Page 61 of Ruthless Savior
My throat tightens at the need to, once again, lie to my friend.Happydoesn’t begin to come into play here. I’m not happy with being away from my mother, or mostly confined to Ronan’s house—expansive and luxurious as it is—or being forced into marriage to avoid a much worse fate.
But I am happy that I’m not dead. That I’m not in a cage, or trapped in some other mansion right now, with someone who paid an obscene amount of money to ‘own’ me. I’m happy that my mother is provided for. And I’m happy that, if all of this was going to happen, at least the man who found me seems to be a somewhat good man.
“Yes,” I say finally, and I hope it sounds like I’m telling the truth.
Alicia nods, and I can see that she's still worried, but she's trying to be supportive. "Then I'm happy for you." I can tell she means it, too, which only further tightens the knot in my stomach.
Catherine comes back with a selection of veils, including the one designed to go with the dress—a cathedral-length veil with a fingertip-length blusher, all of it edged in a thick band of lace that matches the lace on the gown. It’s a no-brainer—both Alicia and I immediately know it’s the one, and I try not to wince when I find out that the veil costs five figures.
“We’ll charge it to the card on file that your fiancé gave me this morning. The dress will be ready and delivered to you, along with the veil, tomorrow evening,” Catherine informs me as she hands me the receipt. I see Alicia glance at the number at the bottom, her eyes bugging out slightly as she does.
Alicia looks at me as I step away from the register. “So day after tomorrow, you’re getting married. This is really happening."
"This is really happening," I repeat, and the reality of it hits me all over again. I feel cold and hot all over, nervous and nauseated with anxiety, and I suddenly want to be outside, if only to breathe in the bracing cold air and be out of the small, warm shop. “Can you get a ride home?” I ask. “I can ask Finn if?—”
Alicia shakes her head. “Sorry, but I’ve had all I can take of the men in black, I think.” She pauses, biting her lip as we step outside. I can see Finn waiting at the door, looking at me with disapproval. We've been here longer than the allotted time, and I know he's anxious to get me back to the safety of the mansion.
Alicia turns to me. "I know you can't tell me everything," she says quietly, "but promise me something."
I nod, hoping it’s something Icanpromise. "What?"
"Promise me you'll be careful. This whole situation feels dangerous. The security, the secrecy, the rushed wedding… just promise me you'll be smart."
I bite my lip and nod. “I promise,” I tell her, and I mean it. I’m trying to do exactly that, and I wish that I could tell her the truth—all of it. Maybe one day I’ll be able to.
Alicia reaches out to hug me goodbye. "I love you," she says fiercely. "And I want you to be happy. If this man makes you happy, then I'm glad you found him, even if the circumstances are weird."
I feel tears prick at my eyes, wishing I could tell her honestly that Ronan means something more to me than just a place of safety. That this was about love, a whirlwind romance, and not trying to stitch together a life that’s fallen apart. "I love you too," I tell her, holding her tight. "Thank you for coming with me today. It meant everything to have you there."
"I wouldn't have missed it," she laughs, sniffing back tears of her own. "Your first wedding dress shopping trip? I'd have been there even if I had to fight through an army of men in suits."
I laugh despite myself. "You kind of did."
I watch as she tugs her coat around herself and goes to call an Uber, feeling a pang of longing for my old life, for the simplicity of having coffee with my best friend without armed guards and complicated secrets that I can’t share with anyone. Finn ushers me into the car, and I lean my head against the window, thinking about the dress waiting for me in the boutique. I wonder what Ronan will think when he sees me in that dress. I wonder if he'll look at me the way he did that night when he almost kissed me, or if he'll remember that this is all just for show, just a business arrangement to keep me safe.
The day after tomorrow, I'll be Mrs. Ronan O'Malley, at least on paper. A shiver runs down my spine, cold prickling over my skin, and I wonder if it’s fear or anticipation of what comes after—of what the wedding night will bring.
I think it might be both.
16
LEILA
The morning of my wedding dawns gray and cold, with the kind of damp December chill that seeps into your bones and stays there. I wake up in the bed that still doesn’t feel like mine, staring at the ceiling and trying to process that in a few hours, I'll be married to a man I met two weeks ago.
My mom is down the hall. She arrived last night, the first time I’ve seen her since I left the house that night after Thanksgiving to beg for more time from Neil. She started crying the moment Finn gently escorted her into the house, and she saw me, and we hugged for what felt like a very long time, both of us crying as Ronan and Finn waited at a respectful distance.
Ronan introduced himself to my mom as my fiancé, and she thanked him for everything he’d been doing to take care of her—and me—but I could tell she had questions. So many questions, none of which have been answered yet, because she was too tired to talk for very long last night.
She looked healthier, though. It’s clear the treatments are working, that she’s getting better, even if she’s not in remission yet. Ronan and I showed her to the guest room down the hall from mine, as if we were showing my mom to her room inourhouse instead of his. It felt strange, and I could tell that it did to him, too, even if he didn’t say anything.
Ida brought her a cup of tea, and we sat by the window overlooking the snowy grounds for a few minutes. I could see the worry and confusion on my mom’s face, but all she asked me was if I was sure. I told her that I was, and she let it go at that.
I have a feeling there will be more questions later, maybe even this morning. I don’t know how there could not be—from the outside looking in, especially from my mother’s viewpoint, I can imagine how all of this seems.
Everything feels like a whirlwind. Alicia and Ronan’s sister, Annie, are supposed to be helping me get ready this morning. I planned for my mom and me to have breakfast in her room, and then once they arrive, I asked Ida to show them to my mom’s room, where I planned on getting ready so that she wouldn’t have to move around too much until it’s time to go to the church. I feel fidgety and nervous, and I force myself out of bed, padding to the ridiculously luxurious bathroom to shower and wash my hair.
Thirty minutes later, I stare at the package sitting in my top dresser drawer, one that I asked Catherine at the bridal boutique to source and send to me. I needed something to go under my wedding dress, but I had no idea what, and the idea of telling Ronan I needed to go online to order overnight bridal lingerie made me feel like my head was going to explode. So I asked her to pick something basic and appropriate for the dress and charge it, then expedite it to me.
