Page 55 of To Professor, with Love
He patted my back dolefully.“It’s always the one you shouldn’t want that you end up wanting the most.”
With a lift of my eyebrows, I waited for him to elaborate.He didn’t.He just sent me a knowing grin and leaned in confidentially close.“But if she’s worth it, nothing else matters.You’ll find a way.And you’ll sacrifice whatever needs to be sacrificed to get there.”
Realizing he was talking about him and his girlfriend, I watched him thoughtfully as he turned away and stacked a couple dirty glasses into a tub to be taken to the back for washing.I swear he’d just given me his blessing to mess around with my freaking professor.
If she’s worth it, his words rumbled through my head.I sent her a glance, and everything perked to attention.No one had ever affected me the way this woman did.She stole the breath from my lungs with a single glance, and made me feel more alive and more aware of every sense I possessed than anyone I’d ever met.She could even piss me off more than anyone else had ever pissed me off before.She had a power over me that should’ve scared the shit out of me, but it only drew me to her harder.
“You seriously like being with just one girl?”I grabbed Lowe’s arm when he tried to pass by.“Monogamy, and relationships, and all that shit.Is it really worth it?”
He paused and lifted an eyebrow.After studying me thoughtfully for a moment, he grinned.“If it’sthegirl, then hell yes.”Shrugging free of me, he took off down the hall toward the kitchen.
And I started toward Aspen without even thinking.I was halfway across the bar before I realized what I was doing.I was going to go after her, and I was going to make her mine.
But something on the television screen over the bar caught her attention.She tilted her head and squinted her eyes as if trying to hear what was being said.When her eyes widened and lips parted, I knew it was bad.
“What?”I demanded, stopping across from her at the bar and trying to crane my neck around to see the television.
The words on the bottom of the screen had my skin icing over with dread.Ellamore Sex Scandal.
I sliced a look to Aspen.When she met my gaze, her face was sheet white.So I scrambled for the remote under the counter.When I found it, I pushed the closed caption button.
ESU assistant volleyball coach,Vander Wilson, was fired this afternoon for having illicit relations with freshman volleyball player, Allison Belfries.According to allegations, Wilson and Belfries’s affair started early in the season and lasted until this week when Wilson’s wife caught the two together.But when Wilson tried to end the relationship, Belfries went to the head coach to confess everything.University officials dismissed him immediately and have declined to make a comment at this time.More on that later...
“I need to go,”Aspen gasped, jerking her purse off the bar as she hopped off her stool.“I can’t...This is...I’m sorry.Can I pay my tab now?”
I turned to her, already knowing what I’d see and dreading it.She wouldn’t even look at me.Her cheeks were stained with guilt and her throat worked as she swallowed convulsively.
“Aspen,” I started, ready to fight for her.But what the hell?I’d just decided she was worth it; why would the universe pull the rug out from under us like that?
“Don’t,” she pleaded, her voice strained and eyelashes damp.
I crumbled.Here, I’d been all prepared to argue our case.We weren’t like them.Neither of us was married; we weren’t being unfaithful.And if I remembered correctly, Coach Wilson was in his late thirties.He was probably twenty years older than Allison Belfries.
But the bleak, troubled, guilty gleam in Aspen’s green eyes reminded me our situation would probably be worse, actually.Volleyball wasn’t nearly as big of a deal at Ellamore as football was.And Aspen was actually one of my professors, responsible for giving me my literature grade.The media would make a hell of a lot bigger deal out of us than they would from some coach/player relationship.And it’d all fall back on her.She’d get the heat, the dirty names, the ruined future.She’d get everything, while I’d get off scot-free.
No matter how much I wanted her, no matter how amazing she made me feel, I couldn’t do that to her.The sacrificing part was all hers, not mine.
I hated that.
Taking a physical step back, I nodded my understanding and relinquished my fight to try to keep her.But God, it sliced me in two to let that hope go.
“Here’s your tab, Dr.Kavanagh.”Lowe appeared beside me, already back from his kitchen trip.
I knew he was probably trying to be helpful because he’d seen everything that had just happened.But his actions irritated me.I didn’t want anyone to know what was going on between us.And even more, I didn’t want him to realize how much this fucking hurt.Showing my vulnerabilities pissed me off.I wanted to ball my hand into a fist and punch Lowe in the face.Actually, any kind of violence to get this clawing sensation out of my chest would do.And since he was handy...
Aspen sputtered, her face coloring as she blinked at him.“You know...you know who I am?”
“My girlfriend and I take World Masterpieces,” he explained.Then he shrugged and gave her a bashful smile.“You’re actually her favorite teacher.”
She paled, but nodded and tried to smile back as she handed him a twenty to pay.
Lowe turned toward the cash register and sent me a glance as he did.But his gaze was unreadable, and I felt abandoned as he turned away.
Though Aspen stood just on the other side of the bar, she was suddenly unreachable.
We didn’t speak as we waited for Lowe to return with her change.And we didn’t look at each other.I watched her from the corner of my eye as she hugged her purse to her breasts.I folded my arms over my chest, frustrated because I could do nothing to fix this.
Lowe returned too soon.Now Aspen would leave.My mind whirled to come up with the perfection solution to fix this, but I had nothing.
