Page 53 of The Twelve Days of Christian
My parents weren’tbadparents. Just absent ones. Career focused, sometimes I felt they cared more about other people’s kids than their own. Both are so proud of the difference they’ve made in the schools they’ve led. But I still wonder what it might have been like to come home to our own house after school, instead of to Sam’s.
Her mother, Wendy, cared for Ollie and me from the time we were both small, while Mum and Dad worked their way up to higher positions and more prestigious schools. Once we were school-aged, it was Wendy who dropped us there each morning, picked us up at the end of the day, took Ollie to all his music classes, got us to swimming lessons, even signed the trip permission notes.
It’s why Sam is like a sister to us. It’s at her house I fell under the spell of dogs, with the family’s ever present floppy-eared spaniels. It’s there I learned about rescue when Wendy opened up their home to foster pups. Where I learned to bake cookies and cakes, and decorate Christmas trees.
But it’s also why I was the pathetic kid, trying to get my parents’ attention the only way I knew how, desperate to please, never wanting to put a foot wrong. In many ways, I’m still that kid.
“Really?” Christian is naturally curious. It’s understandable given the glowing impression Mum and Dad made on everyone behind the scenes ofStar Power. It’s only in recent years, now they’ve clawed their way to the top of the heap, that they have more time for us, like when Ollie was on the show. Or at big moments in his music career since. They came to my graduation. It’s kind of sad—here they are, available now when we’re grown adults, yet they weren’t when we needed them most. I love my parents. They love me. However, I don’t seek to imitate them.
“Really,” I sigh. “From the time I was a few months old, Sam’s mum cared for me while Mum went back to work. Ollie was the same. At least it was a family situation, a good one. We were happy there.”
“So the ninja nurse is practically your sister. Now I get why she slammed me so damn hard.”
I nod up at him, biting at my lip. We’re on difficult ground here, but now I’ve started, I can’t stop.
“Sam and her parents will always stand up for me. Not like my own.” The bitter words tumble out. I can’t forgive them for the Jack situation. “They’ve done some pretty shitty things lately, to be honest.”
I don’t plan to belittle my parents, but today, with the hurt of Jack so close to the surface and Christian’s piercing gaze upon me, I give in. Outside their stuffy schools, no longer wearing their serious head teacher faces, they’re a likeable pair. And they like people too. Which is part of the problem. Even now, Mum and Dad still see the good in Jack. It’s as if having scooped him into our family like a second son, they can’t bear to let him go. I bet they sent a wedding present, thinking it’s the polite thing to do.
Christian’s questioning expression, curiosity and confusion mingling in his eyes, and the knowledge he cares, invites my confession.
“Mum and Dad loved Jack. They’re disappointed we broke up. There’s always this unspoken accusation—” I gulp a breath, like I’m bobbing in rough water, about to go under. “Like I did something to cause it—” I struggle to the surface and grab another half breath-half sob. “And it pisses me off.”
Christian narrows his eyes. “It should. That wasnotyour fault, Haley.” It comes out as a low growl. With a few words, I’ve knocked my parents off their lofty pedestal in his eyes, at least.
“I know.” I choke back the emotion. “I know.”
It’s easy to say, hard to believe, even though I know in my heart Jack’s cheating wasn’t my fault. Although my parents’ attitude towards him might be. They don’t know all the details; it was just too damn humiliating. Only Ollie knows the truth of it, and I convinced him to say nothing; that it would only hurt me more. Sometimes his need to protect me is helpful.
“God, I’m tired.” I change the subject, lean my head back against his shoulder, stretching into a yawn. I’m not sure if it’s my theatrics, or Christian’s perceptiveness; he can see I’m not up for any more of thisconversation. Either way, it works.
“Bedtime?” he says, drawing his legs from around me. “I’ll put the girls out.”
The quiet way Christian has insinuated his way into my life as an equal partner still baffles me. I’m not used to someone stepping up to take on a share of all the small, mundane tasks. During the sixteen months I was with Jack, and especially the nine we lived together, he never thought to lift a finger with domestic stuff.
He considered himself generous; and money-wise he was, recognising the huge disparity in our incomes by adjusting my share of the rent in proportion. Perhaps he considered all the cooking and cleaning, shopping and taking out the trash, my contribution to the shortfall. If that was the case, I suppose it was fair enough, but we never talked about it. We didn’t have an agreement, simply his assumption. That should have been a red flag.
I wait at my bedroom door until the dogs arrive back with a draught of frigid air and a rattle of claws. Christian locks the back door and pauses in the hallway, my room to the right, his to the left. A fork in the road. Which path will we take?
We stand, his stormy eyes searching mine as if seeking my answer to the unspoken question hanging between us. Last night, although it was on a couch, I had the best night’s sleep in ages. I want Christian to join me in my room, in my bed. Going slow doesn’t mean we can’t sleep together. Just sleep, like last night; clothing and a commitment to not messing up this thing, standing chastely between us and the lust that still fizzes invisibly beneath the surface.
Again, it’s the small things I crave. Not that I can deny the rush of heat between my legs at the possibility of rampant sex with Christian. But it’s the warm comfort of his presence, soothing away all those crappy images of Jack and Paige that haunted my day, that Iseek first. I stretch out a hand, and he takes it. I don’t want to let it go, or let him go. Heading to my room alone, I know in the dark, the hurt will stalk me. I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. So I take a chance.
“Will you…sleep with me—just sleep?” I venture. “After today…those pictures.” As if the photographs are there hanging in the hallway, taunting me, I close my eyes.
“Of course,” he says, squeezing my hand and tugging me close. “As long as you promise not to jump me while I’m asleep.”
His low chuckle is seductive, and I look up into blue eyes, sparking with mischief. Like jumping on him is exactly what he’d like me to do.
And I’m sure I’d like to as well. Before Loreena’s big reveal, I spent almost a week with Christian, oblivious to him as more than my brother’s friend, and possibly my friend, too. But I won’t deny that during that week, there were plenty of times when his attractive body so close to me did what it would do to any girl with eyes and a beating heart. Now, knowing Christian has these feelings for me has torn away all caution. My mind and my heart want to trust what he says, and my body sees that as permission to open the floodgates, sending jolts of electricity through my core at the thought of taking this thing further physically.
Heat rises in my face, and my laugh comes out shaky. My over-eagerness last night is still coming back to bite me.
“Would you feel safer with a pillow wall?” I tease, trying to cover my awkwardness at the memory. My eyes dip low, darting away from his gaze.
“Don’t be silly,” he says, his hand tipping my chin up. “Haley, I was only joking. Do you really think I’d pass up the opportunity tospend the night in your bed?” He dots a kiss on my lips and pulls me into a hug. It feels like home, his arms wrapping me like this, so safe. “That’s if there’s room for us as well as them?”
Behind me, the dogs have barged open my door and settled themselves onto one side of the bed.
