Page 59 of Until You Came Along
Hermes exhaled, and I got the impression that he seemed exhausted.
“I haven’t talked about this in a long time,” he said, and seemed to gather courage to continue, “and believe me, it’s not easy. I was in love, we got along well, and I wanted to spend all my time with her, so after a year of dating, I proposed. I didn’t even hesitate; I knew what I felt and what I wanted. Valeria accepted without hesitation.”
I realized that hearing his confession made me jealous, and I envied that woman who had conquered him and won his love. Hermes paused and looked at me, and I took the opportunity to ask a question.
“How old were you?”
“We were both 26, though I was much more mature than she was. By then, I was already in charge of the family business. We set a date for the wedding two months after my proposal. Everything proceeded normally, with the nerves and excitement typical of such an event.”
“The day before the wedding, Valeria asked me not to see each other, supposedly because of that silly superstition, but that night I was anxious and needed to see her. I don’t know, it was like I had a premonition, so I decided to stop by to say goodnight. I had a key to her house, so I went in and…” —he paused and looked down, as if those memories still tortured him— “I found her rolling around with my best friend. Later I found out they had been together for almost a year, meaning almost our entire relationship, but she didn’t want to give up my fortune, so she agreed to marry me while continuing her affair with that traitor.”
At that moment, he interrupted his story and looked at me. His eyes were shining, and the anguish he felt was palpable.
“I’m sorry, Hermes. I’m sorry you had to go through that horrible experience.”
“Horrible doesn’t even begin to cover it. After that, I swore I would never again fall into the trap of that feeling that only brings disappointment and pain. They will always end up betraying me and betraying my trust. My only certainty in this life is that I must never trust again.”
“I can understand why you think that way, but you shouldn’t let that experience mark your life so deeply. You’re still giving them too important a place in it.”
He looked at me for a long time without saying anything, and I took the opportunity to continue expressing what I thought. If we were going to be honest, it was better not to hold anything back.
“If you keep looking back, toward the past, and don’t turn to see what you have in your present, you might lose the opportunity to have a great future.”
“No one has ever said something like that to me before.”
“Now that I know that part of your life, I can understand you a little better. Still, I have the feeling that all women fall into the same category as that traitor, and that doesn’t seem fair to me. If that’s the case, I don’t think we can have anything, because I aspire to something that under these conditions won’t work out.”
“Tell me what you aspire to,” he asked.
“I aspire to know everything about you, I aspire to have you as a partner, as a boyfriend, I aspire to win your heart, but it’s clear that I don’t have any chance, she took your heart and it seems she hasn’t returned it.”
“You aspire to a lot,” he said, resigned.
“I know, Hermes, I know, and, although it may sound immodest on my part, I believe I deserve to aspire to all that.”
“I don’t doubt it, the problem isn’t you, it’s me.”
“Someone once told me this phrase that I always keep in mind,” I said, looking at him and continuing, “‘To be happy, one needs to eliminate two things: the fear of a bad future and the memory of a bad past.’ It’s a quote from the philosopher Seneca and I always remember it.”
“I don’t dispute that it’s very wise, but it’s not easy to follow that advice.”
Again we looked at each other in silence, a silence that said more than many words.
“Yesterday I told you something that I still maintain. Beyond everything I just confessed to you, I want to be with you, I don’t want to lose you.”
“But you’ll never trust me, because I believe I understood that you think all women are treacherous.”
“Delfina, I want to try. You are the only one who has the possibility of making me forget everything, I feel it here,” he said, pointing to his chest with his index finger.
“You’re loading me with too much responsibility, I don’t know if I can handle that,” I stated.
“You can, darling. I want to be your boyfriend, your lover, your friend, I want your world to be me.”
“And will I be yours?” I asked, skeptical.
“Since I met you, I haven’t thought about anything but you. Give me that chance, I beg you.”
“Before making any decision, I need to tell you something important because I don’t want to hide anything from you. I know it will shock you, but I don’t want to keep it to myself. I won’t blame you if you want to walk out that door and never see me again.”
