Page 76 of Roleplay at Randy's
I don't want him invading these moments with Elias. I want to appreciate these feelings without the looming threat of what I lost, of what I stand to lose again.
I turn and press my nose to Elias’ throat. He's a deep sleeper, doesn't stir even when I press in close, head to his chest to hear his heartbeat.
The realization sits like a heavy weight in my chest. I'm inlove with him. Sometime between our late night talks and sitting outside Randy’s Diner after our fight, my infatuation with Elias Lee transformed into a soul-carved caring strong enough to make me lose my bearings.
This is the connection I’ve been missing—craving—and my body made damn sure I cemented that shit to memory.
It’s how he trusts me when I say I can handle it rough, but he’ll check in, make us take a breather so he can cover me in soft, gentle touches and sweet kisses.
If I lay here in bed too much longer I’ll likely never leave it. I’ll wait for Elias to wake, trade lazy kisses and teasing touches until we’re both too worked up to hold back, and then we’ll fuck for the millionth time and roll out of bed only to hop in the shower and do it all over again.
I’m not opposed, but there’s a voice in the back of my head saying I need distance. So, even though his arms are calling to me, I slip away from Elias’ warmth and pad into the bathroom. It’s smaller than the main one, but it still has a shower, toilet, and sink.
I warm the water up and step beneath the spray, not realizing how tense I am until the heat washes it away. Hannah sent me a check in text asking if I was okay after yesterday, and while I’ve opened and closed the message a handful of times, I haven’t figured out how to respond.
Iamokay. Elias knows he was acting like a dick, and we spent some time before he left for work talking about our insecurities. In that respect, I’m alright.
I had a night full of intense, passionate sex, and my pesky little heart decided that we were done riding the line and fell head first in love with Elias. Or maybe I’ve been in love with him from the start.
The way he looks at me, the overly gentle ways hetouches me, they all fire off the synapses in my brain that maybe he’s falling in love with me, too.
I towel off my hair when I step out of the shower and then braid it back, trying to push through the confusing mess of feelings. Elias is still asleep when I cross back into the room, and seeing his drooling, snoring face eases the storm cloud of worry.
Elias is safe.
Loving him isn’t a hardship. It isn’t a burden.
Sure, I’m scared shitless of trying again, but regardless of how deep it runs, Elias cares for me, too. We’ll navigate whatever comes next, together.
Feeling a little less trepidation, I grab a pair of boxers and sweats from my drawers and a t-shirt from Elias’. I’m a clothing thief through and through, and I not-so-secretly love the look in his eyes every time he catches me in something of his.
Cal’s cartoons echo down the hallway as I close the bedroom door. He’s flopped in a beanbag with one of his blankets wrapped around himself singing along to the movie playing on the TV.
Miya is sitting in the loveseat drinking coffee, looking every bit as tired as I feel. She looks up when I cross to the couch and inclines her head to the kitchen.
“There’s coffee in the pot if you want any.”
I can feel her eyes on me as I head into the kitchen, and I get the feeling that Elias and I weren’t as quiet as we thought. Needing to do something with my hands, I grab the waffle mix and maker from the cabinet. While I prefer pancakes, Cal is into crunchy foods lately as opposed to mushy, so waffles it is.
I’m halfway through what I prepared of the mix when I feel someone watching me closer, and I know it isn’t Eliasbecause Cal will shout and jump him the moment he steps into the living room.
It’s really fucking cute, honestly. I liked having Lee to myself last night, where we could just be boyfriends of sorts, but I also love seeing him be a dad. How he’ll get on the floor and play with Cal or throw him over his shoulder and zoom around like superheroes.
It’s one aspect where I feel like I’m on the outside looking in. Like I’m a guest in their dynamic.
If Lee and I started something, where did that put me with Cal?
“It’s too early for all of those emotions.”
I jump and narrowly avoid burning my arm on the waffle maker. Don’t need a repeat of that.
Miya is leaning on the counter beside me, coffee cup to her lips, and I don’t think I’ve seen her without a cup of it since she got here. That’s a lot of caffeine.
“What?”
She shrugs, setting the mug down on the counter and stretching out her arms. “Did you and my brother have a good time?”
Oh, yeah. She knows.
