Page 4 of May I Have the Pleasure
“…if it makes you any more comfortable, I believe the man that is set to stand for your first set can actually make a reasonable claim to you owing him a dance. He was not planning to dance the first, and certainly will not have anyexpectations that cannot be fulfilled.”
Well, that was exceedingly mysterious! I could think of any number of men who could claim I owed them a dance, if they stretched the truth far enough, but I had no idea Mr Darcy would know any of them—but then again, I had no idea what gentlemen discussed amongst themselves. I judged that in less than an hour the problem would be solved, and since I had decided to trust Mr Darcy, even without the details, I would just continue to doso.
In fact, since I had his confidence, I thought I might be able to do something for Jane while I was at it, since it was hardly likely I could embarrass myself any more than I already had.
“Would you be willing to hear one more thing in confidence?”
He smiled again, which was becoming alarmingly common. It was alarming mostly because every time he aimed that thing at me, I appreciated it just a bit more.
He nodded, so I continued. “Well, sir…”
At that point, I lost my courage, and he did the strangest thing. We had been standing facing each other in a relatively hidden corner for some time, but as we had exchanged confidences… or more like I had given him my confidences, while he gradually changed his countenance… we had been gradually moving closer to each other. Only a foot or two now separated us, probably slightly less than propriety strictly called for. It was still far more than the few inches Caroline Bingley regularly imposed on the poor man—but much closer than I had ever stood with such a handsome gentleman.
At any rate, as my courage faltered, he reached over and squeezed my hand. There was nothing improper about it. We were both wearing gloves, and he could well have pulled my hand up and kissed it without raising eyebrows, but it was, somehow a bit intimate… or at least, it was enough to give me some courage.
“…well, my sister Jane and I swore to only marry for the deepest love… or at the very least, the deepest respect. We may end our days as companions or governesses, but we would do that rather than suffer an… imprudent marriage. Witnessing one marriage with fortune but without respect has quite put us off the idea.”
He looked astounded at that declaration, so I thought I should just finish.
“I know it is unfashionable to give less weight to fortune and position. Make no mistake, we have no desire to starve in the hedgerows, but we will not marry just for material gain orcomfort, or to provide for others. I know it is selfish, but that is the way it is.”
I was now even more embarrassed than at the beginning of the conversation, and he said the oddest thing.
“I admire that. I admire it very much.”
I of course knew, like everyone knew, that a man like Mr Darcy must wed with fortune and connexions in mind. Too many depended on him maintaining his family’s status and position, so he was almost as constrained as I was. But to hear that he admired my ridiculous and probably half suicidal attitude was heartening.
He had, while I was at Netherfield, shown himself to be a man of sense and education, so I was sure he understood me. I hoped that he would show Jane some clemency if the time came for Mr Bingley to make his declarations, and he might even keep the Bingley sisters in line.
I had taken a chance confiding in him, but quite surprisingly found that I did not repent my confidence. I had some faith in the man that he would do the honourable thing, as he had been doing all night.
Arrangements
Having brought Mr Darcy into my full confidence, I was a bit uncertain about what to do next. We had been talking long enough to cause gossip if we were noticed, but curiously enough, Mr Darcy’s reputation in the neighbourhood was protecting us, in an odd way. After that slight at the first assembly, most of the gossiping ladies (and gentlemen, who were on average even worse) mostly ignored him. He was a conundrum, and they preferred gossip that required more endless repetition and less deep thought. We had been perfectly visible but not noticeable. I would have laid odds that Charlotte Lucas know where I was and with whom, but nobody else really paid any attention. If Miss Bingley happened to see me, she would have pitched a fit, but fortunately, she was busy as hostess.
I was wondering about my own attitude. I should have been off talking to my friends, securing some dances beyond the first set, or just enjoying being at a ball—but I was curiously reluctant to end my tête-à-tête with Mr Darcy.
Logic said he must be anxious to leave, either to do something more interesting, or at the very least to protect himself from gossip, but he did not seem to be in a great hurry.
Something suddenly occurred to me. He must be a man who had to be inordinately careful about all his social interactions. Were he to act like Mr Bingley, he would have been leg shackled years ago. When in London, a conversation as long and intimate as we had would be reported in the tittle tattle sections of the paper, and rumours would have some imaginary connexion between us within the week. He must feel like a hunted animal.
I was just thinking to release him from his confinement when Mr Smithson returned. He bowed and gave me an endearing smile which was probably out of character for a valet, but he was not facing Mr Darcy, so I wasfair game.
“All is arranged as requested, sir.”
He then handed a small leather pouch to Mr Darcy, who placed it into an inside pocket on his waistcoat. I looked at it curiously, so he said, “Something I neglected to bring earlier.”
Satisfied that Mr Smithson was just being efficient, I put the first set out of my mind. If it was arranged to misters Darcy and Smithson’s approval, it was good enough for me. Any outcome that did not involve dancing the first set with Mr Collins was entirely to my satisfaction.
Returning to the time we had been in close conference, and the fact that a meeting between Mr Darcy, myself, and his valet was bound to raise some notice if anyone observed us, I finally decided I should be a bit less selfish.
“I cannot thank you enough for the help, sir. You are free to pursue your own interests, if you will once again accept my deepest gratitude.”
Mr Smithson walked away, and Mr Darcy fixed me with a look unlike any I had seen before. “Who says I am not pursuing my interests right now?”
I must have looked shocked because he was quick to add, “Do not be alarmed, madam. To be honest, this is the most diversion I have ever enjoyed at a ball. I mostly find them akin to torture. Would you be willing to entertain a request from me?”
Just about incapable of surprise at this point, I simply smiled and nodded, both of which were becoming easier as the evening progress. He was certainly not acting like the man I thought I knew, and I was starting to wonder if Mr Wickham’s story might have a few holes (or more). It was hard to imagine the man in front of me doing anything so terrible, but that was a discussion for another time. I found myself astounded to think that I quite looked forward to the very idea of a discussion with Mr Darcyat another time.
