Page 112 of Until You Came Along
—Tony Robbins
The next day, when we arrived at my apartment, I found the suitcase I had taken to Hermes’s house next to my door. I imagined he had sent all my things back. I expected nothing less from him. That gesture was a clear demonstration that he no longer wanted me in his life. It devastated me to have the certainty that he had already made that decision without hearing what I had to say. I knew I could potentially find a solution if I managed to confess everything I’d experienced with my father, but the problem was that I didn’t know how to do it, and I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to. Now that everything had happened, his reaction hurt me. At no point had he trusted me.
“What’s that?” my brother asked, who was still feeling a bit paranoid.
“Don’t worry, it’s my suitcase. I had it at Hermes’s house because I’d taken some of my clothes there. He brought it back because he probably doesn’t want anything of mine in his house,” I responded, with sadness.
“Well, let’s go in and think about how to solve this,” he said, while opening the door with the key the doorman had given us. “First, we’ll call a locksmith to change the lock and then…”
“Then we’ll go to your house in Miami. I want to get away for a few days, Tom. I want to think carefully about how to move forward, how to face my future,” I said, while sitting on the living room sofa as my brother secured all the door bolts. “I was thinking a lot last night and I’m not sure I want to continue my relationship with Hermes. I love him, but it also hurt me that he didn’t give me his vote of confidence. I asked him to let me explain and he wouldn’t even allow it. He’s a very distrustful man and life with him will always be like this. Also, and no less important, I don’t know if I’m capable of forgetting everything that has happened. I’m afraid that Naik might hurt him again.”
“That won’t happen, he’s not stupid, he knows it’s not in his best interest. If his double life comes to light, he’s the only one who loses,” he affirmed, calmly, while sitting next to me.
“I need to think. I swear my head is going to explode at any moment. If I take that step, I have to be sure I’m doing it convinced that it will be the best for both of us.”
“Alright, we’ll do as you say.” He ruffled my hair with his hand and picked up the phone to call a locksmith.
We had a quiet lunch and afterward went out to buy a new phone for me. When I finished setting it up, I had several messages and calls. Many were from Serafina complaining about not having heard from me, other messages were from my brother sent while he was traveling to Uruguay, there were some from my secretary and also from Baco. Nothing from Hermes. Baco’s message was harsh and his words hurt me deeply:
“How could you play with Hermes’s feelings like that? I wish we had never met you. What a disappointment you turned out to be! You no longer exist for us. Spare me the disgust of running into you”
I began to cry inconsolably. I felt without strength, and even though we had been able to stop Naik’s impositions, I still felt defeated and my heart ached, how it ached! Beyond the factthat my innocence might be difficult to believe, none of them placed any trust in me. None of them gave me the chance to explain the situation and they always took Naik’s words as truth. Although Hermes had found me in a hotel suite, he didn’t find me in any compromising situation whatsoever. In fact, he should have noticed that I was trying to escape from Naik’s clutches the entire time, and I even asked him to let me explain and to help me, I begged him to listen to me. No, he didn’t place any hope in me, he condemned me from the beginning, just like Baco who believed Hermes’s words without hearing mine. It was clear that I wouldn’t get justice if I was judged by them; the Darwich family had already placed me in the dock, certain they had all the evidence in their favor. I was condemned. But a wise person once said, “you can’t live on love alone, nor die from disappointment.”
“What’s wrong, little one?” my brother asked, seeing me cry.
“Don’t worry. These first few days you’ll probably see me cry very often, but it will pass. I’ll have to grieve, little by little I’ll let go and the pain will begin to disappear, or so I hope.”
“Are you determined not to talk to him?”
“It’s for the best. At work I already have the next few days off because we were planning to spend New Year’s with you, so I’m going to do what was planned. Whenever you’re ready, we’ll go and I’ll stay at your house for a few days. I’m also going to put this apartment up for sale because with Baco living here, I’m not free from running into Hermes. Besides, Baco also wants me out of his life; he sent me a message asking me to spare him the disgust of having to see me, or something like that. I want to avoid any possibility of seeing them; it’s best for them and for me. I’m going to call a friend who has a real estate agency and ask him to put it up for sale right away. When I get back, I’ll rentsomething until I can buy in another area, as far away from here as possible.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want? Because it really bothers me that you have to do all this when you’re completely innocent. In fact, you’re the victim in this whole situation!”
“I’ve thought about it carefully and, yes, I think it’s for the best. Although in these last few days Hermes seemed to have changed, it’s obvious that he’ll never overcome the betrayal he experienced, and I’ll always end up paying for his frustration. I don’t want to be the instrument he uses as revenge for his past.”
"Why do you say that?" he asked, with great curiosity.
"Hermes had already told me that he would never propose marriage to me, he never planned to get married, and that was due to the betrayal of his previous girlfriend. I don't care, it's just a formality, but deep down inside, I know it hurts me to have to pay the consequences for someone else's actions," I exhaled with resignation. "The fact that he didn't trust me is also because he never trusted a woman again. To him, we're all traitors, and that means I have to prove to him day after day that I'm different. I swear it's exhausting."
"I understand," my brother said, seeming surprised by what he had heard. "Let me tell you that he's an imbecile. If he didn't realize you're a sensational woman, he doesn't deserve you. I really dislike what you've told me—you shouldn't have to sacrifice your dreams because of his frustrations. It's not fair."
"If you're talking about the wedding, it wasn't something I dreamed about, but giving it up because of someone else's mistake didn't make me feel good. But that's how it was—take it or leave it, there was no other option."
"And you decided to leave it like that, to let him think you cheated on him."
"Yes," I confirmed.
"You know I'll support you in whatever you decide. If you choose to live with me permanently, you'd make me very happy."
"I have my job and I can't leave it overnight, but I'll think about it." I looked at him and caressed his face. "Now, if it doesn't upset you, I want you to tell me about your love. Do you have any chance of getting him back?"
"I don't think so. Connor and I met during our medical residency. I realized he had feelings for me, but I wasn't brave enough to take that leap—I was always afraid of our father's actions. We started spending time together and I ended up falling in love, but he was the one who made the first move. After that, there was no turning back. Connor spent most of his time at my place and we really got along well. The problem arose when Malek Naik found out about that relationship and didn't hesitate to threaten me with hurting you if I didn't stay away from Connor. I didn't even think twice—I told him I didn't want to continue, that I didn't love him and that I wanted to keep experimenting and living freely. I made him suffer and I don't forgive myself for it, but it was for the best. Connor moved to California and we haven't seen each other since."
"I'm so sorry, Tom. Is there anything we can do? How long ago did you break up?"
"Six months ago. And I don't think there's anything we can do. Connor probably has another partner by now."
"Have you had any news from him?"
