Page 3 of May I Have the Pleasure
With that, he bowed, turned, and disappeared into the crowd.
I turned back to thank Mr Darcy. I imagined I might have to rethink my acquaintance with that gentleman, as he had just done me a favour for no reason other than that I asked.
Explanation
With the first set problem resolved, I released some tension I had not realised I was holding and wondered what to do next. I had entered the ballroom with no objective but to find a way to dance with someone amiable, while avoiding those who were not amiable… or sensible… or succinct… or—I could go on for some time in that vein, so I thought I should quit and be a bit sensible myself.
“I thank you, sir. You have done me a great service.”
I thought that would be the end of it and reached down to curtsey and take my leave, but he surprised me with a question.
“I would never dream of asking for a confidence I had not earned, but since we are already in a privileged and private conversation, would you be willing to satisfy my curiosity.”
I must have flinched a bit, as he quickly continued, “Pray, do not be uneasy. I certainly am not demanding a quid quo pro, or even to be in your confidence. I was just curious, but you may forget I asked.”
At that point, it became obvious to me that I was being churlish enough to pass for Miss Bingley. All I lacked was a sufficiently expensive gown and haughty expression. The realisation wasnotvery much to my liking. I suspected a man like Mr Darcy was probably hunted like sport every day of his life and had to beextremelycareful about his interactions. It was obvious that my mother was not the first matchmaking mama he had dealt with, nor would she be the last. She certainly was not the most subtle or clever, so helping me had to have been done out of the kindness of his heart, because clandestinely helping a marriageable lady was certainly not a sensible thing to do.
He was watching me intently, and it occurred to me that he was in factwatching me, as contrasted to my usual self-inflicted term ofstaring at me. The same expression could mean vastly different things depending on how oneinterpreted it… and at that moment… something… surprisingly… made me loathe to disappoint him. It mattered not whether the motivation was simple gratitude, courtesy or justice; I wanted to answer the question, so I did.
“Our acquaintance has been… somewhat… uneasy, would you not agree?”
He seemed a bit confused by this, but eventually nodded, so I continued.
“I found myself quite surprised when I asked for the favour. You have been quite the gentleman, and I thank you for that. I once again find myself surprised, but…”
I suspect I looked embarrassed or confused again, but I screwed up my courage to continue, “…I find I wish to… well… confide in you.”
I was having trouble looking at his face, but when I did peek at him, I saw something unexpected. He was smiling softly, something like I applied to my sisters. It was… almost affectionate. It was the look he gave when saying something about his sister when he thought nobody was looking (or at least, Miss Bingley was not). He had never seemed to mind that I could see the expression, or perhaps he just did not pay as much attention to whether I was watching him as he obviously did with the Netherfield Huntress.
Sufficiently buoyed by his look, I simply told him the plain unvarnished truth, for perhaps the first time in our history.
Engaging his eyes, I looked over to a gaggle of my sisters and asked, “Do you see the parson standing beside Jane?”
He looked at Mr Collins and nodded.
“He is my distant cousin, Mr Collins. Longbournis entailed, in default of heirs male, and he is the heir presumptive. He has apparently decided toheal the breach, which I believe to mean he wishes to wed one of the Bennet sisters. Unless I am mistaken, it seems likelyIwas selected from among my sisters as worthy of being mistress of Hunsford Parsonage, and of assisting to form a quadrille table at Rosings, in the absence of more eligiblevisitors.He is your aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh’s, rector it seems.”
I wondered what in the world had caused me to tell Mr Darcy of all people such an intimate secret, especially when Mr Collins had not actually done anything but talk to me more excessively than he talked to everyone else and ask me for the first set. I was not even sure I would be willing to confide in Charlotte, but here I was telling a near stranger, for whom our acquaintance had not exactly been comfortable. I looked to see his reaction, and once again saw a look difficult to interpret, but if I had to guess, I would have to say it was one of abject horror.
I was just wondering what he could possibly say. He mumbled something that sounded vaguely likedead body,but then shook his head a bit and nodded.In for a penny. “He has not said anything formal, but he has been following me like a noisy puppy for days and spent a good ten minutes asking for the first set. Subtlety isnotamong his talents.”
For some unknown reason, even though I had just betrayed my most private and personal information to Mr Darcy, and by all rights I should have been more embarrassed than I was certain to be later after Lydia found the punch table—I was not. I actually felt… confused, so I continued.
“I am certain that was far more than you wanted to know, so I hope I do not make you uncomfortable.”
I glanced at him, and he did look uncomfortable, but not censorious… actually… not censorious in the least.
Apparently sensing my disquiet, he once again surprised me. “Perhaps I am just a bit uncomfortable, but that feeling is far surpassed by a feeling of… well, to be honest, a feeling of privilege.”
This sentiment made me quite snap my head up from the floor I had been staring at in wonder to find him smiling at me, and I thought the expression was something that should be considered a deadly weapon.
It thoroughly disarmed me, so I screwed up my courage, and continued, “He asked for the first set, and the only excuse I could produce was that I had a prior engagement. I suspect my reprieve will only be temporary, but I will not allow him the first set. I would have been willing to forgo all dancing to avoid that, hence my need for a retroactive request.”
Mr Darcy just nodded in understanding, but then said the most surprising thing.
“I can well sympathise with your position. The rules of propriety are mostly… er… useful to some extent in protecting us, but a good many of them are just plain ridiculous. The fact that you must forgo the pleasure of dancing just because you do not wish to dance with a specific partner and cannot dream up an excuse fast enough is horrible. Your secret is safe with me, and…”
He seemed to be uncertain whether to continue, so I just quirked an eyebrow in what I hoped showed encouragement. It occurred to me that I had no idea how he was going to solve my dilemma of the first set, but I was surprised to discover I was not worried. He said the problem was solved—ergo it was solved. As I was lost with this thought, he continued.
