Page 15 of Under The Twilight Rainfall
Most of the adults are outside enjoying the cooling weather—which is still hot if you ask me—but Theo is sitting at my feet playing with a toy train, and Valen disappeared a few minutes ago for a shower.
It’s just me, a munchkin, and a laptop full of pictures that should be about the beauty of the Philippines but are ninety percent me obsessing over Valen motherfucking Olaño.
“Vally says you used to be like me,” a little voice pops up in my ear, and I slam my laptop closed and pray I didn’t damage anything. “He says you were his brother once too.”
Theo is leaning with his arms crossed on the arm of the couch, looking up at me with wide, innocent eyes brimming with curiosity.
“Oh, um… yeah. For a few years I was placed in his home just like you were.”
His gaze is unwavering, but he tilts his head and makes a little sound. “You didn’t stay?”
I am not going to be prickly with a six-year-old. He’s small. It’s in his nature to ask ridiculously personal questions that make me kinda wanna hit the ground and run.
“Sorry, buddy, not everybody gets their forever home.”
Oh no.
His little lip pops out—and are those tears? No, no way. I did not make the little kid cry.
“Hey,” I say, turning to face him. “Not everybody wants just one place to be their home. See, people like me, we like experiencing a bit of everywhere. We like making friends and running around all these amazing places.”
“But what about family?” I stare incredulously as he climbs onto the couch and sits himself right square in my lap. “Family is everything.”
Tell that to my mother when she surrendered me to the state, refused to name my father, and every relative contacted couldn’t be bothered to answer the phone.
“Family looks a little different for some people.”
I can tell by his puffy cheeks that he doesn’t like my answer, but I’m saved by footsteps padding into the living room. We both look up to see Valen in a sleep tank and shorts scrubbing a towel over his head, and Theo is out of my lap like a rocket, launching himself at Valen, who stumbles before wrapping the little nugget in his arms.
“Vally!” Valen laughs at Theo’s obvious enthusiasm, smiling at me when he gets close in a way that shouldn’t make my insides feel warm.
Stop looking at me like that.
He turns his attention to the boy practically bouncing in his arms, who leans in close and cups his hand over his mouth like he’s going to whisper to Valen, but I’ve never met a kid who understood that whisperingisn’t supposed to be heard by the person you’re whispering about.
This one is no different.
“Dex doesn’t have his forever home.”
Tattling little shit.But I can’t help smiling.
Valen catches it before I can wipe it away, his eyes wholly focused on mine.
“He has one. It’s waiting for him. But Dex is a big boy, and he’s not ready to come back yet, and that’s okay.”
“And you’re going to watch out for him, right? Until he’s ready?”
Valen goes pink from his ears to his neck, and his eyes drop from mine to focus on Theo. It feels like my own face might be heating—because is that what he’s doing? Watching out for me? Finding out my travel plans? Stalking my socials?
“I think it’s time to get you ready for bed.”
Theo whines but doesn’t fight Valen on picking up and putting away his toys, and even runs ahead to the bathroom when Valen hands him a towel and tells him to wash off first. Neither of us speaks, our history hanging in the air like an inflated hot air balloon about to run out of gas.
Once upon a time, the Olaños sat me down and asked me to be a part of their family. Permanently. It sounded too good to be true. I had looked at Valen, who had become a savior of sorts, and then I’d remembered my last placement.
I’d remembered having this same talk. I’d remembered enthusiastically saying ‘yes yes, please give me a home,’ only to have it ripped away at the last possible second. To lose someone I had become close to, someone who’d used me and betrayed me, and I didn’t want to open myself up to that again.
So, I’d turned it down. I’d pulled away.
