Page 64 of The Fadeaway
He takes a drink and then lays his head back. “I wanted to show Christian I could eat a whole pizza by myself and win you one of those stuffed animals from the crane at the pizza place.”
I can’t help but laugh and when I do Joel’s eyes open and he grins up at me. “I’m a grown man, Kitty. I can make decisions on my own. I don’t need you to make them for me based on what you think I want.”
I swallow the lump in my throat because he’s right. Instead of letting him decide, I took away an option and forced his hand.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m not used to people, especially guys, choosing us over parties or whatever. It’s easier to keep people at a distance than to continue to be disappointed.”
I open my eyes to find Joel watching me carefully. Too carefully. Like he can see past my guard.
“Drink your coffee and Christian and I will take you back to your place when he wakes up from his nap.”
I stand and pick up his heavy legs to make room to sit next to him. With little help from him, I manage to get situated with his legs across my thighs. His breathing starts to even out and I lay my head back and close my eyes.
“Hey, Kitty?”
“Hmm?”
“I like you.”
I laugh because he sounds so earnest. I don’t dare meet his gaze though. I’m afraid my feelings will be written all over my face.
“Also, I really want to have sex with you.”
My eyes fly open and I catch the smirk on his face at my surprise. I toss a throw pillow at him and he uses it to cover his eyes right before he falls asleep.
We’re awakened to Christian’s happy squeals. “Joel! Joel! You’re here! Mom look, Joel’s here.”
“Sh–crap,” I exclaim as I try and catch Christian before he hops onto Joel. I don’t succeed, but Joel just laughs as my son jumps on his chest.
“Easy, Joel’s not feeling very well.”
Christian goes quiet for a beat and his sweet face gets serious. “Is that why you couldn’t have pizza with us?”
“Uhh, no. That was my fault, buddy.”
Joel shakes his head as I try and explain, the smallest movement like he doesn’t want Christian to see. “I just had to do a few things first. Sorry, I missed it, little man.”
“We brought the pizza home to eat in bed. Mom’s letting me sleep with her tonight.”
“Well aren’t you a lucky guy,” Joel says and grins at me over Christian’s head.
“Come see my room.” Christian pulls at Joel’s hand and he stands and follows my son across the apartment to his room.
I stand and take the coffee mugs to the sink and rinse them. I can hear Christian pointing out every single item in his room with pride and my heart squeezes at Joel’s patience. Joel makes me want things I have no business wanting from him, but I’m not doing any favors to Christian by keeping people out of his life in the off chance they’ll let us down either.
“Mom, can Joel stay for pizza and a movie?”
Joel stays quiet as Christian pleads with big brown eyes.
“Sure he can. Do you feel up to it?” I ask, unable to look him in the eye.
“I’d love to.”
“I’m gonna bring all my stuffies into your room, Mom,” Christian says as he runs back toward his room.
Joel comes around the counter. “You sure you’re okay with this?”
“Are you? An hour ago I thought you were passed out for the night.”
