Page 81 of Roleplay at Randy's
I bite my lip and try not to laugh again, but there’s so much joy filling up my chest that it’s almost impossible not to.
“Think sooner. I’m proposing we find a day and time we can have for ourselves, set up your camera … and you can do whatever you want to me.”
The look in Matty’s eyes holds a filthy promise. “Are you sure about that?”
“One hundred percent. I’ll be at your mercy.”
When Matty breaks eye contact and ducks his head, I worry maybe I took it too far, but then I spot his smile, the one he thinks he can hide but his expressive eyes give him away.
It hasn’t just been years since I’ve been in a relationship, it’s been years since I’ve had a real, deeper than surface level friendship. I like the guys at work, and sure we head here after shift some nights to unwind, but that’s not the same as having someone in my life whogets me.
The realization unveils a little peek into the depth of pain Matty must have been dealing with these last few years. If he and Riley shared a connection like this, I can only imagine the void it must have left behind.
Do I fill that for him? Even a fraction?
I set my hand on the table, palm up, needing a physical tether to this thing between us. Matty’s fingers slide acrossmine, gentle at first, and then take hold like maybe he needs it, too.
My throat itches as I stare at our hands, at the warmth of his palm on mine, of his fingertips pressed to my wrist.
“You’re my best friend,” I say softly, half hoping he won’t hear and half praying that he does. “I don’t want to lose this.”
I understand his fear. I understand why starting this was a terrifying uphill battle for him. It’s not just the threat of falling in love.
It’s coming to love someone so completely, romantic attraction aside, that it becomes impossible to untangle yourself from them. When things end, when what should have worked inexplicably doesn’t, it’s not just a part of your heart that goes, it’s the bits and pieces of your soul that are connected to theirs that’s ripped apart.
It’s not just me Matty is connected to.
It’s Cal.
It’s our whole unit.
“Me neither,” Matty’s soft voice pushes through my heavy thoughts.
There’s something else in the way he’s staring at our joined hands, how he squeezes mine with the slightest tremble. His jaw ticks but doesn’t open, and if his head is in any amount of the disarray mine is, the last thing he needs is for me to push.
I want all of Matty Nichols. Someday.
The thought holds an uncomfortable weight.
Falling in love with you would be effortless,I had said.
It certainly was.
20
MATTY
I’m nervous.The kind of nervousness I don’t get before sex anymore. It has nothing to do with my anatomy, nothing to do with the person I’m sleeping with; it’s the fact that I’m in charge.
Which is ridiculous, because I’ve been in charge of everyone I’ve filmed with. I always made the calls. With Lee, it feels different.
Every time we’ve been together, no matter who seems to be leading at any given moment, we’re always feeding off each other. Push and pull.
We’re going into territory neither of us has much experience in, and Lee wants me to take the reins. He needs me to be the confident one. In control. Make this a pleasurable experience for him.
When a package arrives at the house a couple of days later, excitement starts a warm buzz beneath my skin. Lee quirks a brow from where he’s sitting on the floor next to the coffee table, fixing Cal’s stack of dominoes every time they get knocked over.
I lean down to brush a kiss over his mouth, chuckling when he reaches for the box.
