Page 65 of My Brother's Best Men
I think about telling him no. I should really tell him no, to be honest.
But a part of me also knows this is what we need. To clear the air. Maybe acknowledge things and move on.
But do I want to move on?
I certainly don’t want to go back to the way things were, where we didn’t talk. Where I didn’t have my best friend.
“Yeah, I guess.”
He nods for me to follow him inside. The bar is in full swing, as is the dance floor. We order a glass of wine each, but opt to hang out at one of the high tables when a couple leaves.
“So what is it you wanted to talk about?” I ask, sipping my wine. I’ve barely had any alcohol today, since what happened last night with Benny has been weighing on me. Though, I was sober tonight when I kissed Matthew. When I went down on him…
I still can’t believe I did that. And outside, where anyone could see no less! What was I thinking?
The moment was hot as hell, and it wasn’t just because IknewI was his first, though that notion definitely didn’t sour matters either.
“Why did we stop talking?” he asks, and I tense immediately.
“Elijah…”
“Was it something I did or said, Soph? Please, just tell me, because I’ve missed you so fucking much and if there’s something I can do to?—”
I hold my hand up. “It wasn’tyou,” I say. “I mean, it was….but…it wasn’t anything you did tome.”
Elijah sips his wine, moving closer to me. So close I can smell his spicy scent that’s so comforting and sweet. So familiar and addicting. Like an idiot, I breathe it in. Breathehimin.
“Whatever it was, I’m sorry,” he says, and his words are genuine. I shake my head, because he says it so easily. So genuinely, like he really is sorry for just being him.
For being hot and attractive and a magnet for beautiful women.
“Don’t do that,” I say. “Don’t apologize when you don’t even know?—”
“It doesn’t matter,” he says. “Whatever it is, if it made you want to stop talking to me, I’m so fucking sorry.”
I drain my drink as I turn away. “This was a bad idea. All of it.”
I push away from the table as the band starts to play something slow and moody. I think it sounds familiar but I can’t place it. I make it as far as the dance floor before I feel him.
“Sophie,” he says, grabbing my wrist. His warm touch on my skin soothes the storms and dredges up all the debris at the same time. “Sophie, stop, please…”
He tugs on my wrist, pulling me back to him. And like the magnet he is, I fall into his gravitational pull so easily it should be a crime.
Maybe it’s because my life is falling apart. Or maybe it’s because ever since I’ve gotten here, I haven’t been able to keep from spiraling out, but whatever it is, I blame it for the reason I turn around and meet his gaze.
My eyes water as all the memories hit me. Those pictures I couldn’t stop looking at. Those nights I cried wishing I were them. The woman he was smiling with in the pictures.
The memories of the fantasies I used to torture myself with unleash themselves without warning, mingling with the memories of all the nights we spent together. Nights where all I wanted to do was kiss him. Touch him. Give myself to him.
I didn’t wait like Matthew did. I lost my virginity at a party after I saw Elijah kissing another girl. I thought it would help me forget him, but…
Nothing would ever make me forget Elijah Brecker.
“Sophie…I love you.”
His words stop me like ice.
I shake my head, because he’s told me a hundred times he loves me. Not in the way I’ve ever wanted to hear it, but…
