Page 73 of Electric Blue Love
Her hands shook a little more as she considered his offer and asked the next question. “That sounds great, but also expensive. Will our insurance cover the therapy?”
He swallowed, and I could tell he chose his words carefully as he said, “Everything is covered. You’ll just need to fill out some paperwork relieving the hospital and myself of any liability, standard forms but I do urge you to read over it all carefully. Especially what will be expected of you and what benefits you may gain. I’m not going to lie to you, it will be hard and frustrating and if you feel like giving up now, well it’s just a fraction of what you can expect the first month or two. I will push you to do things you probably haven’t tried to do in some time.”
He smiled and patted her hand before dropping it back gently onto the bed. He let his gaze roam around the room to each of us. “I’m sure you’ll come up with a number of questions after I’ve left… feel free to call me at any time. Meanwhile, I’ll get you on the schedule.”
With a curt nod, he turned to leave.
My mother, father, and brothers exchanged hopeful smiles, but the lump in my throat wouldn’t allow me to celebrate just yet.
“Be right back,” I said to my mother as I dropped a kiss to her temple.
I jogged after him, catching him just as he reached the nurse’s station down the hall.
“Dr. Sterling?” I said as I stopped behind him.
He turned and smiled, giving me the polite grin I assumed he used on all patients and families. It wasn’t insincere, just reserved. “What can I do for you Miss Winters?”
“I wanted to thank you for coming so soon. I didn’t realize Todd even knew of my mother’s accident yet. I left in a rush Friday night,” I rambled as I wrung my hands in front of me.
He studied me carefully like he was trying to decipher my words. I wished I’d been less adamant to stay offline. For all I knew, Court had gone nuclear and really outed his father’s secret creating some sort of smear campaign. For just a moment I was grateful he didn’t know my connection to Court, and then ashamed because Court deserved better than that.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be here sooner. I called her doctor this morning to get records and he told me of the accident. I flew in as soon as I could.”
I balked. He’d flown in specifically for my mother?
“Oh,” I said now completely unsure of what to say to this man who I wanted to hate but had dropped everything to come see my mother. “I assumed you’d found out from Todd. I – well, either way, thank you,” I stammered out.
“You’re welcome.”
I walked away in a daze. Confused by how I felt about too many things. Graduation, moving, my mother’s worsening condition, Dr. Sterling being Court’s father but also getting my mom into a program that I was certain wouldn’t be available through any other means – I felt exhausted by the ways my world had been knocked on its axis.
I detoured to the waiting room before going back to my mother’s hospital room and pulled out my cell phone. With shaky hands, I typed in Dr. Callahan Sterling and son into the search browser. I held my breath while the search results loaded, but there wasn’t anything recent in the news. I clicked on the first link which took me to a bio page where a picture of a model-worthy family stared back at me. Dr. Sterling stood next to a regal looking blonde woman and on the other side of him, a girl about sixteen I’d guess with hair as blonde as her mothers and a young man who looked so much like Court my insides hurt. The boy was probably twelve or thirteen by my best guess, still awkward and gangly but there was no doubt he was going to grow up and be as handsome as his father. As handsome as Court.
My heart ached for Court more than ever. What had it felt like to see this picture after years of wondering about his parents? Somehow, I knew he’d assumed that his parents had given him up with the desire not to have kids or a family, but Dr, Sterling had eventually made a family and a name for himself and seemingly never looked back on the son he’d given up when he was a kid.
I clicked through a few more links, a few more pictures of him and his wife at events and news of numerous awards and honors that had been bestowed upon him. I wanted to throw up or call Court.
I tried another search string, Court Adams and Dr. Callahan Sterling. Nothing. Well, thank God for that anyway. Hope surged in my chest. Hope that Court and his father had been able to have a civilized conversation. Hope for my mother. But just as quickly as I allowed myself to look to a positive future, I remembered even if both those things were true, Court and I were apart. The pain on Court’s face had been a white flag. He’d pulled away even as I’d been the one to put the actual distance between us. Still, the ugly truth was that I had walked away. I’d made a stand with confidence that I’d gained from Court himself, but I feared I’d gotten it all terribly wrong. And if I had made the right decision, could my heart ever be pieced back together without Court in my life?
Ireturned toschool the next day. My mother was settled back at home with my father and brothers to look after her and two weeks’ worth of freezer meals friends and neighbors had brought over. It eased some of my guilt for leaving.
My mom assured me she would be fine, that there was no need to hurry back and she’d even pushed me again to reconsider graduate school. I had considered it. I would make more money with a master’s degree to add to my resume, but it all seemed so unimportant now that my mother’s condition was worsening. How many good years did she have left where she would be able to walk, able to talk, able to get out of bed? My throat tightened at the thought of her dependent on a walker or wheelchair. How far off was that?
No. I would not allow myself to throw a pity party. If I expected my mother to keep a positive outlook, I had to, also.
“Wanna have a study night in front of the TV withThe Walking Deadas background noise?” Tasha called from the living room.
“Can’t,” I said from the open bathroom door where I studied my reflection. “I’m meeting Todd at the library. He has notes for our History class.”
I re-did my bun and then reached for my eyeliner. I made the blue line thicker on the top and bottom of my eyes. My gaze landed on the note Court had written on the mirror. I hadn’t been able to force myself to remove his words,Sweet dreams.
Somewhere along the way it had become his signature sign off to me and the words touched something inside of me every time. I shook my head, trying not to dwell on the fact I’d never hear him say those words again. And the blue scrawl on my mirror and the text messages on my phone history were the only proof that it had ever really happened at all. Court had touched so much of my life and yet left so little behind.
I left the bathroom and shoved my textbooks and notebooks into my backpack while avoiding Tasha’s disapproving scowl. She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms waiting for an explanation. I hadn’t told her much about what had gone down between Court and me. I didn’t know how to explain without telling her everything, and everything felt like too much. Like it was Court’s story to share. Leika and I knew, but who else? I frowned as I thought about the people he’d let close to him. Only two. And now only one was still by his side.
“We’re friends and we’re just studying at the library with lots of people and me with mountains of work to do to catch up,” I said as I hefted my bag on to my shoulder.
“Alright,” she said by way of concession, but I knew she wasn’t going to drop it completely until I told her at least some of what had happened. I just hoped by the time she was done being patient it would hurt a little less to talk about.
