Page 57 of Ruthless Savior
This wouldn't be a real marriage, I tell myself. It would be protection, pure and simple. A business arrangement with benefits for both of us. But it would also mean sleeping with him. It would mean touching him again, letting him touch me. It would mean his mouth on mine, again.
And this time, he wouldn’t stop.
I could have him for a little while. I could experience what it would be like to be his, not completely, but temporarily.
I can’t shake the guilt I feel for wanting this, for thinking I could find some enjoyment in this experience when it’s been so traumatic for me, for my mother. I’ve upended Ronan’s life and forced him into this position, even if I didn’t mean to involve him. But I can’t help but think that while I don’t know how I feel about being his wife, I don’t think I’ll mind being in his bed.
I want him. That hasn’t changed.
And tomorrow, I have to decide whether I'm brave enough to marry him.
15
LEILA
By morning, I know what I have to do.
I find Ronan in his study at eight a.m., looking like he hasn't slept either. There are dark circles under his eyes, and his hair is disheveled, like he's been running his hands through it all night. He looks up when I enter, and I can see the tension in every line of his body.
"I'll do it," I say without preamble. "I'll marry you."
The relief that washes over his face is so profound, it takes my breath away. "Leila?—”
"But I have conditions,” I interrupt, before I can lose my nerve. I can feel my heart hammering against my ribs.
His expression becomes guarded. "What kind of conditions?"
"My mother has to be there. At the wedding." I take a deep breath, steeling myself. "If I'm doing this, if I'm becoming your wife, even temporarily, then she needs to meet you. She needs to know who I'm marrying."
I can see the instant resistance to the idea in his face. "That's not safe. Bringing her here, having her involved?—"
"Then we don't get married." I cross my arms, trying to project a confidence I don't entirely feel. "Those are my terms, Ronan. My mother is there, or I walk away."
He studies my face for a long moment, clearly weighing the risks. "She needs to be kept in the dark about the real reasons for this. Tell her what you want, make up whatever, but you can’t tell her about Rocco, or the threats to your safety. She needs to know as little as possible for her own personal safety.”
I nod quickly, although I hate the idea of lying to my mother. I’ll think of some way to explain it, though. I just can’t imagine a wedding without her there, even if it’s not a permanent marriage. "I understand that."
"And after the wedding, she goes back home with additional security. She can't stay here."
I take a deep, relieved breath. "I wouldn't ask her to."
He nods slowly. "Anything else?"
"I want to pick out my own dress. And I want to see my friend Alicia. I want her to come with me." The words come out in a rush. "I know you said it wasn't safe, but if we're getting married anyway, if I'm about to become your wife, then surely I can have one normal experience before my entire life changes."
Ronan is quiet for so long that I start to think he's going to refuse. Then he surprises me.
"We can arrange something. You’ll have heavy security, of course, and the environment will be controlled. But Leila—" His voice becomes deadly serious. "You have to be extremely careful about what you say to her. One slip, one mention of the real reason for this marriage, and you could put her in danger." He pauses. “And your life isn’t going to change forever. This is temporary. But I understand that you only get married for the first time once, even if the situation is… unconventional.” He gives me a tired smile before his expression turns serious again.“You have to obey your security team. Do what they say at all times.”
I nod quickly. "I understand."
"Do you? Because the only reason I'm agreeing to this is that we're about to be married. Once you're my wife, the rules change. But until then, you're still vulnerable. And so is anyone connected to you. I can make this safe for you, but only if you play by the rules."
I bite my lip, feeling the responsibility that this puts on me if I want my best friend there. If I want my mother there. Every choice I make, every word I speak, could have consequences for the people I love. I’m not going to do anything that could put them in more danger.
"I'll be careful," I promise, and I mean it.
Ronan nods, his eyes never leaving mine. "You'd better be. Because if something happens to your friend because you slip up, I'll never forgive myself. And neither will you."
