Page 28 of May I Have the Pleasure
What if you encountered some difficulties? Could you expect him to give your children the discipline necessary to grow up something better than our younger and sillier sisters, or worse yet, the superior sisters? He certainly made no effort to rein in his own sisters in his own house. You know as well as I do that you and I are only modestly tolerable because of the influence of our aunt and uncle. Would he abandon you if you were ill, or worse?
I will go no further. We should rejoice that you narrowly escaped a man less worthy than our cousin Collins, rather than having a real lover snatched away from you. Yes, Mr Bingley has certainly earned our disapproval.
What about the colonel himself? I am ashamed that a few days ago, I was encouraging your affections. What can a man say when he is proud of the fact that his cousin can lead a lamb to the slaughter. How much effort could it have taken, but I must say to takepridein that requires a certain kind of man that I wish to never have the displeasure to meet.
Most of my rage though is reserved for the worst of the lot, although I know not whether that is a rational assessment; or if I hate him so much just because he hates me.
I am left with the most vicious quandary. What could I or we possibly have done to offend Mr Darcy to such an extent that he not only quit the county, but dragged his friend away with him? All this time, since I happened upon him those months ago, and received such a look of derision, I have wondered if I would ever have the courage to just ask him given the opportunity. In the end, though my courage has usually risen to overcome any obstacles; I do not believe that I would. He is without a doubt the worst man I know, and to the best of my ability I shall never speak another word to him. I only wish that I could never have another thought of him as well, but at the very least I have come to a level of understanding and agreement with the man.I now hate him as much as he hates me.
I hear the carriage outside and can only hope that it is you arriving, so I must close and go down to offer what consolation and affection a sister can provide.
Your anxiously awaiting sister,
Elizabeth
Holiday
10 May 1812
Gracechurch Street
Dearest Jane,
I am happy to hear your report that Papa is now moderately satisfied with the level of sense being spoken at Longbourn. I know he would prefer even more, but I think he must be satisfied with what he gets from you and Mary.
Speaking of Mary, she continues her correspondence, and she seems to have replaced me as a constant companion in his book room, to everybody’s satisfaction. I have been resisting his desultory entreaties to return and intend to stay the course. With our mother still at odds over Mr Collins, Mary’s much more pessimistic reports of her behaviour than yours, and my majority coming up in less than a month, I believe I shall remain here as long as I am welcome.
Mrs Hewes returns on Tuesday, as her sister has been delivered of a fine, stout, healthy boy. I am to understand mother and child are doing well.
I have yet to decide whether I will tell Papa or not, but I have taken a position with one of our uncle’s business associates until the summer.
Mr Ellery has graciously offered me employment in his warehouse. I am to labour as a clerk, working on some of the ledgers, which he claims are the lifeblood of any business. If I do well, he may offer me a better position. The man is quite a radical, practically a heretic, as he pays women and men thesame amount for the same work. All my hours studying with Papa appear as if they may be of some use.
I can hear the protests when and if it becomes known in Longbourn, but I am not to be moved. Perhaps this step is unnecessary, and it will certainly diminish my matrimonial prospects, poor as they may be, but I do not believe it will affect the rest of you, and I cannot but think that I need to prepare myself for a different life than we always imagined. The life we were seemingly born to is no longer a certainty or even a high probability, considering our history with the opposite sex. Just between the three eldest Bennet sisters, we have fifteen years on the marriage market with nothing to show for it.
I beg of you to neither tell anyone else in the family save Mary, who already knows what I am about, nor censure me. I am doing what I must to secure a future for myself, and to be prepared should I need to assist any of my sisters.
With that bit of news, I have yet more to relate. As you know we were planning to visit the Lakes District. Uncle’s business has forced us to both delay and curtail the scheme, and to change the destination. I do not mind the delay, as it will give me more time to settle into my new employment and see how well it suits me. The break will be an opportune time to learn some more about business from our uncle. I am not even unhappy about having the six-week trip reduced to a month, as I am not so very much built for idleness anymore. I am certain I will be ready for much idleness after being employed for months or years, but now I can hardly wait to start each day. The distressing news though, is that we now do not have time to visit the Lakes District. Instead, we are to tour Derbyshire. As you know, Aunt Gardiner has been corresponding with friends from her original home in Lambton, and she wishes to visit them.
At first, I was worried that I was going to the home county of a certain hated gentleman, but then I decided to be just a little bit sensible. Derbyshire is immense, and I should think Ican manage to collect a few spars without being noticed, especially dressed as a clerk. The chances of encountering the man are minuscule, and I will have Uncle with me in case of need.
I fully intend to embrace our holiday and make the most of it.
Your travelling sister,
Elizabeth
Matlock
1 July 1812
Matlock, Derbyshire
Dearest Mary and Jane,
I hope you do not mind, but I will combine your letters for the rest of the holiday, since you are clearly sharing everything anyway, much to my great pleasure. It will save coin on postage.
As I have already describedOxford, Blenheim, Warwick, Kenilworth, and Birminghamin my previous letters I shall dwell on them no more. Now I have the most alarming part of the story to tell, and you shall be truly shocked. I am as well—though truth be told, I am more mortified than anything.
