Page 21 of The Cheapside Runners
Mrs Bennet grunted and finally turned to her breakfast, not because she had said all she had to say, but because the deed was done. She well knew Lizzy did what she wanted and never listened to her mother; and to be honest, she was hungry.
After that, the day passed relatively peacefully for Longbourn. Mrs Bennet continued to lament the failure of her brilliant plan through the malfeasance of her recalcitrant daughter on an hourly basis.
Elizabeth would have found the whole thing tedious beyond belief, had not some relief appeared around midafternoon in the form of their Aunt Philips, who carried the news that a militia company had arrived to quarter in Meryton.Thatset the cat among the pigeons, and for the next four days, almost nothing was spoken of except officers.
Between the two youngest sisters’ raptures, Mrs Bennet’s wholehearted concurrence, including fond remembrances of Colonel Miller’s time in her youth, her aunt’s inclination to join in vigorously, and Mary’s hearty (though often nonsensical) objections—hardly any other subject was spoken of, aside from the obvious attractions of Netherfield.
Elizabeth thought the only good things about the situation were that it allowed her mother to cease browbeating her about abandoning Netherfield, and having more dancing partners would be helpful. On the other hand, she knew any militia company would have any number of rogues, and she worried about the safety of her sillier sisters.
Lydia and Kitty justhadto walk into Meryton every day to canvass everything they could learn about the officers, where they stayed, where and when they worshipped (if at all), who their wives were (for the few who had them), and a seemingly endless catalogue ofon dits, rumours, and suppositions.
After listening one morning to their effusions on this subject, Mr Bennet coolly observed: “From all that I can collect by your manner of talking, you must be two of the silliest girls in the country. I have suspected it for some time, but I am now convinced.”
Catherine was disconcerted, and made no answer; but Lydia, with perfect indifference, continued to express her admiration of Captain Carter and her hope of seeing him in the course of the day, as he was going the next morning to London.
“I am astonished, my dear,” said Mrs Bennet, “that you should be so ready to think your own children silly. If I wished to think slightingly of anybody’s children, it should not be of my own, however.”
“If my children are silly, I must hope to be always sensible of it.”
Elizabeth listened to this discussion for several minutes withgrowing horror. She had been away from Longbourn for more than six months before the Netherfield party arrived, and she was alarmed by what she was seeing.
That exchange encapsulated all that was wrong with her family. Her two sisterswerein facttwo of the silliest girls in the country. Elizabeth’s ever-present concern turned to alarm. With the advent of the militia, Lydia was well on her way to bringing shame upon her family. Elizabeth could clearly see the path they were on, especially when Lydia expounded on the ridiculous idea of being the first married, and Kitty followed wherever she led.
The conversation clearly demonstrated that her father, as usual, knew they were silly, and was not willing todo anythingabout it; while her mother did not actually see anything wrong with their behaviour, though she would obviously pitch a fit if Lizzy or Jane acted that way.
It was frustrating no end. Lydia and Kitty: silly, vain, and idle; working their way toward disaster. Mr Bennet: worldly, educated,aware; but wholly unwilling to do anything to correct the matter. Mrs Bennet: not much better than Lydia, if at all. Jane and Mary: painfully oblivious and naïve.
~~~~~
The Bingley party, with the obvious exceptions of Mr Darcy and the viscount, called three days after their return to check on Jane. The resulting calamity made Elizabeth wonder that they did not pack their bags for London straightaway.
Lydia, in a manner vulgar even by her standards, after a furious and impolite bout of giggling and whispering, browbeat the poor man into holding a ball. It was slightly amusing watching Miss Bingley’s countenance become severe even by her standards, while Mr Bingley, bless his heart, did not even seem to notice the shocking improprieties. He agreed to hold the ball as soon as Jane was up to it with good cheer. Of course, given how his sisters behaved, the man probably did not find theLongbourn parlour all that unusual.
Elizabeth wondered if she had been dropped into the family by fairies, since she did not fit in at all. All she saw was one disaster after another, and she was the only Bennet that was even aware, let alone concerned.
~~~~~
By the next day, things hadfinallysettled down to the usual level of chaos, so naturally the patriarch decided to stir things up by way of a visit from the dreaded heir, to commence at four o’clock that very day. Of course, he softened the blow with the absolutely polite and calming observation: “It is from my cousin, Mr Collins, who, when I am dead, may turn you all out of this house as soon as he pleases.”
Elizabeth just shook her head in bewilderment at the ridiculousness of her parents. By his own admission, her father kept the secret for a fortnight just to increase his own amusement. As expected, her mother threw a fit, as if preparing the house for one guest over the course of a day should be a challenge. She remembered her example of Jane happily accommodating a dozen with nary a raised eyebrow, and whilst it was a slight exaggeration, it was not as bad as one might expect. A half-dozen certainly would not be a strain, so why was her mother fussing aboutone?
She sighed, listened to the ridiculous man’s letter, and her parents’ reaction.
Elizabeth was chiefly struck by his extraordinary deference for Lady Catherine, and his kind intention of christening, marrying, and burying his parishioners whenever it were required.Why he boasted that a clergyman did the usual work for that profession was a mystery, and she was struck by the inconsistencies she heard.
“He must be an oddity, I think,” said she. “I cannot make him out.–There is something very pompous in his.–And whatcan he mean by apologising for being next in the entail?–We cannot suppose he would help it if he could.–Could he be a sensible man, sir?”
“No, my dear, I think not. I have great hopes of finding him quite the reverse. There is a mixture of servility and self-importance in his letter, which promises well. I am impatient to see him.”
There was the rub. Her father was anxious to sharpen his wit at her cousin’s expense, while her mother found just one more thing to excite her nerves. She hated to admit it, but Mrs Bennet, for all her silliness, was actually interested in securing her daughters’ futures—though, in this case, Elizabeth suspected she was more concerned with her own. Mr Bennet, on the other hand, seemed thoroughly unconcerned with anything save his own comfort and amusement.
It seemed they were due for some weeks of utter mayhem. She began to wonder how soon she could return to London and lamented that it could not be before four so she could avoid Mr Collins’ visit entirely. She was mildly curious about the heir but had a premonition he would be more trouble than his amusement was worth.
She was slightly curious to see Jane’s courtship proceed (if it did). She thought she might enjoy Mr Bingley’s ball (if it happened). She was mildly curious about whether Mr Darcy would return (and how many new lumps he might have on his head). She felt duty bound to see how badly her sisters behaved with the soldiers (with inordinately low expectations). She was mildly curious about her cousin’s olive branch (if he extended it).
As much as she might like to leave, she thought she should delay until after the ball—but was of the firm opinion that wild horses could not hold her back afterward.
9.The Dreaded Cousin
