Page 52 of May I Have the Pleasure
“What does it matter? Whether he found her not good enough, or our fortunes too precarious, or our family too coarse, or his sisters and best friend aggressively discouraged him—it matters not. Hecourtedmy sister for weeks, with abundant exposure to her family and full knowledge of our condition in life, then left without a word. Worse yet, he left saying he would return in days, so he abandoned Jane with lies on his lips. I could forgive a rational decision and graceful bowing out. Slinking off like a thief in the night… less so.”
Feeling queasy, Darcy asked, “What if he left because he was clearly under attack by a mercenary mother, and he was courting a woman who showed not the slightest bit of real interest? I observed her carefully andI shall not scruple to assert, that the serenity of your sister’s countenance and air was such as might have given the most acute observer a conviction that, however amiable her temper, her heart was not likely to be easily touched.”
Elizabeth stared at him hard for a moment or two, then shook herself before answering. “None of this has anything to do with Lady Catherine, so I will not waste the rest of the afternoon arguing about my sister and your inconstant friend. I will only say this—she showed her affection tohim!She behaved withpropriety, which means her feelings were not to be bandied about to the general population until he declared himself. They spent hours in semi-private conversation that neither you nor I are privy to. Would you be happier if she spent her time fawning over him like Miss Bingley does to you? It would be the grossest impropriety if you knew as much about her feelings as he did. The fact that Mr Bingley listened toyou, of all people, is just another example of how much of an idiot he is… thus strengthening my thesis.”
Darcy stared back and started to speak once or twice, but Elizabeth just held up her hand to stop him.
“Once again, we are wasting time and vexation on irrelevant topics. You wanted to know why I assert most men are idiots, and any man who would court a Bennet sister is aparticular idiot.Mr Bingley was a convenient example, but I could easily find you five more. Jane will heal and eventually find a worthier man, not that the standard is all that high. I would prefer to return to the topic at hand if you please. Contrary to popular opinion, I do not like to argue just for argument’s sake.”
Darcy stared at her in consternation and started imagining finding some beaten down shadow of her at Rosings. The vision made his chest feel like it was being trampled. It was one thing to imagine her eventually married to some vague, unknown, but mostly acceptable (and more importantly, out of sight) gentleman. In his heart of hearts, he was not certain he could have accepted even that, but Mr Collins… Mr Collins? That thought was just too much to bear.
He growled silently in frustration at the vagaries of life and fortune.
Suggesting
“How about me?”Darcy blurted out, shocking even himself.“I may or may not be aparticular idiot,but could I perhaps qualify as the best of a bad lot?”
Elizabeth startled so much she jumped out of the chair to stare at him from a few feet away, then turned toward the door and even took a few steps before halting and slowly turning around to face him.
She stared at him long and hard enough to make him squirm. “Pray, repeat that… in the King’s English!”
He stood up and halved the distance between them, so they were separated by a pace or two.
“Would you accept me… or at least consider it? You said earlier we dislike each other, but I can assure you any dislike is one-sided.I like you a great deal.I may even be in love with you; but I have been too much of a lunkhead to act on my feelings, or even fully acknowledge them to myself until the moment of panic when I thought it might be too late.”
She stared at him, and after trying to speak several times, asked in a squeaky voice, “Are you in earnest? You are not toying with me?”
“I would never do that, to you or any woman. In fact, that question uncovers part of our basic problem.”
She stared a few more minutes in confusion, and finally said, “Explain yourself.”
He thought about trying to get them back to the chairs but abandoned the effort when he found she was slowly and probably unconsciously inching towards the door.
“It will be my privilege. I imagine my behaviour at the assembly gave you a dislike of me. Those kind of marriage marts where all I hear are whispers of‘10,000 a year and probably more’, or‘nobleconnections’ practically give me hives. I feel the walls closing in on me and see enemies at the gate. I get so nervous I occasionally do or saysomething incredibly stupid. I believe I even slighted you, but I always hoped you did not hear it.”
She stared at him, frowned ferociously, and lowered her voice to a rumble. “Tolerable, I suppose but not handsome enough to tempt me,”then resumed her normal voice. “Sound familiar?”
He stared at his feet in shame. “You must have hated me! Probably still do, I imagine.”
“The comment did you no favours. You cannot imagine how incredibly hurtful it is to hear the most handsome man I ever saw repeat the things my mother says every day. I tried to laugh it off, but it stung a bit.”
She sighed again and spoke softly. “More than a bit, I suppose. That first month, I never said anything to you without trying to draw blood. My dislike even made me implicitly believe Mr Wickham, though his story is full of holes. That is why I asked about him at the ball. He started spreading his poison about you to all and sundry after you left, even though he told me he would not, so I became more sceptical. When he attached himself to Mary King days after she came into money, I concluded he is just as much of an idiot as your Mr Bingley. At this point, I really know nothing.”
Darcy sighed. “He hasonelone skill. He is the best and most prolific liar I ever met, and I say that after being intimates with several members of Parliament.”
Elizabeth laughed slightly, which relieved some of the tension.
She finally looked at the floor for quite some time. “You were not staring to find fault?”
“No man does that. If they did, I would expect you to spend your time examining Mr Collins minutely,” he said with a chuckle that did not really catch on. “I was not aware I was noticeably staring, but I can assure you that I was not looking for faults. Even if I had been, I never found any.”
She thought about that for quite some time, and finally asked, “Were you just humouring Sir William when he tried to foist me off on you at Lucas Lodge?”
“Yes and no,” he said, realizing scrupulous honesty was needed. “At the time, I was only beginning to become interested. Sir William took me by surprise, but I would have happily danced with you. Your refusal did you no harm, though. I hope this does not sound too conceited, but I do not believe I have ever been refused; and you did so twice. I even unwisely said something about‘fine eyes on the face of a pretty woman’to Miss Bingley, which is probably why she was so abominably hostile when you visited Netherfield to take care of your sister.”
Elizabeth gave a weak grin. “I did not believe you truly wanted to dance either time.”
Darcy shook his head in confusion. “I suppose I thought… well… I do not actually know what I thought. I suppose part of me thought you were flirting, and part of me was just confused.”
