Page 25 of May I Have the Pleasure
I would have been terribly embarrassed and thoroughly mortified, if I were not so frightened out of my wits.
I relayed the incident to our uncle, as is proper, and he was prepared to march over and discuss the matter with Mr Darcy straightaway. He was quite formidable in his rage, but I eventually convinced him that since the ‘gentleman’ did not even speak to me, and I will not be in their part of town anytime soon, there was nothing that could or should be done. It is not as if it is against the law to stare at someone with malice, nor abandon a woman with whom you have no understanding. Both are terribly ungentlemanly, of course, but I have it on the best authority that applying that standard of behaviour would fill our transport ships to the brim with gentry within a week.
I am so sorry, Jane, if your heart was still engaged by that cretin (I apologise, but I could neither think of a ladylike term to use nor one even worse that would fit). Now that we are both certain of his true colours, I believe your recovery should be rapid since all doubt has been removed. There is still a dearth of eligible gentlemen in Hertfordshire, but at least you have narrowly escaped one rake.
Speaking of our mother, has she desisted from her screeching at all the gods, old and new, about how ill-used she has been by her least favourite daughter, and how she is surely just one step closer to the hedgerows. I hope the ordeal for all of you has not been too trying, but you know as well as I do it would be ten times worse if I were there for her to scream at. I still believe my stay with our aunt and uncle will be of some duration.
All my love to our sisters and tell them I will write them if they can be troubled to write to me.
That rule will certainly prevent me from having to trouble myself with Kitty or Lydia, but as you know I have already exchanged letters with Mary, and I believe shewill be a reliable correspondent. I find a wry sense of humour and some acute observations in her writing, so perhaps we have all been misjudging our next youngest sister all these years. Pray, take the trouble to know her better. I would very much like to see the two of you with a closer bond.
Your loving sister,
Elizabeth
Governess
1 March 1812
Gracechurch Street
My Dearest Jane,
I thank you for your letter. I was beside myself with either laughter or mortification (but mostly the latter) at your descriptions of our mother’s latest escapades. I am quite relieved to learn that she now curses me only hourly. I understand she has not relented enough to invite me back to Longbourn, and I would not be inclined to accept anyway; but I am certain the reduction in noise must make your day somewhat more pleasant. I suspect she is simply saving her venom for a later date, but that thought is uncharitable so I would ask you to disregard it.
Your call from Mr Miller sounds somewhat promising, although since we have known him since our hair was down, and he has never seemed like much of a suitor before, I caution you not to encourage him overly much. Perhaps he has grown and matured, but I fear you may be settling, and I would beg you not to. If you wish to meet eligible suitors, join me in town. I know you dislike the idea, but Aunt and Uncle extend the offer quite happily, and I do believe you could stand some time away from Longbourn.
I thank you for the reports of Charlotte’s wedding. Added to Mary’s letter, I almost feel like I was there. Did you ever imagine that Charlotte would wed in Meryton without me in attendance? I am certain she was quite satisfied to have youstand up with her, and whilst I was sorry to miss Charlotte’s wedding, I do not repine the loss of Mr Collins’s nuptials in the least. The very idea keeps me up at night sometimes.
I must also state categorically that I am most happy to have escaped the debacle of Mrs Bennet’s comments on the matter, since Mary saw fit to give me a nearly verbatim rendition of some of the things she said. I must say I commended Mary on the wit of some of her comments, and I realise yours were nowhere near as bad as the actual words, but that is to be expected and applauded.
Since my last letter, I have decided on a course of action that you will not approve, but I am quite fixed on it and shall not be moved. Mrs Hewes, Aunt Gardiner’s governess, has asked for three month’s leave. Her sister is near her confinement and having a difficult time. Aunt Gardiner, of course, granted her request, and I asked to take up the office of governess for the next three months. Aunt Gardiner will pay me the stipend Mrs Hewes would receive, and it shall be the first money I ever actuallyearnedthrough my own labour.
I know this will come as a shock to you, but I do this not out of a desire to assist Aunt Gardiner, though you know I would do anything for her, but I do it for the experience, as I am not at present very sanguine about my prospects for genteel marriage.
Your outlook has always been promising, and I believe all you need do is join me in town for a few months, and the deed would be done. Your beauty, your wit, and your charm will have suitors lining up, and I have no doubt of your success. Now that you have put the perfidious Mr Bingley behind you, it can be easily done. Perhaps you should plan to visit over the summer or later in the year during the season.
I, on the other hand, also rely on my beauty, wit, and charm—and therein lies the problem. My beauty was not even sufficient to make the last new so-called gentleman to enter the neighbourhood hold his silence. The mere idea of a dance with me practically gave him the vapours, with the resultingslight we all remember so well. My wit and charm are also, as you well know, not to the taste of most gentlemen. Add my well-earned reputation as a bluestocking, and I am quite the odd duck. If you then include my current thorough disenchantment with the male sex in general, and our tiny portions that will no doubt be entirely consumed by our mother if none of us marry well; it becomes obvious I may need to prepare for employment.
Perhaps this will be unnecessary if one of us marries well, but I feel the need to be prepared; as I have not the slightest intention of living with our mother when Father passes. Of course, based on the previous several months, I probably will not wish to live with her ever again. Earning a living is good enough for ninety-eight Englishmen out of one hundred, so I can certainly endure it as well as the next woman.
With that in mind, I shall take up the office. Aunt will do her best with her admittedly busy days to teach me some of the skills I need in a professional capacity, but she will afford me no special treatment. I will be the governess, exactly as I would in another house. With four sisters and having taken care of my cousins many times, I doubt it will be all that difficult. Aunt Gardiner is the most sensible woman I know, and she cautions me that I would need to learn considerably more to be effective at the trade.
So, the next time you meet another Caroline Bingley, you will be able to boast of yet one more relation in trade. I am certain she will be proud to know you.
Your active sister,
Elizabeth
Museum
5 March 1812
Gracechurch Street
My Dearest Jane,
I am slightly distressed, but hardly surprised to learn that Mr Miller is as he always was. I imagine our desire for him to have matured with age and schooling were optimistic. I am happy he never touched your heart, though truth be told, I had a difficult time believing he ever would. Charlotte always says it makes no difference if you know someone seven hours or seven years; but when you have known someone man and boy, there are unlikely to be any pleasant surprises. Perhaps I am well prepared for spinsterhood. I have certainly mastered the fine art of cynicism.
