Page 22 of The Cheapside Runners
Mr Collins turned out to be all the Bennet parents dreamed of and their daughters dreaded. Mr Bennet found the man far sillier than even he had anticipated, much to his pleasure. Mrs Bennet found the man’s olive branch to be in earnest, and he was not the least bit subtle about what he meant by it. The daughters found him unbelievably tedious.
Mr Collins was not a sensible man, and the deficiency of nature had been, but little assisted by education or society; the greatest part of his life having been spent under the guidance of an illiterate and miserly father; and though he belonged to one of the universities, he had merely kept the necessary terms, without forming at it any useful acquaintance. The subjection in which his father had brought him up had given him originally great humility of manner; but it was now a good deal counteracted by the self-conceit of a weak head, living in retirement, and the consequential feelings of early and unexpected prosperity.
Mr Bennet loved the combination of pomposity and servility, as well as the silly nothings the man spouted almost constantly. He managed to spout his balderdash quite often, primarily because the man never shut up. He could drone on and on about his parsonage, Rosings, and his noble patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, almost without breath.
In fact, he maundered about that lady and her rather ignorant sounding advice so often over dinner that Elizabeth wrote to her uncle to ask him to investigate the grand dame that very night—expecting an answer within the week. She also wrote what happened with the viscount, as she told him about everything important that impacted her life—particularly things of a nature that he could use in his business.
Mrs Bennet enjoyed the fact that the man planned to takeone of her daughters off her hands, ideally one of the most troublesome ones.
Elizabeth thought nothing of the man’s obvious matrimonial ambitions, particularly when anyone with the slightest bit of sense—even Mrs Bennet— would nominate Mary for the task, and Elizabeth strongly suspected her sister would have no objections. That conviction only lasted the course of a day or so, after which his behaviour became even less subtle.
It now first struck her, that she was selected from among her sisters as worthy of being mistress of Hunsford Parsonage, and of assisting to form a quadrille table at Rosings, in the absence of more eligible visitors.
All doubts about his intentions were removed by a fraught conversation with Mrs Bennet.
“Lizzy, Mr Collins is paying you particular attention, and you would do well to reciprocate—in fact, I insist on it. Just imagine, you could be the mistress of this house on your father’s decease, and we would all remain comfortably ensconced in Longbourn. I commend to your notice the general agreeableness of his situation, his connexions with Lady Catherine, and his parsonage sounds fine… exceptionally fine, indeed.”
“I am surprised he did not fix on Jane like every other red-blooded man.”
“Oh, he did, but I advised him that she is already being courted, and we expect an offer quite soon.”
“That was entirely premature, Mama!” she snapped. “I advise you in the strongest possible terms not to spread such rumours. There are very few things more likely to drive Mr Bingleyawayfrom Jane than aggressive matchmaking.”
“Oh, what do you know?”
“More than you, apparently,” Elizabeth snapped. “Do not forget that I do not spend all my time here among the four and twenty families. My time in London has taught me quite a lot,and I can assure you that I know far more about the Mr Bingleys of the world than you ever will.”
“Stuff and nonsense! You know not of what you speak. Mark my words, Jane will be engaged by Christmas.”
Elizabeth was astonished by such wilful intransigence but thought herself unlikely to change her mother at this late stage of her life.
“Be that as it may, I agree that Jane should be excluded from his attentions, not because of Mr Bingley, but because she would not be suited to that life. She is not tough enough. That said, you really should point him to Mary. She enjoys her Fordyce and her Bible above all things. She has always aspired to become a clergyman’s wife, and I doubt she would be overly distressed by Lady Catherine’s interference in her business. Why you would pass over the most religious lady in the house when looking for a clergyman’s wife is beyond my comprehension.”
“Mary is far too plain to risk our future on! Besides that, she knows almost nothing about keeping house. Even though I would be here to guide her after your father’s demise, Mr Collins has shown not the slightest interest in her, while he has clearly demonstrated a great deal in you. It will be such a comfort to have you in charge of the estate in my old age, and you know as well as anyone that at least some of your sisters are likely to remain unwed. Mary and Kitty will be a trial, and I doubt there is another man in all of England who would be willing to tolerate your impertinence.”
There it was in plain unvarnished English. Mrs Bennet was after her own comfort, not that of her daughters, and getting rid of Elizabeth once and for all was an idea she could look on with great enthusiasm.
“You seem to be missing one crucial point, Mother.I will not accept him, and you cannot make me!”
Mrs Bennet’s ire rose to nearly unprecedented heights. “Youmost certainly will. I have raised you for twenty years, and you will do what you must for the good of this family.”
“Aunt Gardiner has been far more of an influence than you, but that is neither here nor there. Do you honestly believe someone who spends her time with Uncle Gardiner is going to go along with such a scheme?”
“I have no idea why your father allows you so much time there.”
“Perhaps not, but you rejoice in my absence, so you cannot turn it into a complaint now. All of that is getting off the main point. I will not marry Mr Collins. I have told you before that neither you nor your unwed daughters will ever starve in the hedgerows. Uncle Gardiner will see to you and steps have already been taken.”
“Yes, perhaps he might see me settled in some hovel with one maid of all work, but he will not see me living in the style to which I am accustomed.”
“And why should he? You have had a quarter-century to save and prepare for that inevitable day, and yet both you and Papa have donenothing. You will not live in a hovel. You will live as well as Aunt Philips, and probably better, which to be frank, is more than you deserve.”
“Live like an attorney’s wife!” she screeched. “After being a leading matron of the area for decades! Never!”
Elizabeth sighed in frustration. If her mother’s attitude had not been clear for years, she was certainly forthright about it now. It seemed obvious that, with Elizabeth still six months from her majority and still ostensibly under her father’s control, Mrs Bennet thought she could force the issue. The plain and unpalatable fact was that, if Elizabeth did not have her Uncle Gardiner,her parents might have been able to pull it off.That said, shedidhave her uncle, and she could name twenty places she could easily hide for six months, with or without her uncle’shelp.
Elizabeth decided it was high time to play her strongest card.
“I will dismantle your premises one at a time in due course, but before I do, will you give me leave to give you the one argument youmightbe able to comprehend?”
