Page 34 of May I Have the Pleasure
When it approached time to leave, Colonel Fitzwilliam showed that a decorated soldier can be more forward and direct than an idle man like Mr Bingley, because he asked about Jane specifically.
The past hour had left me feeling more and more insecure in my assessment of our host and his designs; particularly since I have found my opinions to be wrong in so many instances. I also was beginning to think I could never really trust that I could learn anything whatsoever from a gentleman’s manners, since both the colonel and Mr Bingley were everything amiable and polite, but both hosted character defects that we have discussed. Naturally, Mr Darcy’s manners seem to change with the wind—but the man who passed as the rudest man I ever met in Hertfordshire became the politest in Derbyshire.
When it was nearly time to go, Colonel Fitzwilliam found a quiet place where we could not be overheard and asked after you directly Jane, and he even exerted himself to apologise for not being able to take leave properly.
Jane, at this point I think I learned something. As you well know I have something of a fiery temper. Angry people are not always wise, and henceforth you may hold me up as an example of that principle. I found I had endured just about all the man’s company I could stand, and he also reminded me of what had happened in November.
Since he was being direct, I decided I could do the same. I asked him if he remembered his very last conversation in Kent. He looked somewhat perplexed but managed to assert that he did.
I quite boldly asked him if he could tell mewhyhis cousin, Mr Darcy, had performed such an admirable service for Mr Bingley. He seemed confused by the question, but took it in stride, and told me—and I must quote—There were some very strong objections against the lady,which I must assume echoes what he told Jane in Hunsford.
At that very moment, any cordial feelings towards any gentleman in Hertfordshire evaporated like smoke.
Almost instantly, the full and complete truth fell on me like an axe!
All my previously discarded ideas about Mr Darcy came back full force, and I felt nearly ill at how badly I had been taken in by his newly minted amiability.
It all became crystal clear! Mr Darcy is just another rake like his friend and his cousin, and they were simply toying with me for their own amusement. How could Mr Darcy claim my elder sister, who is superior to me in every way, was so unsuitable as to make an entire party quit the county without taking leave; and then try to ingratiate himself with me a few months later? I could think of only one explanation to fit that set of facts, and it did not paint anyone in that county in a favourable or even honourable light. Imost certainlywill not commit the thought to paper, nor even speak it aloud.
At that moment, I felt physically ill. I gave Aunt Gardiner the signal to say I wished to leave as soon as possible, so Uncle asked for the carriage to be brought around.
The superior sisters made some faux protests at our departure, and Mr Darcy asked if we might stay for supper, but Aunt and Uncle understood that I was truly distressed, so we completed our departure as quickly as it could be done with any semblance of politeness.
Mr Darcy seemed perplexed by the suddenness of our desire to depart immediately, but I was not concerned with his feelings, as his conquest can wait for his next unsuspecting victim.
Before I left, I thought I should ensure that the so-calledgentlemenunderstood that I was on to their game and done with the lot of them.
I managed one more time to speak quietly with the colonel, and tasked him to,“Tell your cousin that I am fully apprised of his good deed, in every particular, and I concur that he did the exactly correct thing for all involved.”
The colonel seemed thoroughly befuddled by that, and even more perplexed when I further charged him to ask his cousin for the‘precise identity of the most unsuitable lady,’then I left him to explain to his cousin how their amusement was over and done for.
I have no idea how long they thought they could lead me on. As I had shown myself to be entirely lacking in discernment, perhaps they thought they could continue the game indefinitely, or more likely until their goal was achieved, whatever it was.
Forgive me for breaking a confidence, but my judgement was and continues to be in serious doubt, so I begged Aunt and Uncle to advise me. I told them the entire story from that ill-fated assembly in Meryton to the colonel’s final declaration and asked them if I was in error. We discussed it for several hours, and they finally agreed my explanation was not the only possible one, or perhaps the most probable; but we were unlikely to get any better, and it might be for the best if we simply returned to our own sphere. Any man who would slight a lady on his first acquaintance without even the courtesy of an introduction could just as easily be a rake as anything else; Mr Bingley’s actions needed no explanation; and the colonel’s boasting could not possibly be seen in a prudential light. Mr Darcy’s pride on saving Mr Bingley fromtheinconvenience of an imprudent marriageis not a sentiment designed to endear a man with that imprudent lady’s sister!
In the end, since there is no benefit to us spending time with members of the first circles, and there was obviously no true respect or affection in either direction; there was really no need to continue the acquaintance. It is not as if we will bump into them in Cheapside, so we decided that our business with the Darcys and Fitzwilliams was complete. There is really nothing we can do to protect their next victim, except ensure that she is not a Bennet or Gardiner.
We are to leave in four days’ time. I now think I fully comprehend completely how you felt last winter Jane, and I am heartily sorry I could not quite understand you at the time. I do not feel like I was a very good sister. I fell for a rake’s sweet words like a fish to a tasty worm, and he nearly reeled me all the way into his creel, even though I had your two experiences to teach me caution. I shudder to think what would have happened had I not happened on the colonel today. I have no idea what Mr Darcy was about, but considering howunsuitablethe Bennet sisters are, I can imagine no honourable intention.
I believe that with my message via the colonel, the men will all know their game is over and the Bennet sisters are forewarned, forearmed, and no longer to be trifled with. Just in case one of them should wish to continue their conquest, our uncle has decreed that I remain close to him until our departure. Since three of those days are devoted to business, that can be easily arranged.
He also wrote a very cleverly worded note thanking the hosts graciously for the day, while making it clear that we were otherwise engaged for the remainder of our stay. It was polite and firm, just the sort of thing that marks our uncle as a true gentleman. We also agreed to breakfast early and leave on our business before calling hours, just in case one of them wishes to make a last effort at furthering the acquaintance; and I most certainly will not walk out or do anything else forthat matter without my uncle or a footman for protection (if at all).
And so, dear sisters, at long last, I fully comprehend my own foolishness, and I am heartily ashamed of my lack of discernment. However, I am grudgingly satisfied that all the Bennet sisters are well and truly finished with this entire wolf pack, and we can now get on with our own lives free of their influence.
I must close now as the post is to leave soon, and I have some serious reflections about my own lack of discernment and judgement to ponder at some length.
Faithfully,
Elizabeth
Severance
3 August 1812
Lambton, Derbyshire
Dearest Sisters,
