Page 115 of May I Have the Pleasure
“Do you think a person can have a second or third great love of their life?”
“Do not look so sheepish, Elizabeth. You look like you are about to collapse.”
“I assure you I am not, and you are prevaricating.”
“Well… I do believe so. In fact, I quite depend on it. I could not—”
“Could not… what?”
“It is an article of faith. Before you tossed Richard and me in a sack long enough for my first great love of my life to come to my attention, I did not even believe in a single great love. Once you have felt it, there is no choice but to believe in the possibility of a second. It is like a black swan. It is easy to believe all swans are white, and to go through your entire life believing so, as you never encounter one that is not white. But once you have seen a single black swan, there is no choice but to believe there could be another.”
“I do not quite understand.”
“Do you see that babe over there? The one I would happily give my life for?”
“Yes.”
“It is our lot in life as women. We cannot have the children that fill our days and our hearts without risking our lives in the process. Every time we go to our husband’s bed, we take the chance that it will kill us, but we also take the chance that it will fill us with joy for all the years left to us. You cannot think upon it all the time, and most do not seem to think on it at all—but for someone like you or me, someone introspective, we must give it some consideration. I must… I must—”
“Go on.”
“Richard is not yet thirty. He should live thirty or forty more years. Imagine, if you will, a life where there was nolove—no chance for love in all that time, as if the only black swan in the world had been killed. I could not bear it. It would kill me to condemn him to that fate. Imustbelieve he could have another great love, or I do not know how I could bear the chance of leaving him.”
“Do you feel the same for yourself, should Richard meet an untimely end?”
“Certainly!We only limit our loves through our own fears and insecurities. I think anybody can have a great love, or as many as providence allows. Having a second love does not preclude or disparage the first, any more than my love for little Lizzy degrades the love I have for my husband. We are stronger than we think we are.”
“That makes sense. In fact, I think if you stick two people of admirable character together, and they are kind, cooperative and compassionate with each other, and they build a life together, some kind of love is inevitable. That is what I counted on when I stuck you and Richard together—though in your case the process was much more efficacious than I could have hoped for.”
“Yes, it was. Either you are a genius, or just lucky.”
“I presume the latter.”
“How does it pertain to Prince Gustav? You say you are considering marriage to him—seriously considering it. Do you think you could feel enough love for him to fulfil your life?”
“Yes, I could quite easily. As I said, he is among the absolute best of men… except—”
“Except what?”
“Except he is already very deeply in love—with a woman the king thinks too far beneath him.”
“OH!”
“Oh!”
“Do you know the woman?”
“Yes. Her name is Sofia. She is, in character, intelligence, wit, and loveliness exactly as the prince needs, and she is as in love with him as he is with her.”
“OH!”
“To make matters even more confusing, I love her as ardently as I ever loved any of my sisters. Marrying him would be like killing my best friend if not—”
“If not—”
“She is the most frightfully intelligent woman I ever met, and she has the absolute best character; but I donotknow if she would survive such a union if she had to stay here and watch. She cannot marry the man she loves, but she very well might not leave the area either. She wouldhave tosomehow bury her first love and find another, while her first love weds another—very publicly. The same is true for the prince, and… and… and…for me.”
“May I assume I know your true love?”
