,” Jarne said. “Although, honestly, I’m not enjoying thinking all the time. It was easier to just focus on work.”
Ketho squeezed his hand. “I can imagine assessing your life can be exhausting. But I think it is better to do it now when you can still make changes than to question when you’re old and it’s too late.”
“True,” Jarne said. “I’ve been thinking I should take more time off from work when I go back. So I can have more moments like this.”
“I think that would be a good idea,” Ketho said and smiled.
But Jarne’s heart twisted. Because when Jarne went back to Bordertown, he knew he couldn’t have moments like this. Part of what made these moments so perfect was the fact he shared them with Ketho.
And when he returned to Bordertown, he’d be alone. Ketho would be gone from his life for good.
ChapterTwenty-Four
Ketho stared at the ceiling. Embers glowed in the fireplace. Jarne lay curled up against him, body relaxed in sleep.
But Ketho couldn’t sleep. Unease rattled through his body, and no matter how he tried, he couldn’t quieten his mind.
Yesterday, he’d enjoyed skating with Jarne. There’d been shared smiles and easy affection. But it hadn’t started out like that.
Ketho hadn’t picked up on it at first, which he should have. But Jarne had been terrified. He’d noticed the man’s tenseness. But Jarne often seemed tense and uptight. Then Ketho had seen the terror in Jarne’s deep-brown eyes. Still, Jarne had chosen to trust Ketho. And that meant something.
Because Ketho knew what it was like to be afraid. To be completely terrified and instead decide to trust someone over the fear that screamed inside you to run.
Ketho let out a breath. He wanted to roll over. Or sit up. Or flee. He needed to move to get the tension from his body. But Jarne’s warm breath brushed his skin, and Ketho had no desire to disturb him.
He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself.
He’d opened up to Jarne. More than he’d opened up to anyone before. As he’d spoken, he’d felt his chest lighten, the weight that always pressed down on him lessening. It had felt right to talk. It had felt good. Even if he hadn’t said much, it had been momentous for Ketho.
Until now. Until he lay in bed. Thinking over the previous day and the secrets he’d shared.
Slowly, the doubts crept like spiders into his mind, spinning their webs until the panic rose in his chest and into his throat, choking him.
And Jarne had looked at Ketho with so much affection. And Ketho knew what that meant. It meant attachment. It meant feelings. Even if Ketho ignored it in the bright light of day, he could think of nothing else as he lay sleepless in bed.
Jarne cared for him. Deeply. Maybe Ketho was the first person Jarne had ever truly cared for.
And Ketho saw the truth of his own feelings. He cared for Jarne. That was why he’d opened up to him. That was why he’d been so touched by his trust. Because he hadn’t cared for anyone as he cared for Jarne, not in many years.
Not since his brother.
Ketho couldn’t breathe as the truth of that hit him.
He pulled from Jarne’s embrace. He sat on the edge of the bed. His heart thumped in his ears. He dropped his head into his hands, fingers tugging his hair.
