Page 95 of Roleplay at Randy's
I take a deep breath and know the worst is about to come.
“After the wedding,” I start, and I can already see the realization in his eyes. I wonder if he can see the heartbreak in mine. “I think we need to take a breather.”
He starts to shake his head, but I slip my fingers into his braid and tug his head still, large fearful eyes watching me.
“I’m not kicking you out. I don’t have the heart. I want you in my bed for all of eternity.” My chuckle is humorless, and it’s so hard to look him in the eyes when they’re filled with so much pain.
“But I think we should set some boundaries. Miya will be gone; it’s probably best if you go back to the couch. No more staying up when I get home from work. I’ll find Cal a new babysitter so you don’t have to take all of that on by yourself.” This is the kicker, what’s going to rip my heart out. “We need to start looking for an apartment for you.”
Matty’s composure shatters, and I can’t fucking take it.
One sob is all that slips out before I crash my mouth on top of his. He claws at my back, pushing up to meet my kisswith the same ferocity, with an urgency that matches the overactive beating of my heart.
Tell me no, I think.Tell me I’m wrong.
But I know I’m not. I know by the way he clings to me, by the tears that won’t stop falling.
“I love you,” I gasp between kisses, because I need him to hear me. I need him to feel it as deep down as I do. “I love you, and I want you, but I don’t want to break you. I don’t want you to be constantly afraid that I might pull the rug out from under you. If we ever do this, I want it to be an equal partnership.”
I nip at his lip and suck it between my teeth until a whimper rises in his throat. “I want you to know without a doubt that you belong.”
Because he does. Right here. With Me. He just needs to see it. Accept it.
“Lee,” he rasps in a hoarse whisper. “Can I be your doll? Please?”
Oh, Matty.
I kiss him one last time and ease him onto his back, pushing myself up so I can look down at him. His cheeks are a bright, splotchy hue, and his braided hair is half tugged free, frizzed along his face and the pillowcase.
I stroke my fingers along his cheek, over his nose to the other side, across his chin, down the length of his neck. My palm rests over his heart, feeling the thump beneath his skin. Fingertips scrape across nipples, pad along the scars below. Trail to the V of his hips, pressing my fingers to the soft flesh and tracing the band of his boxers.
“Do you need to lay here and take it, Princess?”
His lips part, and his chest heaves with each shuddered breath. Expressive, golden eyes answer where his words can’t.
“This is going to hurt.” I lean down to kiss his eyelids. “Because it’s going to be slow and soft. Because I’m going to make you feel how deeply I’ve fallen for you.”
Matty’s hands touch my face, only a ghost of a touch, and when he pulls them back, they motion out two, small words.
‘Hurt me.’
23
MATTY
I can handle rough sex.I can handle passionate sex.
What I can’t handle are the touches I can barely feel. Lips brushing my skin but not bruising. Tongue tracing slow circles around my dick until I’m achingly hard.
Elias was patient and meticulous about getting us out of our clothes, and then he used my body as a playground for his fingers, his mouth, his tongue.
Right now, his hands are smoothing over my thighs, squeezing and kneading, forcing them up so he has better access to my dick and hole.
It’s torture to hold myself back from leaning into the touch, to not fuck myself on his face and release all of his awful tension with an orgasm.
But I meant it when I said I wanted to be his doll. I don’t want to chase release—I don’t even know that I want one at all.
I just want tofeel him.
