Page 102 of Stronger Than Fate
Niky and I had resumed contact. In her first calls, she talked a lot about Henry, insisting that he loved me, telling me that he didn’t look well, that her brother was suffering from our separation and that there were days when his mood was terribleand no one could even talk to him, but since I had asked her to avoid mentioning him, she no longer did so.
My brothers were aware of what had happened, but I was sure they still didn’t trust him. They didn’t tell me directly, but their comments left no doubt—they still didn’t like Henry.
The night before my departure, Sean invited me to dinner at a very elegant restaurant. I noticed he was somewhat melancholic, and I knew it was because I was leaving and it would be a long time until we saw each other again.
“Dali, you can’t imagine how wonderful it was having you with me.”
“It was wonderful for me too. You know I adore you; you’re like a brother to me. I’ll always be there for you just as you’re always there for me.”
“Brother...” he said, thoughtfully.
Another reason I was leaving was because in those last few days, Sean had been acting strange. Since I had told him about my intentions to return to Uruguay, I noticed he was different. It seemed like he wanted to confess something to me, and in his glances I had noticed something that worried me. To tell the truth, I was beginning to suspect that he felt something for me different from the affection a friend feels. He had never confessed to me who he was in love with, and that also reinforced my suspicions. I didn’t want to hurt him—I cared for him deeply and would never forgive myself for making him suffer, so I had decided that the best thing was to return to Uruguay.
“Of course, I love you like those two nosy brothers I ended up with, but they were imposed on me while I chose you,” I said, smiling, to ease the tension of the moment.
“Yes, of course,” he said, a bit downcast.
“When do you plan to return to Uruguay?” I asked, to change the subject.
“I still don’t know. When this semester ends, I have a month of vacation, but I might take a trip, I don’t know.”
“And where will you spend Christmas and New Year’s? Those holidays are just around the corner.”
“I’ll let you know when I decide; I’m still not sure. And you, what are you going to do about Woollardy? You know now that he didn’t cheat on you, so what’s next?” he asked, looking at me seriously.
“I didn’t tell him I was coming back. I still don’t want to face him because I know I can’t continue in that relationship, but I don’t feel strong enough to be in front of him. He doesn’t love me and he won’t love me, so why keep postponing the inevitable? That would only hurt me more.”
“What an imbecile!”
“I can’t blame him for not loving me. No one has control over feelings because they’re irrational—we simply don’t choose who we fall in love with. Now, since I know that I do love him, I have no choice but to overcome the heartbreak.”
“That I understand all too well. As the popular saying goes,‘God gives bread to those who have no teeth,’” he said ironically, shaking his head, and looked at me with that strange gaze that lately had made me doubt his feelings toward me, but now, with those words, seemed more than clear.
“Let’s toast to us and our friendship. That’s something good in our lives,” I proposed, to avoid continuing with that topic.
We raised our wine glasses and made the toast. I found myself thinking about Sean’s feelings. If he was really in love with me, even though I didn’t want to and it pained my soul, I would end up hurting him, because I couldn’t reciprocate—I would always see him as a friend. How ironic life was! Sean in love with me,who didn’t love him the way he wanted; and me in love with Henry who didn’t reciprocate. If we had fallen in love with each other, perhaps everything would be simpler, but fate was cruel to us, preventing us from being happy.
When we returned to his apartment, I could see he was very downcast, and I couldn't just stay quiet and do nothing, so I took my phone and put on some music. Once again, I searched for a song that I knew myrockerfriend would like and that would get us moving.“Sweet child o'mine”by Guns N' Roses began to play loudly.
“And what does this mean?” he asked, looking at me with surprise.
“It means dance therapy. Let's shake our bodies, handsome!”
Sean smiled and stretched out his hand for me to take it. I immediately went to him and we started dancing, twirling and jumping while laughing out loud. But the “therapy” didn't work out as I expected. Sean tripped, with such bad luck that he ended up pushing me, and we fell onto the couch with his body on top of mine. He didn't hesitate and I had no doubt about what he was going to do—he pressed his lips against mine and kissed me. I didn't push him away, but I didn't return his kiss either. After a few seconds, he got up and looked at me with fear, while I sat up on the couch and looked at him with sadness.
“Come, sit down and let's talk.”
“I'm sorry, Dali, I shouldn't have done that,” he stated, without sitting down.
“That's true, you shouldn't have. Why did you do it?” I asked, taking his hand and forcing him to sit beside me.
“Isn't it obvious?”
“Am I the person you're in love with?” I asked. There was no point in beating around the bush; I had to address it as soon as possible and with great sensitivity.
“Always have been,” he said, lowering his head, ashamed and defeated.
I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug, and he responded by putting his arms around my waist.
