Page 60 of May I Have the Pleasure
Lady Catherine, Mr Darcy, Colonel Fitzwilliam; My apologies for interrupting your morning. I realise appearing without an invitation is unmannerly, Lady Catherine, but you have occasionally offered to advise me, and I hope you might be willing to do so now. I have a problem that involves a rather sticky matter ofpropriety.
(Catherine nods somewhat condescendingly in Elizabeth’s direction)
CATHERINE
Of course, of course! There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true understanding of what is right and proper. My character has ever been celebrated for its sincerity and frankness, and in a cause of such moment as this, I shall certainly not depart from it. My nephews were just taking their leave to return to town, so I will attend to you as soon as they finish.
(Elizabeth nods politely, but continues)
ELIZABETH
My pardon, Lady Catherine… gentlemen… If you have no objections, I hope your nephews may spare the time to join the discussion. They may be able to add a useful male perspective. The problem is a bit of a Gordian Knot.
(Catherine looks to both nephews)
CATHERINE
Darcy… Fitzwilliam… Have you any objections to assisting with Miss Bennet’s problem.
(Fitzwilliam smiles engagingly towards Elizabeth)
(Darcy stares at Elizabeth unblinkingly)
FITZWILLIAM
No Aunt, Darcy and I are quite happy to be of service, is that not right Darcy… Darcy… DARCY? Well, I am happy to be of service anyway, Darcy seems a bit on the stupid side today, but I am certain he will be happy to attend… eventually.
CATHERINE
Very well, Miss Bennet. How may we help?
(Elizabeth takes one step closer and nods to the gentlemen)
ELIZABETH
Thank you, Lady Catherine. As I alluded earlier, it is rather complicated. It is a matter between a certain lady and a gentleman. Perhaps I should tell the entire story?
CATHERINE
A sensible idea. Have you any objections, nephews?
FITZWILLIAM
None whatsoever, aunt. In fact, I am itching to hear it! Darcy is too. Do not let him fool you with the sour face.
(Elizabeth folds her hands in front)
ELIZABETH
The story begins at an assembly. The gentleman in question publicly slighted a young lady he had not even been introduced to, when his friend encouraged him to dance with her. He claimed she was tolerable but not handsome enough to tempt him within her hearing. He also made the rather specious claim that she was ‘slighted by other’ men just because she sat out to give other ladies a chance, and even presumed that his dancing would ‘lend consequence’ to her, as if some unknown gentleman had more consequence than she had in her own neighbourhood.
(Fitzwilliam stands up straighter looking affronted and gestures broadly with his arms)
(Darcy looks chagrined and stares at the floor)
FITZWILLIAM
EGADS!! He did this publicly? That is a serious propriety violation right there. This whole story is starting very badly, would you not agree Darcy? Aunt? The lady’s father orbrother should have strong words or fisticuffs with the rogue! I certainly would if she were my sister.
