Page 83 of Electric Blue Love
“You know how much she means to me. I would do anything for her, would trade everything else for more good days with her and you used that for your own personal revenge.”
“I just wanted to make sure she got the help she needed.”
“It wasn’t your place. Do you know what it was like watching him with her? What it was like seeing my family look at him like he was their savior?”
I paused. I didn’t understand. She’d told me she’d never forgive me if I ruined him. She’d wanted him to be able to help her. I’d helped make sure that happened.
“You said – “
She cut me off again. “I know what I said. And I meant it, I’ll always choose her. She needs me. But I didn’t want him to help, not really. Not after I found out what he did to you.”
The confidence she’d spoken with melted and she leaned into the table, shoulders hunched, and eyes filled with tears. “You pushed him into our lives and I didn’t want him there. I hated him. I still hate him. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I hurt you.”
She sobbed. Big, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. I moved to the chair beside her and wrapped my arms around her. She mumbled into my chest and between the muffled sound and the sobs it came out in incoherent fragments. “Loved…mom… you… hate what he did… you were right… I’m so scared… my mom… my mom… my mom.”
I held her.
I didn’t know what else to do.
We sat like that for a long time. Until the front of my shirt was wet from her tears and her sobs turned to sniffles. I let her pull away first. I didn’t want to let go, but I didn’t have any right to hold her either. She wrapped her arms around herself as if she wanted the comfort of being held but no longer wanted it from me.
With a hesitant hand, I reached for her, the only thing in my life that I was certain of anymore – light and goodness and love. Her eyes closed as my fingers rested on her cheek. She leaned into my touch and it was all the sign I needed from her that we could get through this. I hadn’t lost her, and I was going to do everything in my power to hold on before she was gone forever.
“Let him help her. Let me do this for you, for your family.”
“I can’t. If my mother knew –”
“She doesn’t need to know any of that. All she needs to know is that he’s the best and he’s going to do everything he can to help her.”
“At what cost? I don’t want to hurt you.”
“If he can help your mom then it’ll be worth every day I lived hating him.”
She started crying again and I felt her need to be close, to feel, and I wrapped an arm around the back of her and pulled her into my chest once again. I circled a thumb lazily over her shoulder. The fountain trickled lightly and the sound of horns and traffic from the street carried into the patio, but it was just background noise. My senses were overwhelmed with her. I couldn’t keep my eyes away from her profile – her thin, elegant neck, her black eyelashes fanned out framing her eyes. The warmth of her body pressed against mine and the soft skin under my fingertips. The floral, feminine scent that I’d come to know as hers. And the sound of my heart beat drumming in my ears.
We sat like that until her tears had stopped again. She sighed and pulled away taking a piece of my solitude with her. It was always like this. She took a little piece of me even without trying. Even without me being aware until it was too late.
The sliding door caught our attention and Leo stuck his head out. “We’re gonna cut the pie. Want a piece?”
Bianca looked to me.
“No, thanks. I should get going.”
She shook her head and Leo disappeared back into the house.
I stood, wishing I hadn’t wasted the last two months without her and already thinking ahead to when I might be able to see her again.
“I meant what I said. I’d rather have him help her than live knowing she didn’t have every opportunity possible. Please let him help.”
She nodded and crossed her arms over her stomach. We shuffled to the door and I paused before opening it and losing the privacy we had outside.
“Can I call you later? Take you to lunch or –”
Indecision and worry in her eyes, she peered up at me so innocently and guarded.
“I don’t know. I’ve got a lot going on. Between work and my family –”
“Hey, I get it. You don’t need to rearrange your life for me.”
