Page 36 of The Cheapside Runners
Mary gulped, not at all certain she agreed, but powerless to argue, especially since she knew what the Bible said as well as Mrs Black did.
Mrs Black let her stew on that for a minute or two, forcing her to at least acknowledge the ambiguities of life, then finally took pity on her as the rest of her charges held their breaths.
“She will not commit suicide, if that helps your conscience. She is in agony you cannot comprehend, and she has been suffering longer and harder than you can imagine. She has had a full bottle of Laudanum on her table at all times. She could have deliberately and painlessly taken her own life in less than five minutes at any time in the last year. She has refrained, for her own reasons, but everyone has their limits. She has paid her price and will stand for judgement head held high. Can any of you say you would do the same in her place? Can you honestly say the present course of your lives are likely to allow you to go to your reward in peace some years hence? If you died tomorrow, would you be satisfied you had lived the best life you could?”
Mary at first thought she was splitting hairs, but then decided Lizzy was right. It was not her place to judge, and what would it accomplish anyway? She at long last realised that there was a fine line between taking enough Laudanum to ease your pain and enough to kill you, and she decided that refraining from judgement was the very least required of her.
It would be some time before she came to the startling realisation that she had been devouring Fordyce and the Bibleforyearsand had yet to learn the essence of compassion—which, by all rights, should have been the very first lesson.
An extremely subdued group returned to their lodgings. They did not complain in the least to get the same stew they had endured the night before, nor did they complain about the size or quality of their bedchambers.
It was probably not enough to reform the worst of them, but it was a start.
14.Friends and Relatives
“Darce, may we perchance be granted entrance to this fine den of masculine sanctuary?”
“Bingley… Richard… You may as well come in. This dog hole should be safe enough. I doubt any of us could muster any attention from a woman worthy of being pleased anyway.”
With that, the three friends entered the study in the Darcy townhouse. He had not seen Bingley since the Netherfield ball a week earlier, and his cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, since he left for Hertfordshire two months earlier.
They entered, exchanged greetings, took a few glasses of port for fortification, and sat down to discuss the ways of the world, such as it was.
“Bingley, I understood you to be about three-quarters leg-shackled off in the country. Do you still plan to return?” the colonel quipped.
“That remains to be seen,” Bingley replied somewhat glumly. “I have become… concerned… about what I saw there. I have not given up, but I am… cautious… thoughtful.”
“A thoughtful Bingley must defy some fundamental law of nature.”
“Perhaps, but I suppose sufficient exposure to your contemplative cousin was likely to rub off sooner or later. We all have our weaknesses.”
“You seem a bit morose about all this introspection. Was this angel more persistent than the earlier ones? Or is your head just sore from having to work for once?”
They all chuckled, but Bingley did not deign to reply to the last part.
“No, not persistent, per se, but she was the first one I could imagine settling down with. I may even have given it due consideration if not for—”
The pause became pregnant as the other men had no idea how to deal with a pensive Bingley.
“If not for?” the colonel helpfully supplied, then kicked his boot to jar his tongue loose.
“If not for… well… several things, really. The first is that my sister swears on everything holy that Miss Bennet does not hold me in any particular regard; that she is naught but a fortune hunter. She claims women know these things, and she is also privy to private conversations. I returned to town after the ball for a fortnight, and Caroline closed up the house. I have yet to decide what to do.”
The colonel grunted at a level that was indecorous for a gentleman, but perfectly ordinary for a soldier. “I see your sister is not satisfied with running your life but has elevated her game to running your thinking as well. No wonder your head hurts.”
He waited for the reaction and was disappointed when all he got was a sigh and a shrug. He expected fisticuffs after a remark like that (even though he thought he was just stating the obvious) but got nothing—much to his chagrin.
Bingley continued with uncharacteristic seriousness. “Not exactly, but shedoesmake a point. I am rarely certain what a woman thinks. I suspect the same is true of most men. That said, Caroline has her own agenda, so I do not necessarily trust her implicitly.”
“Very wise, but keep in mind that women havefarless freedom of expression. If she chased you with a quarter the intensity you usually chase them with, she would be considered fast.”
“Agreed, but I do not think that precludes her at least giving me ahint.There was plenty of opportunity. At any rate, I decided to give it a think for a few weeks. Miss Bennet’s next younger sister, Miss Elizabeth, made a keen observation when we were discussing ladies’ accomplishments.”
Darcy laughed. “She made it whilst taking fifteen guineas off our hands in a half-hour. She bilked us like a Covent Garden sharper. It was impressive.”
The colonel laughed heartily and wondered if he might find such a woman somewhere. Then he wondered how in the world a country miss could afford those stakes, and that led him to wonder if she could afford a broken-down old colonel for a husband.
Bingley continued, “Miss Elizabeth insistsaccomplishmentsare ephemeral, and mostly worthless. They are only useful for a season or two, then obsolete for the next fifty years. She had a clever turn of phrase—called themhusband bait, I think. It put me to thinking I ought to take the long view. Considering the matter for a few weeks cannot hurt in the grand scheme of things.”
