Page 8 of May I Have the Pleasure
Nodding in acceptance of the promise, I continued, “Those criteria limit you to the eldest Bennet sisters, Charlotte Lucas, Louisa Goulding, and Annabelle Thompson. The others are… er… let us just say not as Mr Darcy suggested.”
Mr Collins nodded a bit, and Mr Darcy continued.
“Now, this next part is awkward… well…” and he looked a bit flustered.
Mr Collins said, “Pray, continue, sir!”
“My aunt prefers the ladies of her intimate circle to be… er… somewhat… er… quiet and demure. She does not abide impertinence well, no matter how elegant and ladylike. She most definitely would disapprove of a parson’s wife with an education better than her own or her daughter’s. I fear that would eliminate you, Miss Elizabeth… no offence.”
No Offense!No Offense!NO OFFENSE!It took a few minutes to calm down enough to laugh at myself. At that moment, I thought the insufferable man had managed to convert the rap he was due from my fan into a kiss.
I saw the quirk of one corner of his mouth and had a sudden epiphany. This entire half-hour had been designed by himjust to deliver that line. I had asked him to protect me for an hour, and he, apparently feeling competitive, decided to protect me from Mr Collins for my whole life. I wanted to jump up and dance around, and could hardly wait for him to work through his obscure protocol to ask me for permission to request the supper dance, because make no mistake… I intended to dance and sup with him.
Secure with the radiant smile I must have on my face, he delivered the coup-de-grace.
“So, Mr Collins, it seems you owe Miss Elizabeth some thanks for making your task much easier. If you require abride, you should consider Miss Mary Bennet, Miss Charlotte Lucas, Miss Louisa Goulding, or Miss Annabelle Thompson. Is that about it, Miss Elizabeth?”
“Yes. So long as Mr Collins prefers to find a wife in Hertfordshire, I could happily recommend any of those ladies.”
I omitted the subtext,anybody but me.
Advice
I was practically glowing. I had a good dance in front of me, an amiable supper partner, and two of my greatest fears alleviated. I would not have to avoid or decline a proposal from Mr Collins, and Mr Darcy seemed to approve of Jane and Mr Bingley.
Mr Darcy was not quite finished, though.
“Mr Collins, I am confident you have a good start on your search. May I offer you a service, and a bit of advice?”
Mr Collins looked like he was unsure if he was ecstatic or disappointed in the task ahead, but he definitely would not dissuade Mr Darcy from advising him, so he nodded, vigorously.
“Remember this. When you marry, you will spendevery day with your wife for the rest of your life. There is nothing worse than a miserable marriage. Make sure you find a woman that matches your character, a woman that makes sense, a woman that you can respect and honour. May I ask, have you performed many weddings?”
Mr Collins looked perplexed but then indicated that he had.
“Excellent! You should be able to recite the vows from memory?”
“Yes.”
I was astounded. A one-word answer.
Mr Darcy looked at him intently and continued earnestly, “When you take the vows yourself,say them and mean them… every single word!Take your time. You have the rest of your life. Make sure you marry a woman for whom you can say all the words and follow them all your life.”
Somehow, something about Mr Darcy calmed Mr Collins. Perhaps he was right now being the father figure my cousin never had, but I could see that he was having a profound effect. I imagined the gentleman would be a very good fatherwhen his time came, if this served as an example of how it was done.
Not quite finished, he continued, “Now, something even more important. This is doubly important… triply important. Do I have your full and undivided attention, sir?”
Mr Collins stared at him in raptures but simply nodded.
“Your bride has to say her own vows as well. Make certain before you offer your hand thatshe can say her vows and mean every word!Do not drag a lady to the altar against her inclination. It is up to you to show the lady the kind of man you are, and make sure you are the type of man that a lady can respect. Take your time and get it right. I shall write to my aunt and insist she give you enough time to do the job properly, and since you may well be courting non-Bennets, I will put you up at the inn to maintain decorum.”
I could see that Mr Collins had a lot to think about and could only hope he was up to it.
Very kindly, Mr Darcy continued, “Let us get to practical matters. This ball is your best chance to get to know these ladies. I suggest you release Miss Elizabeth and her sisters other than Miss Mary from any dances you may have solicited and spend the time meeting the ladies we listed. I am sure none of your Bennet cousins will be offended.”
At that, I wanted to kiss him again, but wisely refrained while Mr Collins once again went into a long-winded soliloquy that would eventually save me the mortification of dancing the second with him, for which I was eternally grateful.
Brevity
