Page 62 of Ruthless Savior
Apparently, that’s a perfectly normal thing to do when you have immense amounts of money.
Now I’m looking at a smooth, white silk strapless bustier and a white silk thong with a tiny heart cutout at the back. My cheeks burn just looking at it, knowing Ronan is going to see this on me later. It feels like a massive leap from him storming out of thelibrary after kissing me. He hasn’t touched me since then, hasn’t done more than look at me before quickly tearing his eyes away, and tonight…
Tonight he’s going to know me more intimately than anyone else ever has. The thought makes me shiver, my skin prickling and my core warming, and I feel a surge of that nervous energy again. This feels insane, like it can’t possibly all be happening, but it is.
I slip into the bustier, turning it so I can close the hook and eye strip all the way up, and then turn it and tug it up over my small breasts, smoothing it so that everything lies in place. I slip the silk thong on, wondering if I made the right choice by shaving everything this morning. I don’t know what Ronan likes, so I made a guess.
Does it matter what he likes?I shake my head at myself, trying to clear it. We’ll have sex tonight because it’s a requirement to make the marriage legal. It has nothing to do with passion or lust, and if Ronan and I both want each other, that will just make this all easier. This is a business transaction, not a seduction. I don’t need to worry about any of that.
I find the thick, fluffy bathrobe hanging in my closet and tug it on, wrapping the tie tightly around my waist before I head down the hall to my mom’s room, thankfully not seeing any sign of Ronan along the way. My mom is already awake, sitting in the armchair next to the window, and I see that Ida has already brought her some tea.
“Ida will bring breakfast up soon,” I say as I walk in, and my mom looks up, a smile on her lips.
“What a wild sentence,” she says with a small laugh. “I can see why you might want to stay, Leila. This place is beautiful. And breakfast being brought to you! What a luxury.”
“It is beautiful,” I admit, sitting down in the chair across from her. I feel too anxious to sit still, but I want to spend this timewith my mom. I don’t know when I’ll get to see her again after today.
She looks so much better than she did a week ago—the new treatments Ronan arranged have brought color back to her cheeks and strength back to her voice. But her eyes are worried as she studies my face.
"Are you sure about this?" she asks for what has to be the tenth time since I told her about the wedding yesterday, on a quick call before following up with telling her that Ronan’s security would be coming to pick her up and bring her to the mansion to stay overnight before the wedding… which was happening the next day. "Really, truly sure?"
I swallow hard before giving her the same answer that I gave her last night, and on the call before that. "Yes, Mom. I'm sure."
"But you've only known him for two weeks. And you won't tell me anything about how you met, or why you're really doing this, or..." She trails off, frustration clear in her voice. "I feel like I don't understand anything that's happening." She wraps her hands around her cup of tea, worry clear in her eyes. “None of this is like you, Leila. You’re not spontaneous or reckless. Is this because of my getting sick? Is it some kind of psychological thing? Living in the moment because of an awareness of mortality, or… something?”
“No! Oh my god, mom, no. Please don’t think it’s because of you. It’s not. I haven’t lost my mind, I promise. And I know this isn’t like me, I really do. Trust me, I think about it all the time.” I reach for her hands, guilt twisting in my stomach. "I know this is confusing. I know I can't explain everything the way you want me to. But I need you to trust me, okay? I'm not doing anything I don't want to do."
She searches my face. "Are you in love with him?"
The question catches me off guard, but it makes sense. The whirlwind romance was what I pitched to Alicia, after all. "I… that's not really what this is about."
"Then what is it about?" She leans forward. "Leila, people don't get married after two weeks unless they're madly in love or there's something else going on. And since you're telling me it's not love..." She narrows her eyes. “Are you pregnant? Because there are other solutions.”
“No.” I shake my head quickly. “We haven’t even done… that, yet.” My cheeks color as I look down at our joined hands, trying to figure out how to explain without revealing too much. "Sometimes people get married for practical reasons. For… mutual benefit."
"An arranged marriage? Is that what’s going on here?" She sounds surprised. "In this day and age?"
"Not arranged, exactly. But not a love match either. More… convenience. God, I don’t think that’s the right word for it either. Circumstance, maybe. It’s for both our good. Mine and Ronan’s." I meet her eyes. "Does that bother you?"
She's quiet for a moment, considering. "I don’t know,” she says finally. “It’s never come up before, but… your grandmother’s marriage was arranged.”
“Really?” I look at her with surprise. “I didn’t know that.”
Mom nods. “Your grandfather had a means of getting a job here in Boston. Our family was struggling to make ends meet during the Troubles back then. Your grandmother was the youngest, and she saw a way to take some of the pressure off of the family. She and your grandfather were friends, and they agreed to get married so that she could come with him. They would both be able to work in Boston then, they reasoned, and send more money back home. They cared about each other’s well-being, and it felt like the right thing to do.” She pauses for amoment, thinking. “She told me once that love came later, after years of building a life together."
“So they were in love? Eventually?”
"Oh yes.” My mom smiles. “By the end, they were devoted to each other. But it started as pure practicality." She squeezes my hands. "Is that what this is? Practicality?"
I bite my lip. It’s not thewrongword to describe it, exactly. "Something like that."
"And you're comfortable with that? Marrying someone you don't love?" She lets out a breath. “I don’t like this for you. I’ll be honest. It’s every grandparent and parent’s hope that their children and grandchildren live better lives than they did. This feels like going backwards. Like you’re giving up something for… what, exactly? Is it the money, Leila? Do you just want to not have to worry about it any longer?”
I swallow hard. “I made a mistake, Mom. I took out a bad loan. And Ronan has helped me. I can’t talk about the consequences of it or what happened… I really, really can’t. But this is part of fixing all of that. I’m willing to do it. And he’s taking care of me. Of you. He’s taking care of all of the things that made me take out that loan in the first place. He’s been incredibly generous to both of us. Ineedto do this."
My mom frowns. "Generous enough to make this worth it? Even if love never comes?"
I draw in a slow breath. I can’t tell her that the marriage is temporary, that love willnevercome because we won’t be together long enough to change the circumstances of our marriage… even if that were ever going to be possible. “I’m grateful for what he’s done. And I’m satisfied with what this marriage means. I really am. No one is forcing me to do this.”
