Page 106 of May I Have the Pleasure
“Yes, of course. The prince was racing two of his cousins in racing phaetons and, rather unsurprisingly, lost control of his team. He was thrown from the coach, then trampled by his cousin’s horses and run over by the phaeton. He was quite dead instantly, the physician who examined him says. His moral remains are… ah… let us just say we shall not be viewing the remains at the funeral.”
“Very well, your grace. Consider your duty discharged. Backgammon?!”
“A pleasure, Princess Elizabeth.”
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“Mr Hopkins, pleasure to meet you.”
“The honour is mine, Princess Elizabeth.”
“So, you are to be my keeper?”
“Not keeper, your highness. You may think of me as your chief steward or man of business. The roles here in Sweden are somewhat different than in England, but not that much. The king has appointed me the task.”
“Is that because you had the bad fortune to speak English, so you are stuck with the disagreeable princess?”
“Not at all, my lady. In fact, I was late for the appointment because I had to climb over the dead bodies of all the others who wanted the job. You are the most interesting person in the palace.”
“You may be the most impertinent courtier in Europe.”
“I try, your highness. Your reputation precedes you.”
“Very well. Tell me how bad my situation is.”
“Your financial position is excellent. You have eight estates in Sweden, four in France, two in Norway, two in Denmark, and one in Austria. Add a few vineyards, a half-dozen mines, a shipping company, some assorted other properties, and you about have it.”
“Austria! How did I end up with an estate in Austria?”
“I believe your husband—”
“Sorry to interrupt, Mr Hopkins.”
“Yes, your highness?”
“Can we agree not to call himhusband.I do not like to be reminded of the disagreeable event. In fact, may we just put an embargo on all words related to matrimony.”
“What do you recommend?”
“I supposethe lunkhead,the dead man, or the none in handwould be inappropriate for a prince of Sweden. I could think of several more along that line. Maybethe prince.”
“That seems acceptable enough.”
“Very well. Pray, carry on, good sir.”
“Ah… the estate in Austria. I believethe princetraded his sister for that.”
“Say that again!”
“My pardon, that came out wrong. His sister desperately wanted to marry a nobleman in Austria, and the prince decided to squeeze him for his own amusement. He kept demanding more and more, just waiting to see what would be too much. By the time he got to the estate, he had tired of the game, but the deed was done, and the crown had one more estate.”
“Astounding!”
“Yes, madam.”
“Is it a good estate? I am considering getting banished there.”
“I doubt the king will let you out of Stockholm, or even the palace grounds for some time. It is a matter of… pride for him.”
