Page 100 of Roleplay at Randy's
“How do you think she'd feel to know her eldest son, her pride and joy, was tucking his tail and running from the first actual love of his life?”
I narrow my eyes at her. “That is a low blow and you know it.”
Our mother adores Cal. Loves him as much as the rest of us—even offered to bear most of the weight of raising Cal when I started to struggle—but if there's one thing she's tried to beat into my brain, it's not to give up on finding a love of my own. She's a romantic, always has been.
But she's also absolutely no nonsense and isn't afraid to beat a little sense into her children.
Miya's face softens just a bit around the edges. “You're my little brother. My best fucking friend on the planet. But I mean it. Why are you pushing him away when you are so obviously head over heels in love with him? Because he had a fumble with Calum? Because he was—rightfully might I add—afraid that you wouldn't want him anymore?”
The words hit like a slap to the face. I reel back, whipping my head toward where Matty and Cal are standing near the snack table, but Miya tugs on my suit until I return my focus to her.
“That's his biggest fear, Ei. That he'll fuck up and you'll toss him aside.”
Even though I shake my head and insist I would never, ever fucking do that, my sister's tight smile is unwavering.
“The reasoning might be different, but that's exactly what you're doing to him, little brother. You're pushing him away when he's asking you to hold him closer.”
That's not true. Matty agreed with me. This whole predicament hurts us both, but we know it's for the best. We need a little breathing room. Time for Matty to make sure being tied to us is what he really wants—that he's ready for it.
“When I said he needed time,” she goes on, “I didn’t mean timeapart. I meant to be patient with him.”
“It wouldn’t be fair for me to keep putting that on him.”
Miya huffs, and for a beat I genuinely worry she’s going to deliver me to our mother.
“Talk to him,” she says, and when I don't immediately agree, she drops her arms and grabs my hand, pulling me toward the man in question. “This one is yours now. Gimme my favorite nephew.”
Matty has to steady his hands on my shoulders so we don't both tumble into the food table. As Miya leads Cal into the music where a handful of other people are now dancing, I stay frozen in Matty’s pseudo-embrace, my hands hovering just above his waist.
Neither of us speak, and I don’t think we honestly know what to say to each other. It’s been like this since that night, where we can talk about work and Cal, but the moment it’s just the two of us, we become tongue tied.
Is Miya right? Did I go about this all wrong?
“Dance with me?” The words fall out unbidden, but they must be the right ones, because Matty’s soft, affectionate smile seeps straight into my heart.
“Always.” He twists my tie around his fingers like I do with his hair and tugs me toward the music.
A soft piano plays throughout the open air as my arms go around Matty's waist, his sliding up the front of my shirt to link behind my neck. Our bodies sway in tune with the music, with each other, Matty's wide eyes watching mine with rapt attention.
My lungs fight to expand, seeking out that quiet, blissed exhale that Matty always makes when we touch. Its absence sends a spiderweb of trepidation through my nervous system.
I pull him in tighter, until our bodies are nearly flush together, and press my thumb into the soft skin beneath his chin. He tips his head back, and I lower mine so we're both one small move from colliding.
His lips part, sucking in a full breath, and that's when I see that Miya is right. It's in the way his fingers tighten around the collar of my shirt. How his body tenses when our chests even slightly brush. How his eyes mist over when I don't close the distance.
He's holding back. It's what I asked for, but I'd rather break my heart a thousand times than watch him hide the sadness consuming him.
Hiding fromme.
“I love you,” I whisper, watching his eyes trace the words on my lips. “Nothing you could ever do would change that. Nothing will make me stop wanting you.”
Matty licks his lips, still focused on mine, and when his eyes do flit up, he raises onto his toes until our mouths are barely an inch apart.
“I’m in love with you, Elias Lee.” Electricity crackles across my skin, and I grip him tighter, pull him impossiblycloser. “You and Cal are my everything. The last thing in the world I want is to be separated from you.”
He breathes in deep and I take that moment to capture his mouth with mine, coaxing a shaky moan to pass between us.
My lips never stop touching his, even when I speak. “I never meant to make it seem like I didn’t want you.” We kiss again, and he’s the one who puts space between us to take in a breath. “I can’t think straight while being in love with you. If it’s half as bad for you … I want you to be sure you want this. More than just wanting me, but wanting the life that comes with that.”
