Page 122 of May I Have the Pleasure
“You may be surprised, but I have never—”
“NEVER?”
“Never.”
“A man in your position and younever?”
“It is to be my intended or nothing. That is just the way I am. Perhaps it is my basic goodness and character, or more likelyit is a reaction to growing up with George Wickham and watching my father dote on him, but it matters not. It is who I am. My first kiss will be one of affection, with my fiancé, and that woman shall get all I am and all I shall ever be.”
“That is… I am humbled, but I cannot discuss that now. I must be steady to my purpose, and I have adifferentstory to tell you. Pray, forgive my tears, I have not cried once since… well, let us not mention that.”
“There is nothing to forgive. Shall we continue?”
“I must tell youthe otherstory.”
“Pray, continue.”
“This story began one warm September evening, exactly seven years ago today, at an assembly in Meryton.”
“I noted the date.”
“That was the day I made possibly the biggest mistake of my life.”
“I noted no mistakes on your part that day. Tell me what error you accuse yourself of.”
“I heard a man slight me, though he said nothing my mother did not say every day. I did not pay attention to his countenance, or think that he might have things on his mind, or endeavour to ask him to act the gentleman and apologise, or ask my father to talk to him quietly. I, who claim to abhor gossip, set out to drag his name through the mud, just because of my wounded vanity.”
“You did nothing—”
“I cannot get through this if you try to correct me. Pray, allow me to finish?”
“All right.”
“Can you imagine how our lives might have changed had I given you a chance? Had I applied my considerable intelligence to learning what might make a man do such a thing? Had I looked at your countenance for something other than what I expected to find? Had I been polite but not simpering to you when I stayed at Netherfield? I missed a chance to form the closest friendship of my life that night, andI only found it again because Lady Catherine would make a stone or mule look reasonable.”
“Imagine what might have happened had I simply acted the gentleman and danced. You had no fault.”
“I did not say it was a fault. I just said it was a mistake. We all make mistakes all the time, even with the best of intentions and the best of actions, we still do.”
I will agree. You will not allow me the priv—”
“No, Fitzwilliam!I will not. I am a princess, and you will bend to my will!”
“Insufferable woman!”
“Impertinent man!”
“May I continue?”
“Of course, princess.”
“You… you… well—”
“Pray continue, my lady.”
“The second biggest mistake of my life was when you proposed to me!No-no-no! Do not say it!Yes, we both comprehend the proposal was abominable, but I didnothave to scar you for life with my reply. Do not deny it. I know the cost you paid for that day, the same as I have.”
“You are perceptive as always, but I still cannot—”
