Page 25 of The Gossip War
Kitty and Lydia were wild to see new ribbons, bonnets, and the like, even though there was little chance anything had changed in the three days since their last visit. Lizzy gazed at them fondly, which was an improvement over her usual exasperation.
“Good Lord, who is that handsome man?” Lydia laughed.
A leopard does not change its spots, at least overnight. Lizzy and I shushed her but otherwise let her enjoy her sport. There was a limit to how much trouble she could get into.
I was not happy with their behaviour, but since my new brother was likely to hire them a governess who could make an army sergeant cry, I was not overly worried.
Mary was still engaged with Mr Collins, so we allowed our two silliest sisters to drag us over for an introduction that was only about half-improper (a vast improvement for Lydia).
We were thus engaged in meeting a newly minted Lieutenant Wickham. I suppose most would assert that his appearance was greatly in his favour. He had all the best part of beauty, a fine countenance, a good figure, and very pleasing address; = but after my experience at Netherfield, I was immune to such charms. On the other hand, my new brother was even handsomer, so perhaps it was premature to give up on handsome men entirely.
We were just getting through the commonplaces, and Lizzy was getting close to dragging Lydia off by her ear, when I heard horses walking into town.
Lizzy and I turned toward them, whilst Kitty and Lydia remained annoyingly engaged with the soldiers.
To my disappointment, though hardly my surprise, I saw Mr Bingley. We had all agreed we needed to show the awkward half-indifference, half-melancholy of a nascent courtship that waned naturally, so I did my best to play my part whilst he did his. I saw a look in his eye that might have been regret, but with a man like that, it could well be regret over failed avarice.
William looked as handsome as ever, and he could barely keep his eyes off Lizzy. None of us minded his incivility in the least. Mary and Mr Collins were engaged in a petty argument about some doctrinal issue, and Lydia could not have been distracted from the soldiers by a fire.
William came our way, and Lizzy and I both saw the moment when his look was temporarily distracted to see who was with us, and then I gasped to see the most hostile, thunderous look he had ever given anyone. His face suggested the Bingleys were a minor annoyance and whomever he was staring at was far, far worse.
I followed his gaze to see the newly minted Lieutenant Wickham, who looked up to see William and his face turned white. I suspected I was seeing rage and terror respectively, and then it struck me:This must be the bounder who interfered with my new sister, Georgiana.
Both men came to their senses in time to barely tip hats, then Mr Wickham calculatingly bowed and suggested he had military business to get to.
William joined us and suggested a rapid retreat to Longbourn, but Lizzy convinced him that was a good way to start rumours we were at such pains to avoid.
Instead of beating a hasty retreat, we joined Mr Bingley in visiting my aunt, who planned a dinner party for the next day. She was slightly overwhelmed by the verbosity and reticence of misters Collins and Darcy respectively, but we eventually muddled through it.
We eventually retreated to Longbourn in good order, with Mr Bingley doing his job of showing he had lost interest in me, as flighty men are wont to do. I suggested as much to my aunt and expected the gossip to be all over town by nightfall.
Mr Collins insisted he should get an introduction to the obviously distinguished gentleman, and Mary showed some surprising backbone by instructing him that the more consequential gentleman must request the introduction, and there was no doubt which man was which. The fool then tried to convince her the rules were different for the clergy, and theyargued about it all the way back to Longbourn; at which point we joined our parents for another war council.
I entered the meeting with trepidation with only one thought in mind.
I dearly hope that cur does not become intimate with the Bingleys.
Philips Parlour, Tuesday 7 PM, Mrs Bennet
For the first time in my life, I regretted an invitation to my sister’s house.
Most thought we were two peas in a pod, and they may well have been right. She had no children while I had a surfeit. She presided over the house we were born in while I snagged a gentleman. Other than those obvious differences, we always got along well. She was a bit loud and gossipy, but I suppose I was too. Whether I would improve over time was yet to be determined, but I was resolved to try, for Lizzy’s sake if nothing else.
After our war council of the previous evening, William was taking steps to dissuade the cur in our midst, and he did not wish to meet either of Misters Wickham or Bingley before he was ready. I asked what those preparations were, and he suggested he had enough vowels to put the man in debtor’s prison, and he had a cousin who was a real soldier who would happily dispatch both men before breakfast. That last was not a real threat, but it was amusing.
We went to my sister’s party because it would be rude not to, and out of character enough to raise eyebrows we preferred lowered.
I threatened Kitty and Lydia that I would make them exchange bonnets with Mary if they so much as spoke two words to Mr Wickham, and since they could not conceive of any fate so terrible, they were easy enough to manage.
Mary was unlikely to give two straws for any man in uniform, so I felt no need to tell her anything. She spent much time speaking with Mr Collins, but most of their conversations sounded more like an argument than complaisance, so I did not worry.
Lizzy and Jane I ignored since they could perfectly well take care of themselves.
Mr Collins imposed himself on my sister, which gave me a slight chance to listen to his blather. When he compared my sister’s parlour to a small breakfast nook at Rosas, or Rosings, or whatever his patroness’ estate was, Mrs Philips was none too pleased, until he grovelled enough to slake her thirst for revenge. After that, the man had enough sense to return to Mary for yet another doctrinal argument.
The officers did in fact appear, and my sister made quite a fuss over them. Mr Wickham was the most sought after, though whether that was because he was the handsomest or the newest was hard to tell. There is a great deal to say for novelty.
Jane overheard him telling Amy Long some ridiculous story about William. Something about being denied a living, which made no sense. If he had a gentleman’s education and planned to take a living, he would at least have taken orders. Even Mr Collins managed that! Given that, being a brand-new lieutenant at an age close to Williams suggested a lackadaisical attitude, rather than William’s malice as a more likely suggestion.
