Page 28 of Won't Let Go
Because I did this to him.
If I didn’t scream, he wouldn’t have come in to sleep with me. I don’t know what’s up with my brain lately. It has never been this bad before. Then again, I don’t remember the terror or the nightmares. I don’t remember taking my clothes off.
To repair this weirdness between us, I bump Josh’s bare toes with mine under the table. He jerks, and the raspy gasp he emits is pornographic.
Our eyes meet across the table, and my heart ratchets up my throat as butterflies go berserk in my belly. Goosebumps flare across my arms.
Biting his bottom lip, Josh’s nostrils flare. “Jade.”
“Will you do that thing?” I ask and carefully set my spoon down, so I don’t drop it.
“Do what?”
“Touch me… there.” I flick my gaze down to my… ya know.
The sexiest groan rumbles in his throat. “Just so we’re on the same page, you’re asking me to go down on you?”
Clasping my hands in my lap, I gather the courage to say it. To just… give in. “Maybe…” I squeak. “No… Yes…” I clear my throat, and on a nod, a firm, “Yes,” makes an appearance.
“You want me to put my tongue in your pussy?” Josh licks his spoon clean like he’s picturing doing just that, and I catch fire, squirming in my seat.
“Josh.” I stare in wide-eyed wonder at the utensil, and he smirks as his tongue slides over the edge.
“What?” he rasps. “I need to know exactly what you’re asking of me.”
Swallowing hard, I force myself to speak. “I’ve only had it twice.”
“Ever?”
“Y-yes.”
“How did I not know this?”
“Because we don’t talk about sex.” Ever.
Josh sets the spoon on the table. “Well, we damn well better start now. Christ, only twice?”
“Don’t make it sound so bad. I don’t date. You know I don’t. I… I know I’m old and it might be gross…” What if they tainted me down there? What if it’s… revolting?
Josh slams his hand on the table, making me and the silverware jump. “Don’t you ever say that about yourself again. It’s not gross.”
“It… it could be. Who knows what it looks like after those men…” I shrug, trying hard not to think about it and failing. They tore me open. I didn’t see a doctor for it. They didn’t let me. It feels normal when I wash, but I haven’t spent much time inspecting it. I haven’t had the heart to.
Josh’s gaze softens around the edge. “Babe, I’m sure it’s perfect.”
“If it’s not, can you tell me?”
“You’re sure you really want to do it?”
“Sometime. Yes. I want to try. If you’re okay with that. You don’t think your mom will be pissed if she finds out, right? I should probably talk to her.” It’s not every day that you let your best friend’s son touch your pussy. There’s a rulebook somewhere that probably says as much.
“What happens between us is none of my mom’s business. Whether she’s your best friend or not, this is us. Not her.”
I bob my head. “Right. You’re probably right. I just don’t want her pissed at me.”
“She won’t be.”
“Promise?”
