Page 108 of Ruthless Savior
In that moment, watching him try to fix this to the best of his ability, pulling every string to take care of my mom, taking care ofme, all I can think isI love him.I love this man, who, despite what he is, is somehow the kindest and most generous person I’ve ever known.
I’m emotional,I think dimly.I’m not thinking straight.
“Why have you done all of this?” I ask suddenly, when he’s finished and hangs up the phone. “Really, why? We’ve cost you so much money and time, and trouble. Your relationship with your father has suffered; Rocco’s attacks have gotten worse. You could have taken him out sooner if not for me. I’ve upended your life, and now you’re having a child with me that you didn’t ask for, and you’ve never gotten angry with me. You’ve never acted like it was my fault or like we’re a burden to you.”
He’s quiet for a long moment before he sets down the phone and crosses the room to me, kneeling down in front of me so that we’re eye level. He reaches out, brushing a thumb beneath my eye, and tips my chin up so that I’m looking at him.
“I told you why I didn’t leave you, Leila. And I helped you and your mother because I didn’t want to see you hurt. I didn’t want to see you afraid when I could fix it. And I wanted you to be able to accept my protection without being afraid for your mother. And then—” He takes a breath. “The truth is, Leila, the longer you’ve been here, the more I can’t imagine the day when you’re not. I spent years thinking that I could live without companionship and desire and laughter and conversation, and now I don’t know how I ever lived that way. And I’m dreading the day that you leave. But because I—” He breaks off, swallowing hard. “I can’t ask you to commit yourself to a life you never asked for just because of how having you with me has made me feel. And I’m willing to make sure I keep you and our child safe no matter what we are to each other, so that you can live whatever life you want.”
I stare at him, trying to absorb everything he’s just said. It's not quite a declaration of love, but it's close. Close enough to make my heart race and break at the same time.
But I can’t focus long enough to think about it—to decide how it makes me feel or what I want to say. And I know right now isthe wrong time to say anything that could change the trajectory of my life with or without Ronan.
“I need my mom,” I whisper. “I want to be with her right now. She’s going to wake up and be scared; she needs someone with her?—”
"I know. And when this is over, when Rocco is no longer a threat, you will—or when she can come back home, whichever is sooner. But right now, the safest thing for everyone is for you to stay here while she gets the best care money can buy."
I nod, because I know he's right, even though it feels like I'm abandoning her.
“Come downstairs with me,” Ronan says after a moment. “I’m going to make some more calls. Mrs. O’Brien will get you tea, and I’ll make a fire, and we’ll wait for news.
I nod, reaching for another tissue. “Okay,” I whisper weakly, and Ronan helps me up, leading me downstairs to the sitting room.
He doesn’t leave my side for hours as he makes calls and we drink tea and wait for updates on my mom’s condition. He doesn't try to distract me with empty reassurances or false hope. He just stays, solid and warm andthere, letting me fall apart when I need to.
It’s after midnight when we get a call from the hospital. “She’s still not able to talk on the phone yet,” Ronan tells me. “But she’s stable. They’re starting an aggressive treatment, and she’s responding well to what they’ve done so far.”
I nod, fresh tears welling in my eyes as he sits down and puts an arm around me. "Thank you. For all of this."
He leans over, kissing me gently on the temple. "You don't need to thank me."
“This isn’t your responsibility?—”
“This became my responsibility the moment I married you." His lips brush the top of my head. "And it’ll be my responsibility for as long as you need it to.”
My breath catches at the implication—that he wants me to stay, that Icouldstay, that we could try to make this work, together. But my chest feels tight, thinking of the danger that comes with it. The future where his world will always be a violent place for me and our child to exist in.
Can I have him and be safe?I wonder, as I lean into his warmth.Can I have love and safety here, with him?
“You were supposed to leave tonight.” I sniff, dragging a hand over my eyes, and he shakes his head.
“I’m not going anywhere until the morning. I’m not going to leave you tonight, while things are like this.”
And as he says it, I can’t help but wish that in that case, morning wouldn’t come.
That we could stay like this, without having to make a choice yet, for longer than the few hours left to us.
27
RONAN
I'm pulled from sleep by the sound that every man in my position learns to fear—the sharp crack of gunfire cutting through the night. My body reacts before my mind fully processes what's happening, sitting up with a jolt as I listen keenly for another sound.
Leila stirs beside me, her voice sleepy as she speaks. We finally went to bed after one in the morning, when she was too exhausted to stay awake any longer. "Ronan? What was that?"
"Stay down." I'm already moving, rolling out of bed and grabbing a gun from the nightstand drawer. "Get in the bathroom and lock the door."
There are more gunshots, closer now, followed by shouting. Male voices, speaking rapid Italian. My blood turns to ice.
