Page 70 of May I Have the Pleasure
(Elizabeth shuffles her feet, looking down at them, pauses a few moments, and then finally looks over at Darcy sheepishly)
ELIZABETH
I am afraid the lady turned him down in the rudest, meanest, and vilest terms possible—at length and in detail, and with considerably more vehemence than might strictly have been required.
CATHERINE
Come, come, Miss Bennet. How bad could it possibly have been? What did she say?
(Elizabeth resumes staring at the floor)
ELIZABETH
She said everything she had meant to say for months, along with every other unpleasant thing she could think of, and I can assure you, both her imagination and vocabulary are extensive.
She accused him justly of interfering with her sister’s happiness, unjustly as it turned out in another matter for which she was spectacularly uninformed, accurately but perhaps unjustly about his manners, and all the heat of an angry moment.
(Elizabeth shuffles her feet nervously)
I believe the words ‘last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry’ were applied to the hapless gentleman.
(Fitzwilliam laughs uproariously)
FITZWILLIAM
OH, HO, HO! HO!! The LAST man. That is quite a distinction. The last man… the very last man! I am afraid, that is not a position that most men would wish to occupy. Why that would put him behind both my own humble self, my cousin there, and even Mr Collins.
ELIZABETH
Yes sir. It was shockingly rude and improper.
(Catherine nods understandingly)
CATHERINE
It seems that the gentleman is not the only one that carries a burden of improper behaviour.
A polite demurral should have been entirely sufficient, and if not, I would have to question whether she can be both polite and clear.
(Darcy looks stunned and sheepish)
DARCY
I shall not claim the man did not deserve all that and more. To insult a lady in a proposal is quite beyond the pale.
The last man though... well... I agree with my cousin that nobody is likely to aspire to being considered the last man in the world. Most would wish to at least be above the last dozen.
(Elizabeth looks at Darcy)
ELIZABETH
Perhaps in her anger, she may have overstated the case. Her temper is somewhat fiery. In point of fact, the proposal was only the second-to-worst proposal she had received that half-year, and the proponent of the first would in fact fall after the gentleman in question—so more correctly, he could be considered at the very least, the second-to-last man in the world.
(Elizabeth looks at Darcy, and gives him a slight smile, which goes completely unnoticed by anyone else, but certainly not by that gentleman.)
DARCY
It seems he is moving up in the world. Perhaps one day he can aspire to becoming third to last.
