Page 19 of Won't Let Go
They do? Since when?
He continues, “You’ve been dealing with a lot since… well... you know… To give him some place to unwind, I bring Hunter here.”
I frown. “How did I not know this?”
“Depression and anxiety can steal a lot from a person. Including time.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I did.”
“When?”
“Here and there. Whenever I’d drop food off and Hunter was sad, I’d take him for a while. We’d grab a bite and play some games to take his mind off stuff.”
Oh.
I don’t know what to say to that. Sure, Josh has always been around. Even when Hunter was little, he played with him all the time. He was there when I taught Hunter how to ride a bike. He and Loretta were his cheering section. Every year, when they started school around the same time, he had a little something for Hunter on his first day. For kindergarten, it was one of those plastic toy dinosaurs. In second grade, it was a light-up yo-yo. After he graduated, he still showed up for the first day of school. While I don’t remember every year, I remember most, which is why I don’t understand why I don’t remember this.
Swallowing an entire boatful of mother guilt, I massage the tension building in my temples. “Me. You took him to get his mind off me.”
“Not exactly,” Josh hedges and cuffs his hand around the back of my neck.
I hang my head. “I’ve been a terrible mom.”
Josh squeezes my nape gently and pulls me against him, forcing me to rest my head on his shoulder. “No. You haven’t. You’re healing.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t know,” I mutter to myself, horrified that I could have just forgotten. My son was gone, and I didn’t know where he was.
Pressing his lips to my hair, Josh kisses me there. “It’s okay. Hunter’s solid.”
Emotions clog my throat. “Be-because of you.”
“Not just me.” Josh’s arm spans my shoulders, keeping me locked to his side. His warm breath heats my head as he speaks. “He wouldn’t be like he is if he didn’t have a good foundation. Just remember that.”
“I…”
He jostles me gently. “Don’t. Please don’t. If I can get past my mother being a shit mom, and still love her, and all that stuff,he won’t hold what happened to you against you. Healing isn’t some destination. We’ve talked about it a lot. He understands.”
He does?
“You’ve talked about it a lot?” I whisper in shock.
“Yeah. I check in with him every day.”
“Even this week?”
Josh chuckles warmly, as if he finds my questions cute, not intrusive. “Yep. Even this week.”
And they didn’t tell me that either?
“Does he text back?” I ask, knowing how Hunter is with me. Unless it’s some hot girl or his buddies he plays video games with, he doesn’t care to text.
“If I text, yes. If I call, he picks up.”
My eyes round. “You call him?”
“Why do you sound so surprised?” Josh chuckles.
