Page 10 of Behind the Cascades
My shoulders sag slightly. "It is. But I’m going to miss your birthday and graduation.” I wish I could be there to pull her into my arms. I should be the one reassuring her. Not the other way around.
“Oh.” The mask has already started slipping, disappointment weaving its way into her voice.
"I'm so sorry, Sunshine.”
"It's not your fault. Your mom will be there, as will Odessa. One of them can send you a video."
My throat feels clogged with emotion as she keeps assuring me that everything will be okay. "Thanks; I'd love to see it."
Add this to the list of milestones I have to miss out on. The sacrifices never felt as daunting when I wasn’t disappointing Charlie. I know it’s a struggle that everyone in the military has to deal with, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Even our dad’s couldn’t handle the time away. Once they missed a few birthdays, family vacations, and holidays, they decided it wasn't worth it. I get it now. How hard it must have been for them to finish their contracts, because all I want to do is break mine.
Charlie
Tearsstream down my face as I sit in my car outside of my apartment. Hayes just called to let me know he can’t make it to my college graduation and he’ll be off to whatever war-torn country they send him to. I want to be mad and sad and throw a giant fit but it won’t change anything. This is the life I’ll have to get used to if I want to be with Hayes. The life I told him that I could handle. Just like our mom’s did.
Finally, I get out of my car and start walking toward my apartment. This complex is huge, with each floor having four apartments. I’ve lived here for about a year and I’m the newest one on the second floor. The neighbor across from me must be a nurse, because I rarely see her and when I do, she’s always in scrubs. The neighbor next to me, Carter, is a single guy who is pretty quiet but always smiles and says hi when he sees me. In the apartment across from him lives a single mom with two teenage kids. The kids can be a little rowdy but the mom is always very polite and apologetic. I don’t mind them, though; they remind me of Drew and me. Always bickering, but the love is there.
Carter happens to be walking toward our building at the same time as I am. He’s carrying a massive bouquet of flowers that he can barely see over. When he notices that it’s me next to him, he smiles and stops walking. “Hey, Charlotte!”
“Hey. Some bouquet you have there. They’re beautiful!”
His entire face light’s up at my compliment. “They are, aren’t they? My grandmother has quite the garden.” A wistful expression takes over his face as he looks at them. Then he plucks out a white rose and hands it to me. “These are my favorite though. They’ve always reminded me of my favorite person.”
I try to control my eyebrows from hitting my hairline, but everything about that sentence gives me the heebie-jeebies andI don’t know why. “Yeah… Well, they are lovely,” I say with a polite smile.
He takes a second to adjust the flowers and then his eyes widen when he takes a better look at me. “Woah, Charlotte. Are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying.”
He reaches his free hand to touch my arm as he takes a step closer to me. My instincts naturally put the distance back between us as I step away, nodding my head. The optics of how this would look to Hayes aren’t beyond me. A seemingly random guy giving me flowers? Not a good look. Especially to a man who already has a lot of stress on his mind.
“I’m okay. I just got some bad news.” I say as I start to walk up the stairs, hoping to avoid talking anymore about this. It doesn’t feel right for me to cry on another man’s shoulder. Especially considering I just told Hayes how I was fine with the demands of his job.
“Do you want to talk about it?” His shaggy hair covers his light blue eyes and he keeps trying to push it back with his free hand. He gives off frat boy mixed with surfer vibes, wearing his dark jeans and a polo.
I shake my head and take another step. “No, thanks, though. I just need a shower and some sleep. See ya around.”
He smiles back but something seems off about it, like he’s disappointed. I’ve never gotten a bad feeling from him, but he always has an intense energy surrounding him. As if he’s reading into everything I say, looking for a deeper meaning.
I make my way into my apartment, locking the door behind me.
I half-drop and half-set my purse on the table by the door. It lands with a thud, sounding louder than normal in my quiet little apartment. Taking a look around, the realization hits me that I’ll have to renew my lease for another year. I always likedthis apartment but I was really hoping I would get to spend some time in San Diego with Hayes before he left. Even if it had only been a few weeks, I wanted that time with him to just be and live. Spending long weekends together has been amazing, but it’s only made me want more. More time. More love. More Hayes.
Chapter Seven
Charlie
"Charlie, listen to me. Hayes loves you. Everyone knows Hayes loves you. He's borderline obsessed with you. I swear to you that you are overthinking this entire thing." Odessa has been listening to me fret over Hayes being distant for a few weeks now. She's answered every call, talked me off the ledge, and given me the pep talk of all pep talks. Still, my gut is telling me something is off. Every time we talk, which isn't as often as it once was, he's distant and distracted. It feels like the Hayes from eight months ago, before we were dating.
"Even though I told him I would fly out and he made up some excuse why he couldn't see me? I know he's lying, Dess." Hayes leaves in a handful of days and I offered to fly out to spend a week there before he left. I assumed that he would be busy, but only twenty minutes of face-to-face would have been worth it to me. He said he wouldn’t even have that much time, though. A big fat lie considering Heather let it slip that she and Drew have plans because the guys have a four day weekend.
"I know. I'm not saying that his lying to you is okay. But I don't think it's as sinister as you think it is. He's been telling youhow concerned he is about this deployment and what it will do to your relationship. I think you might have to be the strong one right now. Show him you're with him throughout it all. Allow him to be the one to spiral for a change, and trust him when he says that he loves you. Ya know?"Dammit.She makes a point. I can't begin to imagine the stress he is under and I don't want to add to it by constantly doubting him.
"You're right." I say with a grumble. "Wait! Since when are you the voice of reason? Shouldn't you be booking us plane tickets to slash his tires?"
She chuckles in the background. "If it were any man other than Hayes, yes. However, he has the best heart of all of us. He'd never intentionally do anything to hurt you."
"Yeah, yeah." I sigh into the phone. It's loud on her end of the phone; people are chattering in the background but she doesn't seem to be in a hurry to get off the phone. "How's life on the road? Where even are you?"
"Exhausting. I have a couple more days in NYC and then I'll be home for a week in between gigs. I need the reprieve that only mom can offer." Odessa has been calling Connie "mom" since she moved in with us at fifteen. Despite the reputation their last name holds, the Astors have never been stellar parents. If anything, the money only made them more neglectful and abusive. Connie's house became all of our safe house and thankfully she had enough love to go around for all of us.
