Page 55 of Roleplay at Randy's
I don’t believe in forever, he said.
I don’t believe in myself, is what I heard.
I’m scared of how fast I’m falling for you.
That makes two of us.
14
MATTY
Being in Elias’room at this time of night is strange. Even more strange is hearing the shower run, the one attached to his room not the one down the hall.
There was an open invitation for me to join him, but I have a smidgen of self preservation remaining.
Elias makes me feel safe, almost too safe, and the boundaries we both put in place are too easy to smear.
Though, I guess now those boundaries are a little up in the air.
For Miya’s benefit, we’re going to give into our need to be close to one another. Kissing, touching, cuddling, around her we can be as sweet on each other as we want. What we haven’t talked about is if that gives us permission to do more when no one is looking.
Inviting me into the shower sure sounds like permission.
Goddamn horny brain needs to take a break.
I end up inspecting my bruises in Elias’ dresser mirror. My chest looks like it went a round as the target in a batting cage, and I can still feel the ghost of Elias’ lips marking me.
Here’s the thing about getting your heart broken: Itlingers in the back of your mind like a sour aftertaste. No matter how good and sweet something is, the moment it’s no longer at the forefront, that pain seeps back in and takes over.
Guilt crawls over me as memories flash like lightning strikes. Riley and me in the living room. Sitting in his lap while he braids my hair and nips at my shoulder. Him placing me on the counter while he makes breakfast, keeping one hand on my thigh because having me close was calming to him. Us laughing as he carries me to the bedroom to make love to me.
It hurts so goddamn much.
Dancing on the ice that Riley warned me was too fragile. The ground falling away beneath me. Waking up in the hospital and wanting nothing more than for Riley to hold me and comfort me because my world as I knew it had just been turned on its head.
But he’d held back. Because we were a secret. We were madly in love behind closed doors, within the confines of our apartment, but anywhere else, we were just roommates. No matter the circumstances, he only let himself get so close when others could see.
After the slew of doctors and tests and finding out that most of my hearing wasn’t going to come back, it killed me.
I needed him. All of him. Because I had already lost so much of myself.
We tried and we failed so many times. Each time felt like another piece of me being chipped away.
I left for my own sanity. Because we weren’t getting better. Riley wasn’t ready, and it broke my heart even more that I couldn’t wait.
“I’m going to have to propose to you one day, aren’t I?” I’d askedwhile lying across the couch stuffing chocolate chips in my face. It had been a joke, but also an admission of fear.
Riley’s brows met in the middle, and he paused the replay of his last hockey match on his laptop to look over at me.
“Whatcha talkin’ ‘bout, squirt?”
Yeah, yeah. I’m short, and he’s a freaking athletic giant.
“One day, when you’re retired, and I’m having to take care of your whiny ass who won’t know what to do with himself, I’m going to make you marry me.”
I hadn’t missed the anxiety that pinched his face, but there was also the softest adoration.
“I love you, sweetheart.”
