Page 63 of May I Have the Pleasure
CATHERINE
I would say at this point, the two are about evenly matched in offences. Is that the end of the story?
ELIZABETH
Oh no. ‘tis hardly the beginning.
(Catherine smiles in amusement)
CATHERINE
Pray continue. This is fascinating.
ELIZABETH
Well, my lady, the gentleman’s good friend happened to be courting the lady’s elder sister.
He did so assiduously for six weeks, culminating at a ball where he danced the first and supper sets with her and spentmost of the rest of the evening in the lady’s company. This caused some—perhaps reasonable, perhaps not—expectations in the neighbourhood.
Then, this second gentleman claimed he was off to town for a few days, but quit the neighbourhood entirely, never to return. In fact, the entire party decamped without notice hours after the ball.
(Catherine startles and looks shocked)
CATHERINE
You mean the entire party left like a thief in the night! It sounds like this lady had the misfortune to spend the autumn with TWO extremely disagreeable gentlemen—if I am not abusing the term ‘gentlemen’ overly much.
(Fitzwilliam thumps his chest)
FITZWILLIAM
I would agree, Aunt. Both dunderheads need a good thumping. Did either proffer any explanations?
(Elizabeth looks pained)
ELIZABETH
The second gentlemen asked his sister to write a letter claiming the gentleman had very suddenly began courting the first gentleman’s sister and was unlikely to return at all. At the time neither the lady, nor her sister, were aware said sister was hardly more than a child, and not even out.
(Catherine sits up straight and gasps, looking shocked)
CATHERINE
This just gets worse and worse. What was the tone of this letter? Were they polite and subtle at least?
ELIZABETH
As polite and subtle as a blacksmith’s hammer.
(Catherine looks pained)
CATHERINE
Upon my word, you are quite the mistress of the analogy.
ELIZABETH
I do my best.
