Page 41 of May I Have the Pleasure
All of this leads me to a most unsatisfactory conclusion, but the only one I can come up with that matches all the known facts. Mr Darcy almost certainly dissuaded Mr Bingley, because Mr Bingley was thinking with his heart, and Mr Darcy was thinking with his head. I fully believe the Derbyshire gentleman convinced Mr Bingley that he was the victim of a fortune-hunting family, as all evidence suggested, and Mr Bingley simply did not have enough faith in his own judgement.
I must therefore conclude, dear Jane, that your loss of Mr Bingley, who very possibly could have been a good match, was mostly because of the ill-bred manners of the Bennet family—and I count myself among the culprits. I must offer my most abject apologies, because perhaps Mr Darcy could have overlooked the rest of the family if I had not beenso abominably rude to him, and if we had not driven him away, Mr Bingley would have had time to get to know your heart.
In the end, I am most chastened to know that even though Mrs Bennet was probably the principal architect of his abandonment, I most assuredly was second. I am heartily ashamed of myself. I believe until today, I never truly knew myself.
So, when Mr Bingley returns, he will either call on you or he will not. If he does not, then there is no more to be thought about, and things will be just as they ever were. If, however, he does call, then you alone must decide whether to give him another chance.
Before you decide for or against him, which may or may not be required, I would ask you to take a few other things into consideration.
Lydia nearly destroyed the Bennet family, and Mr Darcy saved us—at considerable effort and expense. Mary has recently become engaged to a man who is perfect for her, who just happens to have as patron, the self-same Mr Darcy. How in the world could a rector from Kympton justhappento meet a lady in Hertfordshire, three days away absent some guidance? Mr Bingley very well may come back to make reparations for last year, and I can see no possible way it could have come about unless Mr Darcy told him the truth, which Uncle Gardiner gave him in Lambton in its unvarnished form.
Everything centres around Mr Darcy.
This has led me to reexamine all I knew before, and I have a more intellectually satisfying conclusion that fits all known facts. Mr Darcy is a true and honourable gentleman, who may have acted with bad manners and disdain at one time, but he has recently acted the very best of men. He may once have esteemed me, but my family and I drove him from Hertfordshire! Of that, I am certain. Nothing that has happened since I was in Lambton last year can be faulted, and where there was previous fault, he seems to be making reparations well beyond what any sane man would do. I musttherefore conclude that he is either the most honourable man we have ever met, or he esteems me, or both.
Jane, I must admit, though it frightens me to do so, that I believe he just might like me. It is entirely too much to hope, with all that has occurred between us and the stain that is still on our family, for him to act. Even he has his limits, so attaching himself to a family so closely attached to Wickham, or a woman who has abused him abominably at every opportunity for over a year, is just too much.
So, I must conclude that he may well have esteemed me once. I must furthermore admit that I feel much more than is wise or prudent for him, but I cannot expect anything except that he may allow me to give him the thanks that is owed. Beyond that, I dare not hope, but I must own that I do hope all the same. The man has always had a profound effect on me, and I very well believe it would take less than a feather’s touch to push me into love with him; presuming I am not already there.
I go back to Derbyshire with Mary in a few weeks for her wedding. There is a chance Mr Darcy will attend church while I am there, and I will give the man my thanks if it kills me. I will be in Derbyshire for more than a fortnight, and I will have my say, even if I must bend the rules a touch and call on Miss Darcy at Pemberley.
So, I hope that helps with any decision you may need to make with respect to Mr Bingley. I know forgiveness is in your nature and you will be inclined to give it. I am not the least bit opposed to the scheme, but I hope that you take steps to ensure there is no more confusion and misunderstandings. And no matter what else you do, try not to expose the poor man to Mrs Bennet. If he calls on you, go to town and let him court you from Gracechurch Street.
Your modestly more enlightened sister,
Lizzy
Kympton
26 November 1812
Kympton, Derbyshire
Dearest Jane,
Mary and I arrived safely, and her beau is wonderful. It is quite fortunate that she already has his affections secured, as he would be in some danger of falling into my sights if she had not.
Her wedding is scheduled for Wednesday next, and I can hardly wait. Mrs Ellery and I were quite dismayed to find that everything anybody could wish in a wedding has already been done by the ladies of the parish, but we will endeavour to get over it with moderately good grace.
I have been cursed by an unaccustomed bout of timidity and a general disinclination to cause the slightest disruption in Mary’s wedding, so I have not taken the opportunity to learn anything of the Darcys except for what is generally known around the village. I know brother and sister are both at home now, but not very much more. Mr Darcy has apparently been in and out several times in the last months, according to the local rumours, which is no surprise given what we know of his activities. I did not have the courage to ask Mary’s beau about them.
Now, for the most surprising news. By coincidence, there is an assembly here in Kymptonin two days’ time, and I mean to attend. It is curious that today is exactly one year to the day after the ball at Netherfield, and I have decided to mark theoccasion by purchasing a ticket to the assembly. It is a public assembly, much like the one where we first encountered the gentlemen so many months ago, and I am hoping to dance a little bit. I have not danced a single time since Netherfield, so I hope I remember how.
I know full well I am unlikely to encounter either of the Darcys at the assembly, given Miss Darcy’s shyness and the fact that she is not out; and his general disinclination toward dancing; but I am hoping that I will happen upon one of them before I leave Kympton. Of course, then I remember how Mr Darcy left Lydia’s wedding as if it were a locust infestation (not that far from the truth), I become nervous and believe they will avoid me as any sensible man would.
For the moment, all I can say is I will attend an assembly, and I will dance if asked. Beyond that, nobody can know, and I dare not hope.
Iamhere with Mr Ellery on business, after all, so we have a long series of engagements for the next two days until the assembly, and I will just barely be back in time to dress, which is probably for the best.
In honour of the occasion, I have brought along my old dress from the Netherfield ball and am hoping the dance will end better than the previous one.
Of course, I thought I would have to bully Mary into attending, but when it came down to it, she is more enamoured with the idea of the dance than I am. Perhaps it has something to do with a certain handsome and kind clergyman who will also be attending.
Your dancing sister,
Lizzy
Assembly
