Page 85 of The Fadeaway
I feel Joel next to me before he leans down. “Sorry, buddy. Nathan said a bad word, but he’s sorry.Right, Nathan?”
I glance up to see Nathan standing there, rubbing the back of his neck and looking sheepish. “Sorry about that, Katrina.” He looks to Christian. “Only dumb guys like me use that word. You’re too smart for that, right?” He offers his fist and Christian bumps it.
Satisfied, Nathan walks away leaving me with Joel and Christian.
“Sorry,” he says quietly, leaning in and kissing me softly on the lips.
“I can’t even pretend to be mad. I’m still too amped up from driving your car. I may never give it back.”
“Don’t even think about it, babydoll.”
Christian pulls on both our arms and we swing him between us.
“I should get him home. Thank you for this.”
We shuffle awkwardly, neither of us walking away.
“Are you coming over?” Christian asks, finally saying the thing I was too chicken shit to ask.
One side of his mouth pulls up and he nods. “Yeah, if that’s cool with your mom.” Both turn to me like there’s any real question.
“Yeah, of course.”
A full-blown smile stretches out on his face. “I got practice in the morning and an away game this weekend so probably the last chance to hang for a few days. I just need to grab my stuff. I’ll be over in a few.”
I bite down on my tongue to keep from voicing my excitement that he’s talking in future terms. Okay, it’s not exactly a lifelong commitment, but the fact he thinks we’ll still be hanging out next week is good enough for me. Baby steps.
I smile and turn to leave, feeling the best I have in so long. It strikes me how easy this feels. There really is something to the Joel Moreno life, I guess.
Joel clears his throat behind me, and I swivel my head to find him smirking with his hand held out.
“Oh fine,” I say and hand him his keys. “Come on Christian.”
I’m still floating around wondering when life got so damn good when Joel walks into my apartment. Christian runs to him and hugs his legs like it’s all just part of our routine before running back to his pizza.
Trying not to over think it, I do the same. Catching me but laughing in surprise as I jump into his arms, Joel lifts me like I weigh nothing. “I could get used to this sort of welcome.”
“I ship us,” I blurt out.
I feel his arms tense as he places me on the ground.
I scramble, trying to put what I feel into the right words. “I just mean that spending time with you, and spending time the three of us – you, me, and Christian – I like it and I want to keep doing it. I’m totally for whatever this is. I admit I was not expecting to feel this way but being with you makes me happy. It makes Christian happy. I know it’s all happened sort of fast and we haven’t talked about, well anything really, but I think I’m falling in lo—”
“Stop.”
I meet his gaze. In my rambling, I’d avoided eye contact in order to get it all out, but now I’m thinking I should have looked up sooner. I see the panic and remorse in those deep brown eyes.
I shake my head, feeling foolish. “I’m sorry. I thought—”
“Mom put your plate next to mine,” Christian yells out from the dining room, interrupting my humiliation.
Joel looks torn between bolting and joining Christian. I turn and move to the kitchen trying to regain some semblance of composure. Placing a hand to my trembling lips, I close my eyes and will the tears not to fall.
I can hear Joel move across the apartment and take a seat next to Christian, but I physically cannot make myself join them. I can’t sit across from him and pretend like he didn’t just crush the heart I offered on a silver platter. Or almost offered. I’m not sure if it’s more or less humiliating that I didn’t actually say the words. What sort of guy stops a girl from telling him that she’s falling in love with him?
I always knew what this was. I knew who he was, but one date turned into another and another, and somewhere along the way my heart stopped getting the memo that this was casual. Being with Joel is easy – too easy. That alone should have had me on guard. My life isn’t easy, and I’ve prided myself on making the most in spite of that.
I stay in the kitchen, cleaning dishes until I can see my reflection, wiping down counters, scrubbing at dirty cabinet doors – basically anything that keeps me busy.
