Page 63 of Phantom Faceoff
Goddamn do I want him.
In ways I haven’t wanted since the days I’d let myself get lost in Mack.
I want to get lost in Zander.
The motel we pick out is close to campus so if anyone needs out in a hurry they don’t feel trapped.
I wanted to get there first, to give myself time to gain a little confidence, but as I had work—as I do most days—I’m the last to arrive.
Julian and Zander are sitting on one of the two beds together, Zander’s hand on Julian’s thigh as they lean their heads close together, passing quiet words between them.
It’s hard not to smile at their happiness, at my two boys enjoying each other’s company.
My boys.
When did I start to think of them like that?
It feels natural. Right.
Maybe I’m more into this Daddy thing than I thought.
Julian catches sight of me first, and I can tell by his big grin that he’s dying to bounce right into my arms.
When he opens his mouth, it wobbles slightly, but he quickly recovers. “Mal!”
I move around to the bed, holding out an arm that he quickly falls into. I kiss his head, well aware of Zander’s gaze on us.
“What are you two up to?”
Julian grins. “Trouble.”
Zander laughs and smacks him on the thigh, making Julian squeak and giggle.
He’s feeling full blown Little today.
I’m not sure how I feel about that given what we’re about to do. But I’ll table that until I get him alone.
“We were talking about you,” Zander says. “About tonight.”
“We don’t have to do this,” I tell them. “If anyone is uncomfortable …”
“Mal.” Julian takes a step back and grabs hold of my shoulders. “You always take care of everybody else. Let us take care of you for once. Besides.”
He steps back and drops into Zander’s lap. “Sex with Z is hardly a hardship.”
I cross my arms over my chest, trying to hide the bout of insecurity swimming through me.
“But with me watching?”
While we’ve never been particularly turned on by each other, we’ve also never explicitly been turnedoffeither. At least, I haven’t.
Julian drags Zander’s arm across his chest so he can hold it. “It’s hot. Someone watching us … directing us …”
He flashes me those innocent eyes, and it’s impossible not to smile. “Directing, huh? What did you have in mind?”
I’d planned on being a relatively silent observer, not wanting to get in the way of whatever makes them feel good.
“We want you to get as much pleasure from this as possible,” Zander says, dropping his chin onto Julian’s shoulder. “Since you won’t let us touch you.”
