Page 60 of A Winter Redemption
Odd. Ketho stepped back, and Mila watched him as he walked around to the back of the cabin.
Ketho paused, brows furrowing.
What am I looking at?
Jarne looked up as he approached. He smiled. “You came.”
“You asked me to,” Ketho said. “Jarne, I don’t thin—”
“Please,” Jarne said. “Just give me a few minutes. Then I’ll never bother you again. I promise”
You’ve never been a bother.The words stuck in Ketho’s throat. He gestured to the strange makeshift…something surrounding Jarne. “What is all this?”
Jarne lifted his hands as if he wanted to touch Ketho. Then he dropped them. He stared at his feet. “I know you’re scared. Because to you, when you think of love, you think of being controlled and manipulated. But I wanted to show you what I think of when I think of love and a future with you.”
Ketho shook his head. “Jarne, I—”
“Please. Just a few minutes,” Jarne said.
Ketho nodded.
Jarne let out a relieved breath and gestured behind him. “It’s a cabin. Or the idea I have of a cabin.”
A few wooden posts stood upright in the snow. Pieces of furniture had been dragged out. Ketho could see different boot prints.
“I’ve decided to stay in Ores,” Jarne said.
“What?”
“My mother and Sasha came.” Jarne grimaced. “And I realised I didn’t want to go back. Even if you didn’t want me, I didn’t want to return to Bordertown. So when the weather warms, I’m going to build a cabin. Like this one. But not here. Somewhere else in Ores. This is just to give you an idea.” Jarne gave a nervous smile.
Ketho’s heart twisted. He wanted to calm Jarne’s anxiety, stroke his cheek and tell him it would be all right. But how could he when he was about to break Jarne’s heart?
Jarne walked to two wooden posts. “See, between these two posts will be walls,” Jarne gestured. “Then it goes along here. And along here and along here.” He stepped around, indicating where all the walls went.
“Then I’ve got a desk here to work.” Jarne pointed to the desk that had been dragged out. He ran his hands across the wood. “I’ll need to order essential oils and supplies to set up a workspace. Maybe I’ll make my own essential oils. But that’s not important right now.” He waved a hand. Jarne spoke quickly, rushing the words out.
“And here’s a table for two.” Jarne swallowed. “To eat meals and talk.” Then he stood in front of an armchair. “And here’s a seat for you in front of a fireplace. To doze or watch me work. Surprisingly you don’t seem bored watching me work.” Jarne smiled shakily. “Of course, you can do whatever you want to do.”
And despite all his protestations, Ketho could see it. He could see the life Jarne wanted, and he could see himself in this cabin, built for them. He wanted it so much his teeth ached.
But wanting it didn’t change his fears. Didn’t change the panic he so often felt. Wanting it didn’t chase away the terror of being controlled and manipulated, of giving someone power over you.
“Jarne…,” he said, voice weak.
“And you talk about wandering and being free. Well, I can’t work all the time,” Jarne said. “I’ve learnt recently that life is more than work. I’ve heard that making time for frivolities and fun is important. And of course we need to spill fluids together regularly.”
Ketho huffed a laugh. His chest twinged with yearning. Ketho longed to touch Jarne, stroke his beautiful face and kiss him, tell him he wanted this too. But he couldn’t.
“And we should make a point to do what you want. That’s vital.” Jarne stepped away from the chair and moved towards Ketho, standing in front of him. “Because I’ve learnt a few things about love recently. Love isn’t taking. Love isn’t using someone. Love isn’t conditional and based on what others can do for you. That isn’t love. Not truly.”
Ketho couldn’t speak.
“I know you’re scared.” Jarne reached out and took Ketho’s trembling hands, picking them up as if he was picking up an injured animal. “I know you don’t want to trust because the one person who told you they loved you hurt you and abandoned you. Because you loved them, and they used that love to hurt you.”
Jarne squeezed his hands. “I know what it’s like to only be seen and valued for what you can do for others. My mother, my father, and Sasha, they only cared about me because of what I could do for them. But that isn’t love. Not really.” Jarne lifted Ketho’s hands and kissed each one, a feather-light brush of lips.
“I don’t know much about your brother, but when he manipulated you, used you, and hurt you, that wasn’t love,” Jarne said. “Because love is caring for someone unconditionally. It’s wanting what’s best for them, seeing that they are looked after and that their needs are met.” Jarne paused. “Ketho, I love you.”
