Page 86 of Phantom Faceoff
I sigh into the minuscule space between us, but when he tries to move away, I anchor a hand on the back of his head.
“Are things with your family that bad?”
I expect him to get defensive, maybe a little angry again, but it’s like his whole body deflates.
“They’re nice enough,” he says, voice low. “They stop in for visits every couple of months. They call on game days, when they remember. They’re dutiful parents.”
The muscles in his neck are tense, so I dig my fingers gentle and slow into them.
“But?”
“But …” He lets out a heavy breath. “They don’tlike me.”
“I find that hard to believe. Everyone likes you.”
I jolt as he pinches my nipple, holding back the moan that I know is the opposite of his intention.
“Smart ass. Fine. Less that they don’t like me and more that they … don’t know me, I guess.”
Zander shrugs and pulls away, throwing himself back on the cushions and bringing his knees to his chest.
“I have a little sister by like two years, Liliana, and she’s sweet as hell. She really is. I love her. I love being her older brother.”
He drags a hand through his hair, face twisted in a mix of frustration and regret.
“Around the time I started kindergarten, she got an autism diagnosis. My parents, they dideverythingfor her. Every therapy she needed, braces for toe-walking, the industrial iPad so she could shout for more cheerios or Baby Shark across the house.”
I offer him a hand, settling across from him and bumping his leg with mine.
“They took care of me. Met all my needs. Signed me up for extracurriculars. Everything a parent is supposed to do, but they just … weren’t there. Lili was always in the back of their minds. They’d remember all of her restrictive foods but forget I don’t eat seafood. We’d go to every sensory friendly event offered, but my games were too overstimulating, and they didn’t trust anyone to watch her.”
He drops my hand to wrap his arms around himself with such a horribly sad and broken expression.
“Even now. They can’t stop talking about every single accomplishment she makes—and I’mhappyto hear about it—but when I tell them that we are so fucking close to making it to the Frozen Four, I get tight smiles and a “that’s nice, honey”, and then they somehow bring it back around to Lili—like askingif I can let her borrow my truck to practice driving because they don’t want to risk the family vehicle.”
As tears start to well in his eyes, I reach out and put my hands on his knees, spreading them and fitting myself between them. I put my arms around him, and he settles his head on my chest no questions asked.
“Tonight,” he says, mouth brushing my collarbone as he speaks. “They told me that Lili applied here, to North Haven, even though they’ve been trying to get her to go to some special school out west. They said if she’s accepted they want me to look into getting student housing with her. And I …”
The guilt on his face is louder than a thunder crash.
“I feel like an asshole saying I don’t want to do that! And then I feel more like an asshole because now I’m just hoping that she doesn’t. That they have to send her anywhere but here.”
His words grow wet, and I feel the coolness from the tears that fall silently down his cheeks. The only indication we aren’t just holding each other for the hell of it is how his shoulders shake, how his fingers dig hard enough into my ribs to bruise.
I hate this for him. Hate that he feels this way. Hate that there’s nothing I can do about it except hold him.
“I’ve got you, baby boy.”
He shudders again, works his lips up my neck until they find mine, and just like that I’m lost in him. Lost in us.
Zander wormed his way into the cracks in my heart, and as the patchwork sets in, he’s sealed inside. There’s no getting him out.
I’m not sure I want to.
When I wake up, I’m alone. The blanket is half lying on the floor, my back—and the many hickeys Zander left as we were trying to fall asleep—on full display.
It must still be early, because the place is still relatively quiet, and I contemplate dozing for a few more minutes when I hear voices drifting out through the kitchen.
