Page 54 of Eavesdroppers Never Hear
“Any number of ways,” he replied with a shake of his head. “Many were vain and selfish once I got to know them, much like my own sister. Many lost their interest quickly, once they learnt I was naught but the son of a tradesman. Some used me as bait to attract bigger fish. I could continue, but mostly it was my own naivete and vanity.”
Jane laughed slightly. “Vanity? I suppose you share that defect with Mr Darcy.”
Bingley laughed. “Darcy will swear up and down that he does not suffer from vanity and he has his pride under good regulation.”
“I could swear up and down my younger sisters have perfect manners. That would not make it true.”
Bingley laughed, and Jane joined in. Nothing was resolved, but she was at least slightly less hostile.
“While on the subject of defects, may we move on from my vanity and allow me to apologise for one more thing?”
“Feel free.”
“I had a lot of time to think in the last week. I even kept notes. I believe I must apologise for my selfishness.”
Jane looked confused. “You may need to elaborate.”
“Since you obviously are privy to my conversation with Darcy at the assembly, you are aware that I was attracted to your beauty. Hooray for me, I am not blind, though I am stupid.”
“Go on,” she said grudgingly.
“I was, in fact, first attracted by your beauty and it would be silly to claim otherwise. I would suspect your first glance of me compared to your first glance at your cousin shows that women are not entirely immune to appearance either.”
Jane blushed and sighed. “After that night, I told Lizzy you were just what a young man ought to be: sensible, good-humoured, lively; with happy manners and perfect good breeding!”
Bingley was blushing but had nothing to reply.
Jane stared at the floor. “Lizzy observed that you were also handsome, which a young man ought likewise to be, if he possibly can. Your character is thereby complete.”
She stared directly at him for the first time that morning. “I suppose it would be hypocritical to chastise you for doing the same thing we were.”
Bingley nodded, wondering if that revelation made things better or worse. “I suppose that mitigates perhaps the worst of my behaviour for the first night of our acquaintance, but thereafter…”
She nodded for him to continue, but he stopped and thought for some time.
“Thereafter, much to my shame, I did not really think about you. I thought about how I felt when I was with you. I thought that, perhaps I had found the woman who could match me. I thought about… well, it was all about me. I did not consider how the neighbourhood would comprehend your reputation when I so blatantly favoured you. I gave no thought to how your mother’s enthusiasm would make your home life. As you so aptly pointed out, I learnt quite well how you made me feel without a second thought to how I made you feel. I did not think about what would happen to you if our nascent acquaintance went off. I took no real steps to curb my sisters’ tongues, though it was obvious they would be wagging. I could continue in that vein for some time, but I suspect you understand.”
“I do,” she said, staring at the ground again. “I suppose I should apologise for the way my family treated you. My mother put a target on your back, and to be honest, she spent the entire time trying to bring you to the point—and whether it was with your compliance or without was of no interest. She sent me to Netherfield on horseback specifically so I might get trapped by the rain. She knows nothing about you save your income, and yet that was enough to make you a good matrimonial target, and I do not know to what lengths she might have gone if her ambitions were thwarted.”
Bingley watched her staring at him as if in challenge.
“I should prefer, Miss Bennet, that we both spend our efforts rectifying our own thoughts and behaviours… not our respective family’s.”
“To be honest,” said she, “Lizzy had the right of it. I suppose you could make some grand gesture like Mr Darcy, but I think that would be a square peg in a round hole. Your… offenses… such as they were, are different from his.”
“Agreed, which is why I did not follow his example. In some ways, I think Darcy and I have opposite problems.”
“Do tell,” she said, showing a spark of curiosity.
“Darcy knew he was the heir to a vast estate as soon as he learnt to talk. I was raised to be a tradesman, and my father threw me into a gentleman’s education and set lofty expectations late in the game and unexpectedly. That is how we became friends. Darcy came to my rescue, and we got along well together.”
Jane nodded for him to continue.
“We are the opposite because I need to grow up, and Darcy needs to reclaim his childhood. He was very much like a middle-aged man before his twentieth birthday, while I have yet to fully mature.”
Jane sighed. “That may be the saddest thing I ever heard.”
“Not really,” Bingley said with a smile, and nodded his head toward the other couple. “Did you pay attention to how they sat down?”
