Page 35 of Under The Twilight Rainfall
“I meant what I said. I can’t. I can’t stay. I can’t give you more than this. But... we still have ten days. I don’t want to fight this the whole time. If you want to touch me, I want you to. If I want...”
It’s an offer. Not for what I want, but it’s enough. Ten days.
I step closer and place my hands on his hips, digging my fingers in so I have his attention. His eyes find mine, and if he told me I could kiss him, I’d take it in a heartbeat.
“Anything you want,” I say, pushing closer. My chest touches his. “You can have anything you want from me.”
He stares, blue eyes the crystal color of the waves when we were on Apo Island, and his silence would be concerning if not for how his hands slide along my back, closing the miniscule distance and pressing our bodies together.
“I don’t know yet.”
That’s okay. Whenever he’s ready, I’ll give him whatever he needs. No matter how much it’ll kill me to have him and lose him, I’ll do it.
Dex is my kryptonite. I’ll burn down the world for him, even if it means I go up in flames.
Overthenextweek,Valen makes sure I get the most out of my Philippines experience. We spend a solid three days in Manila, where he helps me cut together a few more videos.
At no point does he touch me. I can tell that he wants to, and the longer I let these feelings seep in the more my body craves it. But it feels like a line that if I cross, I’ll never come back from.
It’s one thing at night for us to hold each other. For me to rut against him and listen to his gasped breaths as he gets himself off with me. But his hands never touch me that way. Because I haven’t told him I want it.
He’s so goddamn respectful, and as much as I wish he’d throw that respect out the window and make me give in to this bone-deep desire, I’m grateful for it.
I want him to fuck me, but what I need is something more. Something he builds in me until it feels like I might burst.
Something about this morning feels different. I can’t put my finger on it, but as I pocket my phone I can feel the difference like a prickle along my arms.
Maybe there’s a storm rolling in? The weather here can be unpredictable, but we’ve somehow avoided the worst of the rainy days.
Today’s destination is important, though. It’s an anticipated shoot on my public page as well as highly requested on my private one for the exhibitionists. Not that I have plans to have sex or get off while I’m there; it feels incredibly disrespectful to the other tourists and guides.
But if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s teasing. And Valen offered to help. If it’s anything like last time, then I have to be careful not to lose myself. Maybe I’ll sneak a couple shots of him, too.
Not for the blog. But for me.
Because Valen Olaño is a beautiful man, a man who for a couple more days is mine.
“Do you have everything you need?” he asks just as I finish zipping up my canyoneering pack.
All I need to bring with me is a spare shirt, my waterproof camera, and my GoPro and the selfie stick that goes with it, and thanks to the pack being designed for trips like this, I shouldn’t have to worry about anything getting damaged.
We plan on spending a couple hours exploring Kawasan Falls, so I made sure to pick an old wife-beater I keep for editing days to go with my swim shorts because I probably won’t wear it for long.
Valen has already ditched his shirt entirely because he doesn’t have pasty ass skin that will burn in five minutes under the sun. I’ve already got a nice pink hue going on from the week I’ve been here and time spent walking outside. We traveled to two other beaches in that time and, yeah, my skin could be happier.
Let’s hope Spinny picked a shadier destination after this.
After this. Right. We’ve only got a few more days.
Valen seems to sense my change in mood because his arms come around me, and he presses a soft kiss to the back of my neck as he pulls me into his chest.
“I’m here.”
I haven’t kissed him, butthis—where he holds me close and peppers little kisses along my neck and shoulder—this makes my heart flutter and constrict. I haven’t had the resolve to ask him to stop. I don’t really want him to.
“I don’t need it,” I say, but just like every time before it falls on deaf ears.
“Didn’t say you did,mahal ko.”
